Menu
Search by Name
Search by Name
Michelle DeValle Obituary
Woodbridge, CA
August 1, 1956 - March 29, 2007
Our beloved Michelle McGrath DeValle, daughter of Bill and Esther McGrath, left us to be with God on Thursday, March 29, 2007. Michelle (aka Chelle) was an amazing lady and mother who for most of her life were in the San Joaquin Valley. She was such a giving person, that those around her looked at her as though she was their own mother at times. If her family or friends needed her, Chelle was always there to help in anyway, she could. She loved with all her heart, gave to those around her, and often expected nothing in return. Michelle and her husband Steve shared a great love of Wine Country and an appreciation of the vineyards. If they were not at home with their two dogs, Nico and Buddy during their weekends away from their business, Universal Pump and Supply, you very often found them in Napa Valley with their "other" family. Napa Valley was a home away from home for them both and they have made wonderful friends in the area. She leaves behind her wonderful husband, Steve; her sons, Jim LaVine and Tony DeValle; her daughters-in-law, Tina LaVine and Becky DeValle; her granddaughter, Vanessa and a baby on the way. Michelle leaves her siblings, Vicki, Butch, Marcia, Dawn and Janet. In addition, Michelle leaves her niece Vicklyn, who Michelle always thought of as a daughter, her husband, Bill and their two children that referred to her as their Nana, Ashlie and John. The family has agreed that Michelle would prefer to have us celebrate her life rather than mourn her death, so we have decided to have a "Gathering of Remembrance" for her. We would love to have those who knew her join us at LeBistro, 3121 W. Benjamin Holt Drive, Stockton, CA 95212 on Saturday, April 7, 2007 at 2:00 p.m. This gathering is meant to be casual, as we believe this is the way Michelle would want it.
A Memorial Fund has been started in her name at UCSF, where the team of doctors and nurses did an amazing job making her as comfortable as they could before she left us. Send Contributions to: UCSF, Fund# PO Box 45339, San Francisco, CA 94145-0339. Make Checks Payable to "Nursing Excellence Fund" in memory of Michelle McGrath DeValle.
To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.
Memories and Condolences
for Michelle DeValle
STEVE YOUR LOVING HUSBAND
June 15, 2008
My Dearest and LOVING MICHELLE : It's been way to long since I've last written ! But today is a day that I need your comfort and understanding !!! My Day, Fathers Day two of the most important people are not here to share it with me, of course YOU and MY LOVING DAUGHTER "TINA" !!!! All the medication in the world can't take away all the hurt, pain and sufferring that I live with every single day !!! And on a day like today the so call reality really kicks in !! I will remain home alone and reflect, pray and remember the times, the GOOD times that we all shared together !! And of course I will ask GOD to some how Righten all the wrongs that I have committed so that one day HE will bring my DAUGHTER TINA back to me[us] !!! Today I just don't feel like a true husband or dad, I'm that lost SOUL searching for answers, answers that can right the wrongs, anwsers that can make me whole again, answers that can bring love and joy and peace back into my life again !!! Again, Michelle I call upon you and the LORD to help me, God only knows how much help I truely need !!! I guess it's days like this that really makes you appreciate what one, once had, and thats why we need to cherish the times we had or have !!! May GOD ALWAYS keep you in HIS ARMS and protect you the way that I always tried too, and will continue to do, in not only your name but in HIS name too!! I LOVE and miss you so, YOUR ONLY HUSBAND STEVE
Marcia Schnell
June 14, 2008
Hey sis, It's been a while but there hasn't been a day go by that I don't think of you and unfortunately tears well up in my eyes. I miss you so much and writing to you does help me even though it's been a while but I have been busy, visited mom for Mother's Day and now my grandkids are here for the summer. Next month Vicki, Janet, Butch and myself are going to get together at Mom's. Unfortunately Dawn is unable to make it at that time, but you and her will be in our thoughts and parts of our conversation, I'm sure, even If Little Randy likes it or not but you and Dad will be mentioned, If I have anything to say about it. I'm at a square dance festival this week end and my granddaughter came with me but she's asleep right now so I thought I would take this time and write you. Since it is getting late I should go for now but never forget that I love you and miss you terribly.
Love forever your sis--Marcia
YOUR ONLY HUSBAND STEVE
April 26, 2008
My Dearest Michelle : So much has happened in the last four weeks, your one year anniversary of your passing, me spending that weekend in Napa, seeing that beautiful bronze plaque in your memory mounted up at Pride where we spread your ashes !!! My total anxiety for the last year turning into serious depression now, and my sixtieth birthday, where Tony through me a surprise party with about one hundred people in attendance !!! All my closes friends and family !!! The problem being the anxiety due to your death, the depression, due to not excepting your not here, and me being able to continue on, and my leaving Napa, not wanting to return for fear of all OUR memories that saddens me so !! And then my birthday party, seeing all my friends and family gathered together in my honor, and as I looked across the room and gave a speach, what I was really thinking about was all the individual times WE spent with each and everyone of them together !! Oh so many memories !!!! This house that I live in up to four weeks ago brought me peace and comfort to some extent, but now I can't stand being alone in it, it scares me !!! I'm tired, my life has turned a one eighty !!! I have no motivation or drive, my life without you is total emptiness !!! For the last year I have been trying to foul myself, force myself to go on and force myself to try to be happy, but all it was, was a false front !! I have stop writing because I felt that it made me only linger more for YOU, but yet now I know that it only makes me feel more guilty, as though I am trying to let you go !!! As you can see my mind is messed up, medication, helps to some extent but now with the depression its had no effect !!! When you left you took my HEART and my SOUL, all that is left behind is a body or a skeleton or shell of a beat man !! Sad isn't it ???? My LOVE runs so deep that all I see is You !! I lived for you exclusively, and in my mind you are still here !!! I cannot get my mind to coincide with my HEART !! Please understand that I am trying every avenue, asking for help, reaching out to everyone or anyone that might give me some enlightenment to help me through this !!! In your last hand written words, I WILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO BE MYSELF AGAIN !!! I call uponed you and God every hour of every day to guide me through this horrible misery that I have to endure !!! Please MICHELLE, intercede for me, ask God to help me through this time of need !!! You were the ONE PERSON that always interceded for me while you were here on earth, please do the same now that you are at the feet of the LORD !!! For those of you that read this, please don't take pity on me, just pray that someday the LORD will free me from this burdon, and take heed from my words, BLESS every day you have, and all that you have that goes along with life, things could always be worse, believe me I for a fact am a testimony to that !!! I will continue to call upon you and GOD, knowing someday my prayers will be answered !!! AS ALWAYS YOUR ONLY HUSBAND WHO LOVES YOU SO VERY MUCH AND WHO WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER CARRY YOU IN HIS HEART !! And LORD remember me, your servant in life who will always love and honor YOU and YOUR wishes because YOU are OUR CREATOR and SAVIOR !!!
Marcia Schnell
March 21, 2008
Well, it's been a while since I wrote. I guess I'm trying to wein myself from writing so much since I may not be able to write pretty soon, but I'll always be thinking of you and you are on my mind always.
Well, I had a wonderful lunch and visit with Steve today. I really saw a side of him that I had never seen before and didn't think was possible. Naturally u were the main point of our conversation, but I'm sure you are with who ever Steve talks to, because you were his life, and he loves you very much, In fact when ever I get with anyone that knew you, you are the top of conversation, such as Linda, she really misses you so much, just like the rest of us. It's hard to believe that it's almost a year since you left us and this earth. I'll try to write next week but I won't be able to on the 29th because I'll be out of town, and won't be able to write, but you are always on my mind, no matter how busy I am.
Vicki, Dawn and I are finally going to get together for dinner. We haven't gotten together since you were here. But naturally you will be totally missed from our gathering. we missed you the last time when you couldn't make it because you were sick that night. Well needless to say you're there in my thoughts and always will be. Love you forever--your Sis
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
March 1, 2008
My Dearest Michelle : Today is the 29th of February, 11 months ago today you passed away !! Isn't ironic that this just happens to be leap year !!! We just had to have the full cycle of all the 29th of all the months in the year after your passing !! GOD works in mysterious ways, He wasn't letting this year go by without us being able to mourn your passing day for the first year !!! It's so surprising how you miss someone so very much when their not here!!! It's as though you didn't appreciate or think about them while they were here !! But when their gone, their in your mind and they fill your heart every waning moment of every single day!! The closeness seems to be getting closer, probably because you know the lonliness has engulfed your life so dramatically !! I truly wish I could touch each and everyone of your hearts, and teach all of you, so you could truly realize and cherish what you have while you have it!!! No matter if it's through the good or bad times in your life, it's still the appreciation of life !! What you once had can never be replaced or reproduced, but they remain in your memories forever !!! Memories are a wonderful thing but having that contact, that connection with someone, sharing it with them, the thoughts of obtaining a goal together, a life long goal, and then reaching it together is what life and a true partnership is all about !!! These are things we have to learn to appreciate for ourselves before it's to late, We don't get a second chance at life, we have to make the most of it while we can !!!! Michelle and I reached our APEX in life many years ago, our life florished, we had the best of the best !!! The momeries will always remain, but so will the loniness !!! I can't have the best of both worlds, I have to learn to live with these wonderful momeries, and they will have to be enough to carry me through the rest of my Life !!! I look back now, after 11 months, knowing what I know and feeling what I do, that GOD gave me something, no someone in my life, Michelle, for a specific reason, that being to love and cherish me, to teach me, to care for me but to also know that I've had an experience of a life time that no one can ever take away !!! Thank You GOD, and Thank You Michelle for this opportunity !!! My love for both of you is uncompromising !!! I have along way to go, I need help, please send that help to me, for I so desperately need it !!! I would also like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you that has written on line or in Michelle Guest Book, or even those that have taken the time to read these writings or my letters, because I know deep down in my heart, YOU too where sent here by GOD to help Steve through this time in his life !!! So may GOD BLESS YOU ALL, and you remain always in the GRACE that only GOD can give, HIS LOVE !!!! GODS servant in life, your friend STEVE !!
