Nancy McDonald

Nancy Ann (Nellor) McDonald, a community leader and civil rights advocate, died Tuesday,
October 24, 2023, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, at age 87.
Nancy was born in Beemer, Nebraska on June 4, 1936 to Floyd and Marguerite Nellor. She is
survived by her husband Joe McDonald, 90; brother Howard Nellor, 85; sister Sharlene
Clatanoff, 83; her four children, JoElyn Newcomb, Paul McDonald, Jason McDonald, and Morva
McDonald; her eight grandchildren, Amelia, Joseph, Hannah, Francesca, Floyd, Ava, Simon, and
Sadie along with the Jones family: Zack and Chantal and their two children, Jason and Sarah.
A graduate of the University of Nebraska, Nancy began her career as a medical technologist.
She and Joseph McDonald were married in 1957 in Omaha. They lived in San Bernardino, CA;
Yalova, Turkey; San Antonio, TX; and Tampa FL before settling in Tulsa, OK in 1966.
While her children were growing up in Tulsa, Nancy's interests turned to education and youth
development. As a leader in desegregating schools in Tulsa, she helped recruit families to
Burroughs Elementary, which led to the voluntary integration program at Booker T. Washington
High School and Carver Middle School. In 1975, she began a career with Tulsa Public Schools
that lasted until 1990. She was invited to participate in the White House Symposium on
Education and Corporate Engagement, now known as "Partners in Education." Nancy wrote the
guidelines for Partners in Education groups that were published as a book on involving
community volunteers in public schools. Later in life, Nancy's volunteer efforts continued to
support Tulsa Public Schools, especially the schools in North Tulsa, including Monroe
Demonstration Academy.
Nancy's dedicated service extended beyond the education sector. She served in community
organizations in the arts, child and teen welfare, HIV/AIDS, human rights, racial equality,
LGBTQ+ rights, and women's empowerment. She was the first woman on the boards of Tulsa
Boys' Home and the Thornton Family YMCA. She helped found Children's Consortium; the Gay
and Lesbian Fund of Tulsa; Leadership Tulsa; Living Arts; Tulsa CARES; Tulsa Global Alliance;
and Tulsa Reaches OUT. She served on the Girl Scouts of Eastern Oklahoma board for 16 years,
including five years as President, leading the Council through the tragedy of the Camp Scott
murders in 1977. When one of her daughters came out as a lesbian in 1987, Nancy founded the
Tulsa Chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), the first PFLAG chapter in
Oklahoma. She went on to serve the organization regionally and nationally, including as
National President from 1996 to 1998, during which time 200 chapters opened around the
country and the organization officially added transgender people to their mission. PFLAG was
the first national LGBTQ+ organization to be trans-inclusive. Nancy also testified to Congress to
defeat the Defense of Marriage Act and helped pass legislation to prevent discrimination and
protect LGBTQ+ students from bullying.
Nancy was the recipient of many awards for her social justice service, including the All Souls
Unitarian Centennial Award; the Pathfinder Award; the naming of the Nancy & Joe McDonald
Rainbow Library in the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center, and inductee into the Tulsa Hall of
Fame.
Nancy and Joe spent their retirement years traveling and visiting their large family around the
country. Nancy's most cherished time was the time she spent baking cookies with her
grandchildren, in person and via zoom. At her request, those attending the reception after her
memorial service are invited to bring homemade cookies to share. (But please, she said, no
store-bought cookies!)
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made in Nancy's honor to Partners in Education.
The celebration of Nancy's life will be held at All Souls Unitarian Church (2952 S. Peoria Ave,
Tulsa) on Sunday, November 12 at 4pm. A reception – with homemade cookies – will follow.
In Memoriam: Nancy McDonald, President Emerita of
PFLAG National (1996-1998)
Statement from Susan Thronson, Chair of the PFLAG National Board of Directors
Today, the LGBTQ+ people, parents, families and allies who are part of PFLAG remember and
mourn the loss of PFLAG National President Emerita Nancy McDonald.
Nancy embodied what it means to lead with love. Before assuming the mantle of president, in
May of 1996, Nancy was the only parent of an LGBTQ+ child to testify in opposition to the
Defense of Marriage Act before the U.S. House Judiciary subcommittee.
