Thomas Grave

1943 - 2017

Thomas Caswell Grave
March 20, 1943 - October 4, 2017
Tom Grave of Merced, CA, died at home surrounded by friends and family at the age of 74 after a long struggle against relentless inflammatory lung disease. He packed many lifetimes of adventure into those years, on lengthy camping trips in the wilderness across the United States, and travels to Mexico, Central America, South America, Europe, and Antarctica. A motorcycle aficianado, he drove his bike from Maine to California as a young man in search of the secrets and glories of the open road.
Tom was born into a Quaker family with a long history of protest against the status quo, a tradition which Tom continued by his lifelong support of environmentalism and pacifism. He was a member of the Merced Somoto Sister Cities Committee and traveled to Nicaragua to deliver medications and educational materials, and to meet the people and learn about the culture of this rural community. He volunteered at the local animal shelter, and adopted many homeless dogs and cats. He served as president of the Northside Pet Connection in Coulterville, helping to provide funds for spaying and neutering pets in order to reduce the number of unwanted, stray animals.
Tom was born in Buffalo, New York to Thomas Brooks Grave and Mary Elizabeth France Grave. He attended the Oakwood School, a Quaker preparatory school in Poughkeepsie, New York, where he distinguished himself as captain of the football team and in the academic subjects of psychology and Spanish. After graduating from Oakwood, he matriculated at Oberlin College in Oberlin, Ohio, where he continued his interests in psychology and Spanish, taking a junior year abroad in Guadalajara, Mexico.
After graduating with honors from Oberlin, Tom was accepted for an internship in psychology at the prestigious Devereaux Institute in Philadelphia. After his internship, he was accepted into the graduate program in psychology at Alfred University in upstate New York. After completing the necessary course work, he left Alfred University to pursue other interests, including anti-Vietnam war protests and the siren song of California. He found his way to San Jose where he worked as a dishwasher and continued his anti-war activities. He moved to Avenal in Northern California to continue to practice school psychology and from there to Merced, where in 1981 he accepted an appointment with the Merced City School District as the Director of Student and Family Services. In this capacity, he oversaw the Gifted and Talented Program, Special Education classes, and supervised the school nurses and counselors in the 13 schools under his administration. His ability to communicate with his clients in Spanish was extremely helpful. He has left his mark on many families over the years who will never forget his efforts on their behalf.
Tom was preceded in death by his parents. He is survived by his wife Kara Middlebrooks; his children by a previous marriage: son, Michael and daughter-in-law, Amy, and daughter Elaine Elliott; his brothers Gilman and Floyd; his nephew Thomas Wade Grave, and his nephew's children Addie, Georgina, and Daphne.
There will be no services per Tom's request. Donations may be made to the Merced County Animal Shelter.

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