Marcia
February 29, 2008
Good Morning sis,
This is one of the hardest times I've been able to write in almost the whole year, and that is because here I go again. a little over a year ago I was visiting you everyday while you faught for your life. Now here I go again with my best friend, Jimmy is in the hospital with kidney failure, with a 50/50 chance. Just keep him in your prays and any power you have at all and let the word out that he's not ready to go yet and I'm not sure I can go through this again, please watch over him for us. They say the only thing that is on his side is that he's young, but naturally I thught you were to young too, but we all know that death knows no age. When it's your time it's your time, and nothing will keep you here, God's powers are to strong to keep you here if you want to or not. we'll just all have to keep him in our prays. It's just made me feel better talking to you, Thank-you for that- I love you so much and miss you totally. Love-ya forever
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
February 19, 2008
My Dearest Michelle : One year ago today, OUR LIVES ALL CHANGED, EVERYONE OR ANYONE THAT HAD CONTACT OR KNEW YOU WAS TOTALLY IMPACTED !!!! This was the day you enterred the hospital, never to return HOME again !!!! My problem is you are at home, I just can't see it, you are with your father and you are with THE FATHER !!!!! Have no fear, you are with me too, every step of the way, you are in my thoughts and prayers daily, but more then that you are always and forever in my HEART, the tabernacle to my soul !!! Our bodies die, but our souls live on , that is why we will remain together FOREVER !!! GOD took you from us for a reason, why, I don't know ??? But HE also gave you to us, and this we do know, to make a better world for all of us to live in, especially all that knew you !!!! You are a VERY SPECIAL lady that enterred our lives to teach us, encourage us, love us and direct us in the right path, the path that will eventually lead us back to our ultimate goal in LIFE, that is, with being with OUR HEAVENLY FATHER, which you have so graciously joined !!! Michelle, we all long for you, all in our own selfish ways, if we could only have total faith in GOD we would rejoice for you in HIS NAME !!! I am the worst of all, forgive me my dear, I am selfish, I did not and do not want to let you go !!! But who am I to question GOD ??? GOD please help me, give me the strength and confidence that I so desperately need in this difficult time, when I feel so alone and helpless, only YOU can fill this void that Michelle has left in my HEART, only YOU can make me whole again, I ask this in the NAME OF YOUR ONLY BEGOTTEN SON JESUS CHRIST, who YOU sacrificed for us, all of us, Michelle, Steve, and everyone that enters this world, so that we can obtain eternal life, and join YOU, THE FATHER and THE SON and THE HOLY SPIRIT forever and ever; Amen !!!!
Vicklyn
February 18, 2008
Hi Chelle,
Today was a lot tougher than I had thought. Thinking where we all were a year ago today was very eye opening and depressing. If yesterday were a year ago and I would have known then what I know now I would have been at your home and would not have left. I would have sat with you talking about everything that you were going through and what we could do to get through it all, TOGETHER. Unfortunately, we could not see into the future and we lost a lot of time and treasured moments.
It is night time now and I at this time we were in the emergency room and you and I spent the time we had holding hands and trying to smile through the pain. You told me that night that you had missed me. I thanked you for letting me be there and that I LOVED YOU. I never imagined that I could MISS YOU MORE than I did that day. I did not believe that day that you would never come home. Over the next few weeks we spend many hours together in the hospital, alone and with others. I wish I could have been there with you every minute and I feel guilty that I could not do that. The one thing I would have changed is that if I had it to do all over again, I would never have left you alone in those hospitals. That will haunt me forever. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT DOING FOR YOU AS I KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE DONE FOR ME!!! You would have insisted that one of us was there at all times, I should have been stronger for you and organized that.
This last year has really taught me that I have to really think about every decision I make and I better be sure I am willing to live with the consequences of my decision. I love you Chelle and will forever. I will always miss you and I know you are still around us if we can look past our grieving. I truly believed you will show us the way.
LOVE, NOW AND FOREVER,
STEVE YOUR DEVOTED HUSBAND
February 14, 2008
My Dearest Michelle : I really don't want to write, or talk, because just thinking of you brings back all the memories !!! Thats a good thing , but its also a lonely thing !!! Valentines Day was just another day, but just another day that made me appreciate you so much, you know one of thoses card days !!! The importance of cards showed how thoughtful a person could really be in such a simple way !!! Thats why you always appreciated just a simple card that showed all the love and affection without being asked too!!! I recieved a beautiful card from your Mother in the mail today, she sent it to me on your behalf !!! She knew the importance of a card, a very special card, one that you would of picked out yourself !!! Thank You Esther for being so thoughtful, and thank you Michelle for showing the world how something as simple as a beautiful card can change someones LIFE !!! That someone is ME !!!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY MY DEAR, FROM YOUR ONLY HUSBAND, WHO STILL LONGS FOR YOU AND WILL CONTINUE TO, DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE !!! ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU ARE MY WIFE ,YOU ARE MY WHOLE LIFE !!! Will write again in a few days, again when the time is right!!! Please continue to pray for me, as you can well see how much I still need it !!! LOVE YOU DEAR JUST ME
Marcia Schnell
February 14, 2008
HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY, sis: I sure could have had you around the last couple days, I could have used you to talk to, because I could always talk to you and u would always listen to me and help me with the advise, in between the laughter and all that is. I don't know which one I miss more our serious talks or the fun laughter and good times that we always shared. Some times I feel so lonely, Everyone around me is either moving or passing away, between my friends and family, and you were both my best friend and naturally my sis. Well this was just a short note to say
Happy Valentines Day. Also to let you know that I am still thinking of you and love you dearly.
Love you: SIS---Marcia
Vicklyn
January 31, 2008
Hi Chelle,
I sat down and read through all the postings again from the past 10 months and it is a wonderful feeling knowing that others loved you as much as I did. You had a way of bringing people together from all walks of life. That sure was an amazing quality that not just anyone can acquire. You touched so many lives and amazingly you are still doing so. I do not think your spirit will ever leave us. Those of us who were able to spend time with you just before you left us (Steve, Jim, Marcia, Grandma, Mom, Dawn, etc.) know how very special you are and know that we will all be sure to carry on your memory. You taught us all well and we are forced now to reach into ourselves and live by what you shown us.
I agree with what Marcia said in her last post, just because we don't write in this guestbook everyday, does not by anyway mean you were not in our thoughts many times throughout the days between the writings. I think everyone would get pretty tired of hearing our prayers to you everyday in this guestbook. : )
You hear those prayers I know and I will continue to talk to you through prayer. Guide us through these tough times. Show us the way if you can. We have lived so long with you as our teacher; please do not stop guiding us. If you give us signs we will follow.
I will write again on the 18th.
Love and Kisses,
Marcia Schnell
January 27, 2008
Hi Sis,
Sorry I missed you anniversay but I usually like doing things like this on my lap top and my lap top has been in the shop and I just got it back so I am back too.
I went to get Valentine's done on my nails and naturally Linda and David miss you almost as much as I do.
There's not a day goes by that you aren't on my mind.
I know it's almost a year when you went in the hospital, it sure doesn't seem like it. It won't be very long before I won't be able to write you anymore because the year will be up, then I'll just have to find another way to talk to you, but this has really helped me and makes me feel like you are still here with us. Everyone has there own way to cope with the loss of a loved one and this I believe has really helped me get though it. Just because I don't and can't write here to you anymore, doesn't mean I am not thinking of you all the time and love you very much. I will always love you and will forever miss you, but will never forget you or what you look like. I view your CD that Jimbo made fregrantly, I am so thankful to Jim for that CD and he did a good job on it too. It sure brings back memories, though. I LOVE YOU SIS AND MISS YOU SOMETHING TERRIBLY:
Love ya- Marcia
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
January 5, 2008
My Dearest Michelle : It's been over a month since I last written, I'm SORRY !!! I've read all the enteries on your guest book over and over again since last writing to you!!! From Dawn, Marcia, Vicklyn, and Linda!!! It's as though one person wrote them all !!! The feelings that you have given but also left behind are amazing !!! But I guess thats no secret, you were and are such an amazing woman!!! Today's not a good day for me, I really don't know why?? I've been trying, really trying to get on with my life, the Holidays were so tough, but I surrounded myself with friends and family trying to be brave, again trying to make you proud of me!!!! I've gone to Napa numerous times in the last months, always enjoying myself until its time to leave!!! Before it was so hard to return to Napa, now I look forward to going, maybe because I have a sense that your more present there or maybe because it was our place and I still share all the love and memories I have with our friends!! But going back home, if thats what I considerate it, is unbearable at times !! Again its that sharing factor we, and only WE had together!! The great and wonderful memories not only of the past but what we would share after leaving the Valley together again, brought to us !! I've lost that, I come home and have WHAT??? I'm afraid, I've fooled them all, the doctor, my friends, and even myself to sum extent !! I'm making them happy with my possitive progression, or so they think, but who am I fooling, not ME, although at times it appears that I am even fooling myself !!! You know me, you know the love I need to share in order to survive, but who holds the key to my HEART ?? The doctor and everyone else would say me !!! But thats not how I see it, I gave you those keyes many years ago, and you know me, I would never or could ever take them back again!! Again, you know when I take hold of someone or something I truly can't let go, its like a pit bull, I can't unhinge my LOVE !!! I would Love to enter into a loving relationship, and give all the love that I have[ left ] to share, but I'm so afraid of being hurt, I'm so fragile and vulnerable, I can't afford to go through what I'm going through now, I'm having such a tough time, I just couldn't handle another loss like this again !! Again, you know me ,I jump into love with both feet, never looking back, always giving my all, and always expecting the same in return ,WITHOUT EVER ASKING FOR IT !!! Thats the secret of it all, thats what TRUE, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS ALL ABOUT!!!! Sharing without asking, boy did WE ever prove that !!!!!! Michelle, it would be one thing to see this lingering sorrow continue on with me, your mom, your sisters, family and even close friends, but to see so many people affected by your loss, is a true testimony to the love and respect, that is so rightfully due to you!!!! You never demanded it or asked for it, it was just given to you because you deserved it so much !!!! YOU are truly an ANGEL AND A SAINT !!! YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND !!!!! YOU CAN NEVER BE REPLACED OR REPRODUCED, THERE IS ONLY, AND WILL ONLY BE ONE MICHELLE , MY MICHELLE !!! My prayer to you, Please GOD give me the strength to continue on, always seeking for the best, never doubting YOUR WORD,giving me the TRUE FAITH,to carry on, knowing that someday I will be reunitied with YOU and Michelle, so that we can continue on in the manner that GOD has given us in this life time !! Truthfully Lord I need to put my life back into YOUR HANDS, I need to have complete and uncompromising Faith!! Only YOU, and YOU alone can give me the peace that I have been searching for over these last months !! I ask this not only in the name OF YOUR SON, JESUS CHRIST but of all the ANGELS and SAINTS, But especially that one special ANGEL, that brought so much joy into my life, that made Steve, Steve,my Michelle !!! I am your devoted servent in life, my life is in Your Hands !!! Thank you LORD, not just for listening, but for the opportunity to share my life with Michelle, and to know you have taken care of her, and now she is in YOUR ARMS !!! GOD I pray for that peace and comfort, that only YOU can bring !! Please make me whole again, guide me to the right path, help me make the right decisions, always picking me up when I faulter, and start me over again !! In YOUR NAME I PRAY !!!