In a calm and steady voice, Nancy used her remarks to deliver a midwestern scolding.' She
made it clear that she was not there to supposedly 'defend' marriage, as the value of the
institution was not in question. "I find that instead of defending marriage, I need to defend
people-gay and lesbian people who are being denied the right to marry," she said. "I think
we would not be here today if society did not have a deep bias against gay and lesbian
persons."
Later that year, Nancy was elected by the PFLAG membership to serve as President. In her
tenure, the organization took what was then a bold step: to extend PFLAG's mission to include
transgender people (1998). At that time, organizations that served transgender people were
excluded from the movement for equal rights for LGBTQ+ people. Thankfully for PFLAG and
our movement, around 1995, Nancy met Mary Boenke from Roanoke, Va., a PFLAG parent who
had a transgender child.
Mary's words resonated with Nancy. "Being transgender is completely different from being
gay. But if my child is facing the same discrimination as your child, we ought to be on the
same page," Mary said.
And while Nancy recognized that she didn't yet get it,' she would recall in later interviews,
"That conversation got the ball rolling for me, to add transgender people to the PFLAG
mission."
As the first organization to name lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people together in its
mission, PFLAG, under Nancy's leadership, ensured that every LGBTQ+ person and loved one
would find inclusive support, education and advocacy. PFLAG has been a fully LGBTQ+
inclusive organization for 25 years, and as the parent of a transgender person, I am
personnally grateful for Nancy's work.
About Nancy McDonald
Born in 1936 in Beemer, Neb., Nancy McDonald was a warrior for inclusion in every aspect of
her life, and she made a marked difference in her community of Tulsa, Okla. From 1966 until
her retirement from the school district in 1990, she worked to integrate Tulsa schools and
build them to excellence so every child, Black, white or brown, had access to a great
education.
As a parent of four children, Nancy was committed to the role of supportive adults in the lives
of youth. Active in the PTA, she served on the board of the National School Volunteer
Program, and later joined the board of President H.W. Bush's Partners in Education. She
served on the board of Girl Scouts of Eastern Oklahoma for 16 years, and a er her daughter
came out as lesbian, Nancy and her husband Joe founded the PFLAG Tulsa chapter in 1987.
Recognizing the need for support, education and advocacy for LGBTQ+ people and their
families in her state and other rural locales, Nancy helped organize PFLAG chapters in Norman
and Oklahoma City. As PFLAG Regional Director, she also had a hand in organizing chapters in
Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico and Texas.
In 1996, the McDonalds founded the Nancy & Joe McDonald Rainbow Library on the second
floor of the Dennis R. Neill Equality Center in Tulsa. The collection now includes more than
3,500 LGBTQ+ books and resources. In 2010, a er more than a decade of work, Nancy, Joe
and others, succeeded in adding sexual orientation to the City of Tulsa's employee
non-discrimination policy.
In recognition of her community service and her expertise in the role of adults in supporting
youth, Nancy had been a guest to the White House of each President Reagan, H.W. Bush, and
Clinton. She was the only parent of an LGBTQ+ person invited to testify before the U.S. House
Judiciary subcommittee in opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996. Nancy has been
honored by the Girl Scouts, Tulsa Community College, and by the Oklahoma Conference for
Community and Justice, which named an award for teachers, principals and volunteers who
embrace equity and inclusion, called "The Spirit of Nancy McDonald." Additionally, she has
been honored with the All Souls Unitarian Centennial Award, the Pathfinder Award, and is an
inductee into the Tulsa Hall of Fame.
Nancy died in Tulsa on Oct. 24, 2023 at the age of 87. She is survived by her husband Joe
McDonald, 90; brother Howard Nellor, 85; sister Sharlene Clatanoff, 83; her four children,
JoElyn Newcomb, Paul McDonald, Jason McDonald, and Morva McDonald; her eight
grandchildren, Amelia, Joseph, Hannah, Francesca, Floyd, Ava, Simon, and Sadie along with
the Jones family: Zack and Chantal and their two children, Jason and Sarah.