Marcia Schnell
January 1, 2008
I just wrote you for Xmas being late and all, but I thought I would write you, on the first day of the year, It was hard for me welcoming the new year in knowing that you won't be around to welcome it in too, but your thoughts are always with each and everyone of us. You have touched the lives of everyone you've ever met, in one way or another. With great love and admiration your Sis-Marcia
Linda Nguyen
December 31, 2007
Hi Michelle,
Happy New Year! David and I saw Marcia today. We talked about you, telling we miss you so much. I have invented lots of new designs but now just Marcia wears them herself. We get through this Christmas and New Year without you, without your joke, without your laughter…. My customers keep talking about you when they see us too. Tonight is the last night of the year 2007, the year we lost you, our best friend, we are sending you this letter to say “You are missed forever, Michelle!!!”
Again, Happy New Year...
Linda & David
Vicklyn
December 30, 2007
Happy Holiday, Chelle!!!
I know you are watching over us all up there with Grandpa and my Dad. We think of you constantly, especially this time of year. You always loved Christmas. Now you can be that Angel watching over us. We love you and miss you always.
Love,
Marcia
December 29, 2007
Well Xmas is here and gone and personally I'm glad. It use to be my favorite holiday, But when Dad Passed away and mom moved away it wasn't quiet the same but now with you gone, knowing that, that was your favorite holiday I could care less in fact I didn't even get in the mood and put up a tree this year. I think I buried the season with you and dad.
It took me a while before I could get to write you on the account I've had a full house for the last week with 7 extra people. Before that I was in Arizona for the week with my grandchild while the oldest one graduated from high School.
This next week would have been your busy months to follow. You were always busy with taxes and all but you always took the time for me and family and always took the time out to go get our nails done together. That has to be the times I miss you more than anything, and always will.
I ran into Bev the other day and we all started remembering the laughs we all had together and she would say how crazy you and I were. I can't believe just how much you can miss and love a person as I do you. You would think that things get easier but the hurt never seems to go away.
We are slowly approaching a new year--AGAIN!! I'll be writing more some time next year--HA_HA!!! Love you Sis and miss you always Marcia
Dawn Haywood
December 27, 2007
It's hard to believe that you have been away from us for about 9 months now. It has truely been a tough 9 months. Talking with Steve and the rest of the family is only a continued testiment to just how much you are loved. The holiday season was yours and Daddys favorite season. I think of you often. I keep your picture on my computer and often laugh with the memories it brings back. Needless to say tears follow short there after. All of our lives continue on day to day but, none will be the same without your smile and laughter. You are always in our hearts and thoughts. I Love Sis
Marcia Schnell
December 11, 2007
Hi Sis,
Well, the real holidays are approaching us and we all know for a fact that it is your favorite time of year. Wll, it use to be mine but I still keep all the memories of our past xmases. Well I took cake of sending something to mom in be half of you and mom will definiatly appreachate it and hopefully get some real joy and laughter out of it. I told someone what I did and they said that things like that is what keeps you alive and that is just what I aim to do, if at all possible.
I definiately miss you this time of year, and our memories sometimes is what keeps me going.
I AM SO SURE BESIDES MYSELF, STEVE REALLY MISSED YOU ON THANKSGIVING AND YOUR WONDERFUL COOKING. I UNDERSTAND THAT HE COOKED A WONDERFUL DINNER JUST LIKE YOU WOULD DO, AS MUCH AS HE TRIED I'M SURE IT WASN'T QUIET AS GOOD AS YOURS, THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE IMPOSSIBLE.
THIS WILL HAVE TO DO UNTIL I GET BACK FROM ARIZONA.
WITH ALL MY LOVE:
YOUR SIS--MARCIA
Vicklyn
December 1, 2007
Hi Chelle,
Here we are, 8 months, and things have not changed much. I didn't forget to write on the 29th, the posting just didn't meet certain guidelines. You are on my mind a lot more these days with the holidays. Thanksgiving with Steve and his family and friends was nice. We had a seat for you at the table and I could feel you with us. I just wish you could have been there to give me one of those wonderful hugs of yours. You always gave great hugs that just filled me with love and joy. I sure miss those as much as I miss your smiling face and laughter.
I saw a cute doll that brought tears to my eyes. I remember the dolls I got you for Christmases past and it just made me realize yet again you are not here to buy for this year. No matter how hard I try I keep getting this feeling this is all a test and if I pass the test you will return. When will that feeling go away? I am doing my best to make “you” proud. You wanted me to be strong and take care of my family. You and I had long talks alone years ago. You knew me better than most and accepted my decisions. I have to remember those talks, I do what I think is best and that is all I can do. I hope you hear me when I talk to you everyday. I find strength in believing that you hear me. I will keep talking if you will keep listening. I love you and will keep "trying" to make you proud. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! At least as happy as we can be without you.
LOTS OF LOVE,
Marcia Schnell
November 22, 2007
Well, Michelle, this is our first Thanksgiving without you and believe you me this is the first time since Mom left that I didnt have home made dressing for my turkey and no one near by for me to bug and borrow stuff for my dinner or help in how to make turkey soup with the turkey bones and stuff. But way before that you are more than missed by me and I think I miss you more and more each day, which in the beginning I wouldn't have thought even possible. But we all knew that the holidays and your birthday would be the toughest, and naturally it is. I am all alone this year, no other family other than Ken but I'm cooking a big dinner anyway. I know this time of year really has to be hard on Steve because you always went way out and really did some major cooking for Steve and both of your friends and family. But just like every thing else we'll all get though this, with our hearts aching and everything. No matter how much we heart and miss you it's not going to bring you back to us, But I just want and need to know that you know that I'm always thinking of you and love you with all my heart. I'll write more at a later time I'm sure. Well my lovely sister, just keep waiting for me, and save a spot for me. Love you always: Marcia
Your LOVING HUSBAND FOREVER STEVE
November 22, 2007
My Dearest Michelle : Here it is Thanksgiving Day , I'm up at 6:00a.m. putting the turkey in the oven, getting everything ready!! As usual were having a house full of people!!!! I'm doing this for YOU, I'm trying to continue on in the manor that you would want !!! I'm so nervous I'm shaking, I can't hold a candle to what you did, I was your helper, I followed directions well, trying to do things your way, that way I know is really hard. You were a great instructor, but I'm a poor student!!! I'm trying to move on, I really am. But sometime in the back of my mind I feel like I really don't want to move on or go ahead, I'd rather just live with your memory !!!! I truly know that the love I have for you and all the memories over the last 20 years is enough to carry me on through a life time, at least my life time !!! Will I be happy this way???? No, happy with the love and memories but not happy inside myself!!! I am pushing myself to move on, I don't like it, this is something that should evolve naturally!!!! I'm tired my dear, you spoiled me to much, going on is not just a challenge, its an experience that I don't really relish!! By having everyone at the house I'm trying to make it feel like our home again, I don't know if that will ever happen!!! I can put on that happy face for a few hours, stay busy, and act as though everythings alright. But don't worry, after all is said and done, and everyone else in gone, reality kicks back in , YOUR NOT HERE!!!! The most important thing in my life, is still to make you happy, proud that we were loving partners, this is why I'm carry on, this is what you would want, this I truly know, this is what I honesty believe!!! Make MICHELLE happy and make her proud of STEVE and only then can STEVE be happy !! I'm sure that this is not what the doctors say is the right way to go about this, but there not in my shoes, no one is but me. I have to work this out ,I have to rationalize this in my own mind!! They say you can't live in the past, you have to keep moving forward, to some extent I believe this, or I'm trying to believe this, but my past, present and future, all tie together, the goals I've set haven't changed, my belief hasn't changed, my love hasn't changed!!! This is why its so hard to separate Steve from Michelle, I can't separate anything, I live in the past, present and future all in one!!! The problem is that you are no longer at my side to share this, to share the person who Steve really is, the real STEVE that can't let go, let go of anything, everything ties together, thats why we call it life !! Life is a combination of everything, good, bad, today, tomorrow, and yesterday, all of this combined makes up our lives!!! You can't live without the past, if you did what would you have learned from, your in the present and you take your learning from those experience and now apply them to the future. Its like a circle, past, present,future, all connected in one, you can't live without any of them, they all make you who you really are!!! Michelle, I'm scared, scared of the unknown of the future, scared of the present, am I going on in live right, and even though I can't changed the past I'm afraid that what it was, will it ever be the same!!! There was a Steve before Michelle, But was that really Steve, NO!!!! Michelle took the past , that of Steve and showed him how to bring it into the present, and how to apply it to the future !!! The only problem here is that in all of this equation, Michelle was a part of it she was included in it, she was intended to live in it!! My life has to go on, but your live has just begun, I have to learn from you, that will be my past memories, I will have to live, day by day, hoping these momeries will carry me through, and I will have to go on with my life with the memories and thoughts that the way You showed me will be the direction or path to follow !!! So therefore you were,are, and always will be the biggest part of my life, my whole life, the life you taught me to live, The only thing you didn't teach me is to live it alone or without you!!!! Now I have to fend for myself !!! Pray for me dear ,give that guidance I need, show me the way, your still here, you'll always be here, my HEART has that special place thats sealed for you and only YOU !!! Remember Dear I love you I always will, You are my wife, you still are my whole life!!!! REST WELL MY DEAR, GOD HAS TAKEN YOU FOR A REASON, THAT I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THIS I MUST EXCEPT, THIS I HAVE TO LIVE WITH, SOMETHING GOOD I KNOW HAS TO COME FROM ALL OF THIS !!! ONLY TIME WILL TELL !!! LOVE YOU DEAR, YOUR DEVOTED HUSBAND STEVE
Vicklyn
October 29, 2007
Seven Months today and your memory is as strong for me as it always has been. Tonight we welcome Brody Steven into the world and Steve is missing not having you here to share him with. I know you are there in that room with all of them and are watching over the newest addition to the family. Be his guardian angel as you are to so many of us. You may not be able to physically hold him but I know you are caring for him in spirit.
We miss you and with the holidays on the way you are on my mind more than ever. I was looking through a School Fundraiser last week and I saw a "Santa" Watch that reminded me of you. I thought to myself, oh I have to show 'Chelle this and then I stopped. These are the times that we forget you are not with us, but I think maybe that is because I don't feel you have left us completely. Maybe now you are able to be with us even more than you could before. You can be everywhere, that was always hard in our world. Now you can be with us all at all times, maybe we can't see you but I know I feel you all the time.
Continue to watch over us all and watch out for little Brody Steven. God Bless You. I LOVE YOU!!
Marcia Schnell
October 28, 2007
I can't believe it's been over a month since I wrote, shame on me, but that sure doesn't mean that I don't think of you all the time and miss you something awful, and think of the laughs we had together and I can't help myself, but to start crying all over again. It's crazy how just the slightest thing would remind me of you and your beautiful face would pop in my mind and i can't get your image out of my head for awhile, but I can't begin to tell you or anyone else just how much I love you and miss you terrible. You'd think things would change and get easier, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to get any easier for me. But I must say it really helps me just to be able to write here it makes me feel like I am really writing to you, Michelle, Some people would probably think I'm nuts but that's there problem because it makes me feel better and closer to you Michelle, and that's what I need. I still have a hard time just thinking of you gone and out of our lives but you're in my heart and you will live there until the day I come to join you and dad. I'll write more later and hopefully it will be sooner than a month, but I'll do the best I can. Love you sis and miss you as well--Your sis-Marcia
STEVE YOUR ONLY HUSBAND
October 24, 2007
MY DEAREST MICHELLE : I have this uncontrolable urge to write and talk to you all the time!!!! Must be all the unconditional Love that we shared together!!!! One of the thing that hasn't changed in the last year is the roller coaster ride I'm on, every day it's a new experience, ups and downs. I think sometimes it's worse now than when you were in the hospital. I'm trying to work my way through this, dealing with things at home I'm handling, just not doing much, but taking care of what needs to be done. Everything looks the same, I haven't been able to change anything!!! Now work is a different matter, maybe because I'm there more hours in the day than at home or maybe all the important decisions that you always dealt with! I don't think most people realize what it's like to lose a married partner and a business partner in one. WE who shared everything together, and all of a sudden your gone!!! Although we shared in all the responsiblities, we each had our own expertise!!! If it was me that passed rather than you, I would like to flatter myself and say you would have had a harder time of it, but I know thats not true!!! We shared everything so equally that one always complimented the other!!! As I look back into my younger years, and remember some of my church teachings, when a husband and wife get married, they become as one. Their like the ring on your finger, continuous, never ending!!! It's pretty hard to break that bond!! LOVE is that bond, LOVE is that ring, being one with GOD is true LOVE. The point being, we became one when we took our vows, our rings were a symbol of the bond we would share, the bond of true and never ending Love and Devotion for each other!!!! This is why our separation is so hard to accept, WE, you and I were and are still one, the ring or bond isn't broken, when you separate the W from the E you have nothing, put them together and you have WE, meaning LOVE!!!!! YOU and ME, STEVE and MICHELLE, one in the same, never changing never ending!!! This is the difficulty I'm having, separating anything, we shared everything, our lives our hopes, our dreams, just everything even every hour of the day!!!!! To me our lives were so enter twinded that they can't be unwoven, you would have to cut us apart to separate us and what do you have???? Your right, STEVE and this is why Steve is having such a hard time, he's not whole, he's just a piece of something looking to be made into something that he isn't!!! Why, because, the other half of Steve is Michelle and she made Steve whole!!!! To all my friends and family that read this, Yes I'm going on , and YES I"m making progress, my life will continue to some extent, TIME WILL TELL !! And to Michelle, DEAR I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU< YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST AND FORMOST IN MY HEART< NO ONE COULD EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE. Sleep well MY DEAR, remember I am always yours, that will never change, the bond will never be broken, the ring will always be intact, my LOVE will never DIE!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU ALWAYS YOUR HUSBAND STEVE
STEVE LOVING HUSBAND
September 29, 2007
MY DEAREST MICHELLE : Six months ago today I let you go, but by no sense of the word have I really ever let you go!!! Time has dragged on, my love continues to linger, it just gets stronger day by day!!! As I sit here at the computer now, I fine myself reading all the entries pryor to mine. Yes I just read them all again. I'm trying to get a handle on where I'm going in my life, you know, trying to see if I'm moving forward. One thing that has been quite evident in all these letters, is the love that everyone shared with Michelle and the great smile she always possessed!!!! So rather than me rewrite these entries you reread them, see how you have been copping with this loss, the loss of our beloved Michelle. Everyone deals with loss in their own time and way, I truly hope you all are healing at least to some extent!!!! I am going to write down some partial letters and notes that I have recived in the last 6 months, I want to share these with you, I want to share everything about Michelle with everyone, SHE WAS AND IS EVERYONE'S MICHELLE. I might have lived with her as husband and wife but she still belonged to the world. She'd added a new concept to the meaning of love, life, and sharing these things with everyone, she definitely, belonged to the world, she is still are little girl!!!! Please enjoy these passages, they might bring tears but they will always bring a smile too!!!!! From DOUG and FED : In todays world people tend to just enjoy the wonderful things that happen in their lives, like our long friendship with Steve and Michelle. We knew that it was a special honor that they would ask us to solemnize their marriage and were thrilled that we could be a part of their lives in such an intimate way. But, people tend to just go on with what life gives them and sometimes milestones fade into the living day to day. The gravity of the love and honor this special woman gave to us came home on that Saturday.The presence of all those who were able to attend and whose lives she touched truly captured the spirit and essence of Michelle as we had always known her and yet there just didn't seem to be enough words to share!!!!!! DEBBI H : Death is more universal than life ; everyone dies but not everyone lives!!!!! That is the reason this is so wrong. Michelle lived more fully in her time here than most of us even aspire to, let alone achieve. It is wrong, and unfair, and an abomination that she was taken from the world. Nothing anyone can say will ever fix that. We can only honor what and whom she left behind. She was such a gift to you and everyone around her, everyone she touched.!!!!!! TIM B : We are so blessed and humbled to have known Michelle, it is so rare to meet someone that has so much patience, wisdom, love and kindness combined. She is so precious that the time with her will always out weigh the time without her. I know how much you miss her, that pain won't heal quickly. We're here to remind you how wonderful she is so don't shy away out of sadness but visit to flood your mind with loving memories of the special places you both created through the people you both touched!!!!!!!!!!! KIM L : You and Michelle have taught me more these last three months than anyone. I have become friends with people during a time of loss and these are people I would never have thought more than acquaintances. Besides Michelle, you are something I can't describe, you two have changed my life, and the life of my family. You have taught us love. You have taught us strength. You have taught us friendship. You have taught us to go on, as hard as it maybe. You have taught us to be open with our feelings. You have taught us that death is not to drive us to be alone, but together. You have touched our lives in such a way that we, will never, be able to repay you or give back what you have given us!!!!!!!! TRACY M : As GOD saw fit to take Michelle's soul, HE has left us with the cherished memories of so many special occasions we all shared with her, times of merriment, times of joy, times of laughter and embarrassment. The friends and families hearts that Michelle touched is proof of the love that she shared with so many people. So 50 years young she passed away, yet Michelle lived 150 years if her life was measured in experiences and her husbands love. The angels above wanted her and no mortal man can refuse a wish from GOD. No matter how much we wanted to keep her here on earth, she was taken to Heaven, and if we listen close enough we can still hear her laughter and talking in that ONLY MICHELLE LANGUAGE that was so so adorable !!!!!!!!!! DeeDee S : Steve, I love the way you enjoy talking about Michelle, it gives me an oppertunity to know her through your eyes. I know through my eyes she is a beautiful woman with alot of love to give others. You are so lucky to have her love you in the way that she did, and you loving her the way you do!!!!!!COURTNEY S : I believe in angels, and I believe Michelle was and is an angel. As much as it hurt having GOD take her away, maybe HE knew she had touched enough people here, changed enough lives for the better, that HE needed her somewhere else. Wouldn't it be great to think she's spreading her love to others in need? Only an angel could do that much good here on earth in such a short period of time, ONLY MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could go on and on With more and more loving praises from so many emails I've had, but let me conclude for now with a poem I wrote, This is for husbands and wifes or wifes and husbands. Michelle and I lived by this, it's really so simple, it goes like this!!!!!!!!!!If I could give you the world I would lay it at your feet. If I could give you unconditional love, I would do it in a heart beat. Look back at the past and enjoy what it brings, Look forward to the future that brings you new things. To get the full value and joy of friendship and love, you must have that special someone equally TO LOVE!!!!!!!!!Good night my DEAR, SLEEP IN PEACE YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, YOUR ONLY HUSBAND STEVE
Vicklyn
September 28, 2007
Dear ‘Chelle,
It has been a long time since I wrote last, but I talk to you daily in prayer. It has been six months tomorrow, since you left us and some have been able to deal with it easier than others. We all handle these matters differently, some hold the pain in and don’t show the world, others can’t hold back the tears and other move on and try and live life the way you would have expected. None of these ways are right or wrong they are just different and I am sure that some may not understand how the others can handle things the way they do. All I know is we all have to face this in whatever manner is best for us.
I know for me this has been a roller coaster that I don’t feel I am ever going to get off. You are always in my thoughts. The memories get stronger, but it only makes me love you that much more. You were a huge influence on me and I try to be what you would want me to. I know you only wanted what was best for me and now that you are not here to remind me of that, I have to look within and hear your voice. You were always my sounding board and now I have to do this on my own. I am so glad you brought so many great people into my life. I now have so many people that can help me to remember all those wonderful times and your amazing sense of humor and that smile that was so infectious.
Keep smiling over us all and feel free to kick us when we slip up. I remember when I came back from Hawaii with Mom and you gave me such a hard time about a sundress that I wore and how protective you were. You were always watching out for me. Now I have to carry that on to my children and nieces and nephews. You left some HUGE shoes to fill. I could never do all that you did, but I am sure going to give it a shot. : )
I love you now and forever. You are my guardian angel, you always were.
Your OLDEST Niece,
Marcia
September 23, 2007
Hey sis, I can't believe that it's been over a month since I wrote last, for that I'm sorry, I haven't even checked my emails for almost that long as well. We went on a cruise so naturally that took a lot of my time before, during and even after, and on top of that my grandson is staying here and keeps my computers pretty well tied up and than of course I've been doing some heavy dancing, trying to keep busy, it does help some what in the mourning stage. I still have a real hard time just thinking that you are gone, There are times that I think I need to talk to Michelle to just realize that I can't pick up the phone and talk to you any more.
We did the M&M's again in honor of you, and it's so amazing how many people really comment about the M&M's over any other way. It's fun but not nearly as much fun as it was months and months ago, but unfortunately I'll never have that again, but I do have the wonderful memories that we made together, and that no one can take away from me. We all miss you so darn much it really hurts, I don't exactly know what Steve is going though, because I've never lost a spouse or anything, But I have my own grief with losing a very dear sister, I had never lost a sister before now and I don't want to lose another either, it just hurts to much, and if losing a spouse hurts more than losing a sister, I sure hope I never have to go though that. I will try to write a little sooner next time, but no promises, I'll do the best I can. Just never forget that I LOVE YOU with all my heart, and that will never change. Love forever--Your Sis--Marcia
Your Husband STEVE
September 6, 2007
MY DEAREST MICHELLE : It's been one month since I've last written, not because Ive forgotten or didn't want too, but this last month has been noticeably harder on me!!! TIME, you know that word, the one I hate so much, is waring on me. For me TIME makes things harder, it hasn't soften the pain, it's only made me long for you more!!! I live day by day, it seems as though I have no purpose in life, I'm just existing. What a sad way to live!!! I've become so vunernable now that any little thing pulls me down. Counting on friends and family is good, but they can't be there all the time. You were, always there. You were the only thing in my life that was constant, I relied on that, I needed that, I still need that!!! I can't live on false hopes and promises, I need something or someone stable in my life. My tears haven't stopped, I don't think they ever will. I know so many people rely on me, but the problem is I have no one to fall back-on, you were always there, my support, that comforting factor that I always needed. Now what am I to do? I can't let everyone down, but I feel I'm being let down, its not their fault, they can't take your place, no one can!! This last month I've been hurt so much by family and friends, they don't even realize it, maybe because I'm so sensitive that any little thing that happens is a big let down to me!!! The impact you had and still have on my life is devastating,I love you so much!!! I just can't let go. I know this letter has many more negatives than positive points, but at this time in my life thats how I feel. This TIME factor is killing me. Maybe I thought or expected to much, everyone says it's been such a short time of grieving, but I expect my grieving will go on for a very long time. There we go again using that word, TIME. I can't understand or grasp the concept of time. Theres no limit to time, it just keeps going on!!! How long, I truly don't know. In some ways I wish that everyone could feel my pain, then they would be more sympathetic towards me!!!I'm not looking for their pitty, just their understanding. Our love together was so great, that it should over shadow the loss, but it just doesn't, at least for now. Here I sitting at your desk at work writing, still taking care of business, the business that I've known and loved for 40 years, but now even though I'm here, I'm not, it really doesn't matter anymore!!!For 20 years it was always my dads business, and even though he passed away 8 years into it. Ever since 1990 it was our business, now I honestly don't know whose business it is!!! I've lost my motivation, my drive. Thats because you were my driving force, you were my life,you still are my life. I live for you now, please give me a reason to carry on. I need some peace Michelle, the peace that only you and GOD can bring. I pray, I ask everyone to pray for me, just like I asked them to pray for you!!!I'm sorry I'm dissapointing you, I just want so much for you to be proud of me. In your own words, I'LL DO WHATEVER I HAVE TO DO TO BE MYSELF AGAIN!!! Those words resinate in my mind over and over. I pray and cry daily, sometimes two or three times!! I resight this prayer every day probably for the last 50 years. Please resight this with me, but please listen to what the words truly say!!! Look down upon me good and gentle Jesus while before thy face I humbly kneel, and with burning soul pray to beseech Thee to fix deep in my heart lively sentiments of faith hope and chairty, true contrition for my sins and a firm purpose of amendment, as I contemplate the words that David Thy prophet said of Thee my good Jesus, they have pierced My hands and My feet they have numbered all My bones......... Lord please give me the strength I need to carry on, please give me all the love that Michelle possess for me, now and forever. I pray not just for myself but for all Your children. This sorrow and pain I have I pray will never happen to anyone, but this I know, Thy will be done, not my will!!!!I love you Michelle, more now than ever, my love grows stronger, it sounds odd, but it does. Imagine it like this, we so loved Christ when He walked amongst us, and now we love Him even more, day by day. Just as He is here with us, you are too!!! I love you my sweet dear, you ARE MY WIFE, YOU ARE MY WHOLE LIFE!!!! hopefully the next letter will be more uplifting. Your only husband who loves you so so very much STEVE
Marcia Schnell
August 22, 2007
Sorry, it's been a few weeks since I've written, but that doesn't mean that you've been forgotten, far from it, you are always in my thoughts and always will.
Well, that awful green polish that you and I picked out with the yellow found it's way on me, and we didn't get to share it together, but Linda put it on me in rememorance of you, but I wore it proudly, just for you. I sure miss going there on Thursdays with you. It's never as much fun as it use to be and probably never will either. With all of my love, your sis--Marcia MISS YOU FOREVER
LOVING HUSDAND STEVE
August 7, 2007
My Dearest Michelle: I've been wanting to write since the spreading of your the ashes. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry, as little as it seems to most, I know what you truly missed That simple little card that I would buy for each occasion, maybe two or three. But this was hard it was your birthday, I really wanted to buy one but just didn't know what to do with it. Maybe I should have and put it with all the rest, that we've saved over the last 18 years, most people would never believe that!!! So here I am think, what to do? I wrote your mother after the service, let her know everything was perfect just the way YOU did every thing, the perfect. The letter went like this: Esther, things have finally settled down to where I can take the time to write. Yesterday was beautiful, I can honestly say GOD has blessed me in so many ways. The first time Michelle and I went to Napa was in December of 1988. We had been in Las Vegas the week earlier and had a cheap bottle of Whitehall Lane white wine. It was so good that we decided to visit Napa for the first time. That day the weather couldn't have been more beautiful, sunny with not a cloud in the sky. When we were married in Napa on January 14th 2005 at Whitehall the weather was equally as beautiful, sunny skies, no clouds. Yesterday, the day we layed her to rest, both at Whitehall and Pride wineries, there wasn't a cloud to be seen. GOD opened the skies and made them so blue, peacefull and calm. As Doug the gentleman who married us and also gave the final eulogy talked about Michelle's love of life, and how she will always be with us, he mentioned how she was like a breath of fresh air, and out of nowhere a breeze came through the gathering as to say I am here approving of what we were doing. Later when I spoke I referred to the poem that was written by a unknown, that we had printed on her memorial cards, that said she is like thewind that passes through, an again that same breeze blew across us all. This was defintely not by chance, it was GODS way of showing us she is still with us!!!!!!! The one thing I asked GOD for was the calming peace that HE gave me when I asked the doctor to let her go, at that time peace entered my heart, I was not as fortunate this time, the relief was not there. Although I felt that breeze, the reality of her not being physically there was disapointing. Again reality kicked in, although she is with me always, she isn't, at least the way I would wish for. Reguardless everything went well, I personally spread a portion of her ashes at Whitehall, where all things began, Jim and Tony spread the rest of the remains at Pride for all to share!!!!! She is and will always be loved by all, there was close to one hundred people attending to give their final respect, honor and show their undivided love for her. She has definitely left a tremendous impact on this whole world. And for this I am truly greatful. GOD gave me something that very few mortals will ever have, a wife that I could and can enjoy the true love of sharing together!!!!! She was and is an amazing woman!!!!! Take comfort in this Esther, your daughter, my wife was so truly loved by all, and that she will always be an example for all to follow. What a tribute, we are so honored to have her in our life and to know she is truly OURS!!!! GOD bless you Esther, know now she rest, she is in the arms of the LORD!!! I have recieved so many emails from those that had attended, they all proclaim the same message, she was loved by all and her memory will always live on!!! MY dear I need to focus on the fact that you are not physically here but you will always be here for me in memory and spirit. I know you want me to live on, to be happy, to continue my life without you. My mind understands its just that my heart doesn't feel it yet! One thing that has surfaced in my mind is how much you really have done for me over the years, not just me but everyone. I don't feel like I ever took you for granted, I didn't, I loved you to much too, but I just didn't realize how much you really did!!! With work the house the kids,shopping ,laundry reading, sowing and just taking care of me and all the things I put on you! You were amazing, you never stopped, you always finished everything you started, and you did it all perfectly and never complained. I only hope I made you as happy as you made me. I will try to live my life in the example that you have set. I want you to be so proud of me, like I was so proud of you. Thank you for giving me the last 18 years of an experience of a life time, a life with you!!!! Good night my dear, I will write again when the time is right. Your devoted husband STEVE
Marcia Schnell
August 1, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIS; As usual I like to be the first one to call and wish you a happy birthday, since I can't call this is the next best thing. We're all getting together today on your be half. You are always on our minds but today that's all that will be on all of our minds. Mom won't be able to be with us but that doesn't mean you're not on her mind. She plans to be at the Temple at the exact same time that we're going to be in Napa, with you. We'll be leaving in an hour or so. But this doesn't mean we're saying good bye completely. You will always be with me in my heart and mind. Until next time, I just wanted to say and wish you a Happy Birthday--So Happy Birthday Sweet heart. Love you Sis, with all my heart--Marcia
A Friend
July 27, 2007
Michelle, I miss your friendship, your love, your care, your smile, your ability to look at the big picture. I miss our dinners with you and Steve, I miss you.
Marcia Schnell
July 24, 2007
well, things seem to be getting a little better for me but you just don't have any idea just how much I miss you Michelle. Naturally the worse time when you're missed is when I get my nails done. Sure I was going to Linda for 5 + years before I got you to go but I never knew how much fun it can be until you and I use to go together and spend 3 ot 4 hours just having fun and laughing together. Now I'm back where I started, since you left me. I'm back to just spending an hour and half at the most. No one could believe that it would take 4 hours to get our nails done, but with you with me it was the most fun I would have spending time with you and just having a good time. There's not a time, I go get my nails done, that your name doesn't come up. I'm not the only one there that really misses you.
Your Birthday Day is next week and I plan to be with you and the rest of the family. I had mixed emotions about things but I think it is probably something that I have to do. I'm really hoping it will help me to get though this. I just sit around and I honestly can't believe that i can't just pick up the phone and call you and talk things over with you, like we use to. But nothing ever stays the same, does it. I guess that's life as bad as it seems at times.
Well, my dearest sister, I've got to sign off for now, but I'll be writing more next week for sure.
Love you Sis with all my heart--Marcia
LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
July 22, 2007
My Dearest Michelle: It's time to write again! I can honestly say I can see this process of writing will not end for a very long time. My LOVE for you only seems to get stronger, the hurt precise and doesn't lesson. Everywhere I turn the memories remain. Thats a good thing, but yet it still hurts so much. I really don't know how I've made it so long without you here. Friends, family, and by the grace of GOD, I quess. I'm sorry but all of them put together can't replace you. You are you, you were meant for me and I for you, this I truly believe!!! Vicklyn and I went to Napa on friday, met with Tim at Pride, got all the details and arrangements in order for August 1st. THIS DAY of all the days of my life, I will be relying on you to help me from above, your birthday and spreading of your ashes in the most beautiful spot in the world, were you can look down upon us all, for always! After leaving Pride we stopped at ZinsValley for lunch, talked to Greg, sat on the patio like we use to do so many times before! I want to go back to places we've shared and loved but it's so hard to handle, the good memories are there but your not!! Saturday I went back to Napa by myself, to Bob and Marty's house for dinner. Doug and Fed, Judy and Mandy were there. Great food, fabulous wines and as always wonderful conversations. You were in everyones thoughts, we talked and reminisced about all the good times, and also what the future has to bring. Oh though memories!! The drive home was tough, alot of tears and guilt, I guess for you not being there and me trying to enjoy myself. When I'm alone the guilt really drifts in and takes over my emotions. Should I enjoy myself without you there? Even though I know in my heart you really are there, you'll always be there, I know that and it should comfort me, but I'm sorry dear I'm so selfish it's not enough! I NEED YOU!!I want to continue going back to Napa, but it's things like this that prevent me from doing it more. If I could take everyone there like we did and let them enjoy themselves like we would, I would feel great until I got home alone again! I'm afraid theres no life or enjoyment without you here, we've shared so much together more than anyone could ever know!! The time we spent together, which was every second of every day, was my heaven on earth. I can't see how anything else can compare to that!!! How can you look forward or go ahead when you know you've had it all, the best of the best, yes thats you, Michelle!!! I feel sometimes I have nothing to offer, I've given it all to you, and I'm still giving all I have left to you!!! You are still that huge part of my life, you are my whole life!! I should feel so ashamed of myself because I truly know the suffering you went through, both mental and physical, it was so much greater than what I'm feeling now!!!!!! You've had your hell on earth now it's my turn, I guess? GOD took you and made things better for you, hopefully someday that will happen to me, where He can relieve me from this terrible suffering. I LOVE YOU MY DEAR, I LOVE GOD, now I have to learn or find away to love Steve!!!!!!!Help me Michelle, you of all people loved me so much, show me the way, I need your help!!!August 1st will be just as beautiful as your memorial service, the only difference is that, that was a celebration of your life, this is a form of letting you go. I don't want to let you go, but just as I did in the hospital I have too!!!!! I only hope GOD can relieve the pain and pressure that I now have, like He did then!! On march 29th HE reached out to me and relieved me from my suffering. Please GOD do that again, please Michelle help me through this!!! I LOVE YOU DEAR, I want the world to know that, I want the world to understand what true love is all about, I want them all to feel the love we share. Then they'll truly understand who we were!!!!! I will write again. Your with me every second of every day, you even help to guide my PEN !!!! Your Loving Husband STEVE
Marcia Schnell
July 16, 2007
HI SIS, IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO WEEKS SINCE I WROTE, SO I FIGURED I HAD BETTER WRITE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU DEFINIANTLY HAVEN'T BEEN FORGOTTEN AND NEVER WILL BE. JUST BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M NOT THINKING OF YOU BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT YOU ARE ON MY MIND ALL THE TIME. I THINK THE MAIN TIME I THINK OF YOU AND THE THINGS WE USE TO TALK ABOUT IS WHEN I GET MY NAILS DONE, AND LINDA IS ALWAYS COMING UP WITH A NEW DESIGN FOR US, WITH ALWAYS YOU IN MIND.
I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND ALWAYS WILL BE, WE ALL LOVE AND MISS YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. I AM SUPPOSE TO CALL DAWN AND STEVE AND WE'RE SUPPOSE TO GET TOGETHER FOR LUNCH BUT I'M NOT SURE IF I'M READY FOR THAT YET, BUT IT IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO DO OR SHOULD DO, MAYBE I CAN GET THE STRENGTH FROM YOU, YOU WERE THE STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW AND I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HAVE SOME OF THAT STRENGTH RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE THERE ARE TIMES THAT I WONDER IF I AM EVER GOING TO MAKE IT AND GET THOUGH ALL OF THIS WITHOUT YOU, BUT I DO REALIZE THAT LIFE DOES GO ON AND THAT YOU AND DAD ARE JUST STANDING THERE WAITING FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVED ONES AND THAT WE WILL ALL BE REUNITED, ONE OF THESE DAYS. WELL I'M GOING TO SIGN OFF FOR NOW AND WILL PROBABLY WRITE IN ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO. LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART--
YOUR SIS MARCIA
Vicklyn
July 5, 2007
I went to the property with Steve this weekend and spent time with the family. It was nice seeing everyone. I missed the party last year and couldn’t do that again. I regretted too much. I am sorry I couldn’t have done it while you were here, Chelle. Guess a little too late. I enjoyed sitting and talking to Grandma and the family. It was hard not having you there. It was great seeing everyone that came. Hard to believe we have all grown up so much. Steve did very well. He only had a few moments that I knew he was having a hard time. He wanted you there with him. You had to be proud of him though. He didn’t want to stay and watch the movies, but he stayed longer than I thought he would be able to. He does so much for “you”; hopefully he can start to do things for himself. He has so much of you in him. Doing things for others and putting himself last. You were (and are) such a huge part of his life; it is amazing how much you encompassed his whole life. He feels lost without you and it sure is going to be hard for him to ever fill your shoes (even as little as they really were). They must have been magic to hold such a “HUGE” lady, (little frame, GIANT heart).
We all love and miss you everyday and we hope that we are living our lives the way you would want. You were a great mentor for those of us who were open to your teachings. I just wish I could have had many more years to learn. I don’t think I can ever teach my children the way you taught me, but I am doing my very best to pass on your wisdom. You are in my thoughts constantly and I love all the memories. Please guide me now from heaven.
With all my love
Linda N.
July 4, 2007
Dear Michelle,
Today is the first 4 of July that we missed you since we have known you! Your Mom and Marcia came to see us and I drew American Flags for them to remember you, Michelle! Your Mom and I talked a lot about you, about how you made us laugh, and we both couldn’t keep our tears….
Marcia pretended to make fun of your Mom like you did, but it was different! She kept laughing. I could see, however, her smile with tears in her eyes. I remember your Mom said, “When my children were young, I told them what to do, now they tell me what to do,” and I my heart sank to know that your Mom really wants you to “tell her what to do,” but you were gone!
I know today is a hard day for your husband. Everybody is out together for dinner, barbecue, or picnic but he has to go without you!
Tonight David and I went to Lodi Lake to see fireworks. I have to tell you that they didn’t do good job like years before. I come home and get on here to write to you a little bit. We all miss you, Michelle!
Happy The 4 of July to you over there, too, my friend!
Linda N.
Marcia Schnell
July 3, 2007
It's been over a week since I wrote. We had our get together Sunday and it was a very nice day. It was great to see us as little ones, without a care in the world. Steve came but didn't stay to see the movie, it got to be a little hard for him and had to leave. He's taking things really hard. But unfortunately aren't we all. Writing here does help to ease things for me though.
Mom and I had our nails & toes done together in honor of you, Michelle. We did the red, white & blue thing bring the 4th of July and all. Mom thought she'd go normal with a pale pink, but I set her straight and told her just because Michelle isn't here doesn't mean anything, because if Michelle were here she wouldn't be doing normal, so in honor of Michelle, we have to do what we have to do.
Well, sis just keep looking after all of us that love you so much and sooner or later I'm sure we will reunit. Love you and miss you just as much--Your sis-Marcia
Marcia Schnell
June 20, 2007
Here I am again. I could be just riding in the car and start thinking and tears roll up just because I would start to think about you and the past and the things we did or talked about. I really wish I could say exactly what's on my mind but unfortunately I can't because we all know why that is. But it does make me feel better just being able to talk to you even though I can't get everything off of mind.
But there definiatly is one thing that i can say and that is I Miss you more than words can say and love you very much. You never know how much you love someone until they are gone. I knew I loved you very much but I didn't think I loved you so much that it hurts and I can't seem to be able to get over this, I have never had anything this hard to get over it, it seems that I am so alone and I don't know who to turn to, to talk too. Someone told me that I should go talk to the Bishop, and NO it wasn't mom, or even a member of the church, even, but i have a hard time talking to strangers and definiatly crying in front of them. I know if I start to talk about it I'd start to cry and that would bother me, So perhaps just writing to you like this really seems to help a little anyway, it's what we would call a temperary fix. I'm sure things will get easier, I hope. I don't understand how people get over these things, they probably don't they just handle it better I guess. Personally I am handling things pretty I just have my moments and have to work though them and this does help, at least.
Well, Thursday is here again and there will be plenty more to come. I think I am very thankful for my square dancing it helps me keep my mind off of everything. That's like my own little world, where I feel the most comfortable. Well I'll probably write you again in a week or two or when I'm feel down again. I love you sis and miss you very much
Marcia Schnell
June 11, 2007
I know I just wrote the other day for mom & Spencer's birthdays, well today is Daddy's birthday and hopefuly you are spending it with him, But unfortunately Birthdays for you and dad probably don't mean a whole lot, but they still do for the rest of us.
Just got back from visiting Linda and I hate to say it, it just doesn't seem to be the same without you. But I have to go but not on our day, no matter how much I need it.
Well, time keeps going and we're all surviving. I'm watching the program that you got me started watching that I never watched before you told me about it, and you're right, it's a pretty good program, and naturally every time i watch it I have to think of you and usually laugh at something you've said or something we did together. I miss you and sure wish you were here. When we use to get our nails done together I thought that, that would last forever. Well until next time, be sure to tell Dad Happy Birthday. We all love you very much and miss you terribly. Love you sis, Marcia
Judy McGrath
June 11, 2007
I'll miss Michelle. The whole family made me feel like I was one of them. I stayed with Michelle when Butch was overseas and we had a great time. I don't know Steve that well But, when I was around him he made me feel welcomed. I hope he is doing okay and knows that she is watching over him and will always love him.
I remember the family games when we would try to beat the other couples. That was great fun. The water fights were also fun. She will be missed by all
LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
June 11, 2007
My Dearest Michelle : I write to find answers with in myself. I ask questions that no one has been able to this point to answer. I have asked You and God for guidance and comfort, I have been going to both doctors and counsellors trying to find myself. I try taking advise from all, but really to no avail. Answer [1] Time, no one knows how long grieving takes. 2 days, 2 months, 2 years. Everyone is different ! Answer [2] You can't move forward to you know who Steve is!! Steve has been trying to find Steve for 60 years. Steve is a product of all his experiences, From learning from his parents, by being married and having children, by being divorced, by finding his best life long friend and eternal soulmate. Michelle, Steve has learned from all, he has learned that the loss of any of these individuals, or experiences, could and are devastating to being Steve. Like I said before, Steve is product that is comprised from many people and factors in his life. This is why Steve is having a hard time with Steve, he loves all the components, that makes Steve, but he can't isolate one from the other, they have been married together to the point were they can't be separated. The answer here lies, Steve has lived through many tragedies in life. All to different decreases, all that took different periods of time to heal! [1] the loss of his father [2] the divorce of his wife [3] the loss of communication with his daughter, who still pains him so [4] the near loss of his son in a fiery accident, [5] and now the devastating loss of his lifelong soulmate, his best friend, his wife, MICHELLE. Each loss is tragic, but the older Steve gets the harder and less resilient he becomes. Each has taken its toll, but with each added one the toll becomes greater. That is why the loss of Michelle, has torn him in half, she had shared in all these other parts of his life losses and now has become the loss of all, or combination of all his losses. She was the one person he could count on to be there to share these losses with, now there is only Steve, the Steve that was Michelle's Steve, the Steve that was nourished for 60 years with love affection,heartache and heartbreak, the Steve that shared his whole life with all around him the Steve that was and is the compromising culmanation of his total life, the life he total invested in the love of his life, the one person who brought all these factors that made Steve, THAT OF COARSE BEING MICHELLE. I love you dear, I still pray every day for yours and Gods assistance, for love and guidance in my life. Rest well my love, we know you will because you are in the arms of the Lord. GOD BLESS YOU YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
Marcia Schnell
June 9, 2007
I was going to write yesterday on mom's birthday, but I was so busy and didn't really have the time, so now i am taking the time to write and let you know how much I totally miss you. Yesterday was mom's birthday, tomorrow is My Grandson, Spencer's birthday and Monday will be dad's birthday, boy what a month of birthday's. Butch and mom will be hear at the end of the month, and we are all suppose to get together, and now I'm starting to have second thoughts about it for personal reasons, and it's something that I have to work out for myself. You know how mom always believes in head doctors and I wonder if they work maybe they do and maybe that's what I need to get though this myself. I don't know, all I do know is that you are missed and loved by all that knew you, but none could be as much as I love and miss you. You never know just how much you love or miss someone until they are gone. It comes to the old saying you never know what you've got until you lose it, boy is that ever true. Love you sis and miss you terribly.
Your sis--Marcia
ONLY HUSBAND STEVE
June 7, 2007
Michelle: I'm really not in the mood to write! All I can say is I LOVE YOU SO. Your memory lingers on , your life is still entwined within mine. The only thing thats changed is that your not here phyiscally, but your still all around us! I feel thats good, I'll take you anyway that God will give you to me!!! REST good tonight my DEAR, pray for me, I need it!!! You will always be in my thoughts and prays, you will always be the biggest part of my life, and please pray for peace of mind for all who love you, there are so many that hurt over your passing, its not just for me,but for all who truely love you. Your one and only husband STEVE
Marcia Schnell
June 2, 2007
Well, the third times a charm. I have no idea why my writings haven't gone though. I don't know what I'm saying to keep it from making it to the book, but I don't give up easy either.
I don't think I've ever missed anyone as much as I do you Michelle. Bad enough but on Thursday's are the worse for me, but like everyone else I seem to survive it. But there is not a day go by that you aren't on my mind for one reason or another.
I know i'm not the only one that misses you and loves you very much. They say that it will get easier, but I keep waiting for it to get easier. I just have so many memories and I think of them constantly.
When mom & Butch come back at this month we are all going to get together and watch the family movies that Dad did when we were all kids. So probably be more tears to come, with naturally, you Michelle, the top of the conversation. There will be plenty of laughter with I'm sure tears as well. Well until next time. I LOVE AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH--With lots of Love--Your sis
Vicklyn
May 29, 2007
Here we are two months after the passing of a great lady and we are trying to live life the way we know she would want. It is not always easy, but we are all doing our best. Days like today are difficult with all the memories and mixed emotions. I still have moments when I have a feeling that you are just away and you will be back soon. I feel as though we are just passing the time until you return, but I know that it is the other way around we are just passing the time until we return to you.
You brought so much joy into my life and now I am lucky enough to have all those wonderful memories to look back on. I am starting to really understand that it would not have matter when this happened and how long I had you in my life it never would have been long enough, so I just smile at the thought of your silly little hand gestures and your unique language of your own.
In the past 2 months I have met a lot of people who have great stories to tell about you. The one common thing I hear all the time is that they will never forget your smile. That is how I like to think of you now, watching over us all and smiling down upon us. Just forgive us when we forget to make our beds and happen to leave the laundry in over night. We are trying, but it is going to take a lot for some of us to become that good. : )
With Love and Hugs,
Bill Patterson
May 29, 2007
I had to read them all first. Wow!
Steve & Michelle. That is all I have ever known in how to introduce or think of Michelle. S&M (no pun intended)
17 years ago - at the pizza joint with Tracy and Fam. is where we met. Fun was always the motto whenever we were together. Fun and some great (you know what). Always special and real.
9 years ago - Tiki Party in Fairfax - Fun and a life changing experience for Yoshi (bro-in-law). Details are availble by request. Michelle and my Mom, what a combo. So Happy together! We still talk about it today. Steve mentioned it to me two weeks ago.
3 years ago - 50th Birthday party for me. Who brings wine, stories, joy, laughter? S&M of course. My Stepmom asked who the handsome guy in the photo was? Steve, of course.
Michelle was so special to so many. With the continued sharing of her life with everyone, it helps to see the whole Michelle. I feel lucky to have known her in the capacity of the times we spent together. Always with joy and lots and lots of laughter. She (and Steve) are very good for one's soul.
We had many more times together than just these three!
Peace - Bill
Stephanie Haywood
May 29, 2007
Steve, It was wonderful visiting with you. I wished I had more time to stay and chat. Aunt Chelle's spirit is all around you and you can feel her in your home. I can't wait till we get the chance to come back. Thank you for everything. You are so very loved.
HUSBAND STEVE
May 28, 2007
MY LOVING WIFE MICHELLE !! Here I sit writing again asking myself questions that have no difinitive answers. How can a person like myself have so many devoted friends, [thanks to you my dear Michelle], that support and love me every hour of the day, and still feel that I am lost and alone! This four day weekend was basically none stop. My niece, Kira spent friday thru monday with me, friday dinner with friends and more friends at Ernies. Saturday golf, lunch, smogged Kira's car and dinner with more friends again. Sunday golf, watched movies with Kira and attended a graduation dinner for my nephew Zack, returned home watched another movie then went out for ice cream. During these past three day I feel that Kira and I have become much closer, our conversations have been very open and honest, truly benifical to both!! Monday Michelle's niece from Idaho stopped by early morning on her way back home with two year old son Randy, I'd haven't seen her in over two years. It was hard, the first time since Michelle's passing. Stef and her husband Randy were always close to Michelle and I, I think because Jim, Michelles's son and Tony, my son, were always so close to them. We visited for an hour before she had to return for home ,12 hour drive. Stef has always been such a good person and now has grown into a beautiful mother, wife, and young lady. It really hurt to see her leave! Kira left around 11 a.m.trying to beat the traffic back to the bay area. So here I am alone again, but doing my chores, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry. During the time Kira was here I bet WE recieved more than one hundred phone calls, emails, or text messages, from friends just checking on me, we even had a few stop bye. Kira is trying to teach me all this modern stuff on the computer and cell phone, never knew you could do so much! I guess I never really cared! Kira has diffinately filled one void in my life, since Michelle's passing and for this I AM TRUELY GREATFUL!!!Friday I recieved so many emails from my friends in Napa, After my excursion on monday. These people are truely astronomical, words don't exist to discribe how I feel about them and how they make me feel! Their just to good and their love for Michelle and me seems to be never ending! They so know how I feel , and do every thing, to ease my pains. God Bless them all!! An so, here I sit and write again[ although I had an offer to go to dinner tonight with Matt and Molly for sushi] thats not my bag. So I'm thinging to myself, why be so depressed, look at all your friends, look what you can do with them. But still thinking,with all the things that Michelle and I did together, which was everything, I think, we enjoyed more than anything was just being alone, doing nothing! Sounds stupid doesn't it, but its true. As many times we went or stayed in Napa, we always left early to come home, just to kick back and relax and do nothing! Even when we got MARRIED on friday Feb 14 2005, at 10:30 a.m. we were supposed to stay thru the weekend, but no, we were gone by 11:00 a.m. the next morning, packed up and left and returned home, that was our place our comfort zone! We loved each other so much, just the simplest things made us happy! We've bin so lucky that we've had the whole world at our disposal, but all we really wanted was each other, so plain and simple. Please all of you that read this, understand, that LOVE is all around us,it cost nothing, but one thing. TO recieve love you have to give love, unconditionally. It doesn't cost a dime, its free to all that are truely sincere in giving and recieving of it. This goes for spouses, lovers, friends or family members. Please for Michelle, and in her name, LOVE ALL, as she did, thats what she would want for us all!! I hope and pray that each and everyone of you can experience the love and devotion that Michelle and I have had for each other through our life together!! This would truely bring peace to our lives!!!!! AS before, I will write again when the time is right. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
Chad @ Andrea Kirk
May 24, 2007
Steve, on behalf of the Kirk family, we are so sorry for your lose. I remember when we lived in California and Toby, us and you guys would all go eat. We always had so much fun with yall. I know Michelle was such a huge part of you. There are never the right words to say to someone who has lost someone so important and precious to them. We do, however, want you to know that if there is anything we can do for you to help get through these tough times, to let us know. We are here for you and just wanted you to know we loved Michelle too and she will always be a part of our family and her memory will always be with us. Michelle has touched so many lives and that will remain with each and every person she had came in contact with. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.....Chad & Andrea Kirk
YOUR ONLY HUSBAND STEVE
May 23, 2007
MY DEAREST MICHELLE: Here I sit again writing, wondering when or if the hurt will ever go away! Its been 8 weeks since your passing, but the memories make it feel like yesterday. Monday I returned to Napa, took your doctor and a friend on some tours and tastings, just likewe have done for 18 years with others. We always enjoy showing friends a good time, thats what life is all about, doing thing for others. Spent time with so many of our Napa friends[family]and enjoyed it!! They all took excellent care of us making sure everything was perfect. We ended the day at dinner at Jeanty's, you know fabulous tomato soup in puff pastry,mussels,french fries and more. And of course 4 bottles of the finest red wine. There were 5 of us at dinner and as usual no shortage of great wine good food or intense conversation. All I wanted to do was keep my promise to you and the doctor by showing her that our life together revolved around others, enjoying life to the fullest. Its not about the cost, your age or anything else its all about one common thing,love for people by sharing! If we could only strip ourselves of all our own worldly treasures , an come to reality and understand, its not about money, its not about status, its not about who we think we want to become, but about who we really are!! You know that little person deep down inside of us thats like a child, an infant, so innocent and pure! When Christ said what you do to the least of my little ones you do unto me! We are all little ones in Gods eyes, so by sharing and giving of ourselves, we have done Gods works. Michelle you were a master of this, and I will continue to try to give back to all in your name, sharing with those and educate them not just in giving, but caring and loving. Remember were all children and equals in Gods eyes. Age has no boundaries and love has no limitations. I returned home late that night only to realize the guilt I was feeling for enjoying myself. [ I know thats wrong to feel that way Michelle would not want me to feel like this but to carry on]. The real problem arose in realizing that I was all alone with no one to share all my wonderful experiences of the day. I'm starting to understand its not our love for Napa, or our love of friends, but its about being alone with no one to share these things! My doctor has prescribed pills to get me through the days, and they work, when you rememberto take them [monday I missed 2 out of 3 times] that am sure contributed to my delicate feelings.while my circle of friends remain, and maybe growing . Just in ourlife you made life very easy for me. Now with our friends, they make life a little more bearable. Just as I needed you Michelle, I now need them! Talk to your family weekly, their still having a difficult time. I personally have ups and downs but the doctor says I'm progressing, thats good. I'm trying DEAR, to do this not just for me but for you too! I love you so, and will always continue too! I'm still praying for Gods love and your guidance. I know someday my prays will be answered. I will write again when the moment is right, and I will continue to try to do Gods will with your help and guidance. I LOVE YOU DEAR!!!!
Marcia Schnell
May 22, 2007
It's been a while and I just felt like I needed to talk to you and I really miss our talks and time we spent together. I really could use your shoulder right now, besides making me laugh and feel good you could always come up with some good advise. I could have used your caring shoulder the other day after dealing with my
ex-mother-in-law, I need not say more, because you know what I mean. I just had a totally rotten day the other day. I am always thinking of you and it either makes me smile or tears will roll down my cheeks and sometimes even both with fond memories of you that will always make me laugh. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and will never forget you and will always think of you with all the wonderful memories I have of you and the family. Love forever--your SIS--Marcia
Marcia
May 16, 2007
Well I don't know why there are times that I write here but it doesn't appear, it's happened several times to me. It takes a time to write stuff for it not to appear here.
You, Michelle, are so missed it's not at all funny. There's not a day goes by that u aren't on my mind. I always think of the different shoes that are in my closet with no mates to them because most of them are in your closet, I have a single purple boot, several flip flops and a few slippers. I always remember when we all wore different mates of shoes at mom's birthday party, and the fun we had building Butch's slippers. Everyone had so much fun because you were there making it fun for all of us. You were so funny and cute, we all love you so darn much it hurts. I can only imagine what Mom, as your mother, Steve, as your husband and Jimbo as your son must be going though, because it's harder then the dickens for me as your sister.
You are so missed and loved. With all my heart your loving SIS--Marcia
Dawn
May 15, 2007
The memories of you are so strong that some days it is so hard to cope. This being the first Mother's Day without you here, My thoughts were really with Mom, Jim, and Steve. They being the 3 most impacted people on this day. We all felt the loss but, I know these 3 had really a tough day to cope with. I spoke with Mom and she was doing Ok. She was really dreading the day. Michelle ALWAYS sent Mom a card on Mothers Day. Steve found the card Michelle had already purchased Mom and sent it to Mom. That meant a lot and helped her day go a little easier. I personally have had a tough week. Michelle has been on my mind constantly and every dream I have is of her. I have so many memories that it will take a life time to relive them all. But, I plan on doing just that. The many camping trips we took as a family, the trips to the Island, and her and I taking classes together in summer school (none of which we made it through to the end). All these memeories make me smile. I have truely been blessed to be her sister. We all have been blessed to have known her. I miss her greatly. I know with all of my heart that she is in a special place with Daddy and they are helping to watch over us all. After all that is an angels job you know..... I LOVE YOU SIS
Vicklyn & Bill
May 14, 2007
Chelle - I wrote yesterday, but I guess something I had written in the posting must not have met the guidelines, so I am writing again. We all thought about you a lot yesterday (being Mother's Day and all). We are doing our best to live life the way you would want us to, but forgive us for shedding a few tears in your memory. We all miss you so very much.
I heard a song on the radio the other day that we used to sing along with together and I could not help but shed a tear at the final verse. It talked about when one of us was gone, the memories would have to carry us through. I am doing my best. I know you would want me to be happy and to smile at the thought of those days, but I cry for my loss of having you to talk to and the mentoring you always gave to me.
I went to the Sherwood Mall a while ago and they closed OLD TYME BURRITO. Can you believe it, no more “Beettos” (Burritos)? That was weird too, since we all used to get those burritos when we were anywhere near there. Everything just seems to keep changing around me and not all for the good. There are so many memories that I have with you: Making Bubble Gum Wrapper Chains, Just hanging out, Calling to just talk about nothing, Helping with Holiday Gatherings, etc. There were so many times we had together and some we won’t talk about. : )
I read the Guest Book and see all the wonderful things people have to say about you and all I can think is how lucky we were to have you as long as we did. We have lost a great mark on the world. Carrying on your legacy is not going to be easy but we can only try to do the best we can.
We all love and miss you and will continue to write to you in this book as long as we have it to write in.
With all my/our love,
Linda Nguyen
May 14, 2007
Dear Michelle,
We talked a lot about you yesterday. Lots of mothers and daughters and sisters came to see us on Mother’s Day but not you. It was the first Mother’s Day time we didn’t have you at our shop since we have known you. Marcia has to change her day coming to a different day instead of Thursday because she hurts a lot for being there without you on that day. We keep talking and crying to remember you. When the news about your passing away released from Lodi News, many of my clients brought to me pieces of newspapers they cut out from the papers that had an article telling about you, “Here’s for you, Linda, I know you want this,” they told me.
And any time our clients who used to share laughter from you asking about you, I showed them that piece of newspapers to see them tearfully reading it. “She’s so nice and so young,” most of them said.
I’m happy any time receiving a notice from the Guest Book that some guests gets in there writing to you and can’t wait to read it. You need to bless your poor husband. He keeps crying and missing you. I think you would cry reading his writing like I always do. We all miss you and try to live the way you lived, “Live, love, and laugh.” Thank you dear Michelle! Although you’re gone, you’re with us forever!!!
Love, Linda Nguyen
LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
May 13, 2007
My beautiful, caring and loving wife MICHELLE. Today is MOTHERS DAY I've been dreading it for the past week. I've done as you have always, bought mothers day cards for all! I even considered buying you one, but I just went into your dresser and read all the old ones that I have given you over the years! Maybe thats why you always saved them, for me to read later. You know Michelle, even with all the support, [and I get alot of it] from all that loved us, my pain,sorrow and depression seems to worsen! I don't know if it's because of this day or maybe everything is just setting in! Please believe me Dear, I'm trying to cope, but I'm not strong like you! I know you could have handled this much better than I. But by the LOVE OF GOD and the guidance of your hand ,maybe, hopefully, I can get on with my life! It seems daily that I run into someone we know, that hadn't heard of your passing, or maybe someone I know but haven't talked to since then! This is really hard for me. It kind of resurfaces the memories all over again. People who we know and love, I can talk to all day about you and it gives me a good sense and feelings. I love talking about you, I love watching your C.D., and I love listening to your voice on the tapes. I feel these are good and positive things. I don't want to lock you up in the closet and hide you. I still want you first and foremost in my life. Maybe you can't be here physically but you will always remain first in my HEART! Those eight weeks you were in the hospital now seemed as they past so quickly, but these last six weeks after your passing have seemed like an eternity. I feel sometime theres no real end to this! Letters and notes still come into the guest book, thats good. Your love and memories care on in everyones hearts. Like I said before, what a tribute to such a loving and caring lady, MY MICHELLE. Its amazing how we have impacted so many couples lives, and thats a good thing. Our love knew no boundarys and it filtered into everyones lives. I rejoice in this, for I know that you did not die in vain, but your life was a testamony for living! GOD BLESS YOU DEAR, for being an example for all to follow. You are my Angel and a Saint, you will always be MY LOVING WIFE! Again as usual I have more to say, but will write more later. Those of you that read these letters, please enjoy the spirit of them and also write yourself, it truly makes me feel better to read what YOU have written, and I think likewise it will make you feel better too! GOD BLESS YOU MICHELLE AND GOD BLESS ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
Tony & Becky DeValle
May 13, 2007
Dear Michelle,
Happy Mother's Day, we miss you...
Love,
Tony & Becky
Vanessa
May 13, 2007
Dear Nana,
I love you very much and I'm very sad that you are gone. But I want to tell you Happy Mother's Day!
Love,
Vanessa
Molly Davies
May 8, 2007
Everyday I think of Michelle. Thoughts of her pop into my head…usually out of the blue. Maybe I’ll be standing in the frozen foods section at Safeway and I’ll catch a glance of the frozen peas and all I can think is, “Michelle hates peas”. Or I’ll be driving in the car and see a lavender bush and remember how Michelle told me to rub lavender on my hands to make them smell good. Or I’ll put on an outfit and look in the mirror and think, “Michelle would say that this makes me look fluffy.” So many things remind me of Michelle. What I miss most about her today…..is her advice. She gave the best advice. She always knew what to do or how to handle any situation. Everyday I miss her….but today…I especially miss her advice.
Marcia Schnell
May 8, 2007
Well Michelle, it's been a few days and believe me or not but writting here really has helped my pain. but I here certain things or see certain things and naturally I think of you Michelle. I don't think I have ever gone though anything harder than what I'm going though with the lost of my baby sister and best friend. I can't even go do my nails on Thursday's any more because that was our day. but naturally no matter what day I go I still think of you, Michelle and remember all the good times and laughter we had in that shop. We always tried to get the funniest and goofiest things on our nails, If one didn't think of it the other did. But naturally you blamed me and I of course blamed you but we both know that it was a mutural thing. But that was half of what made it fun to go there together. I may not have you here to hug and hold and tell my secrets to but I do have my wonderful memories and no one can take that away from me. It seems a little easier to think of you and talk about you without tears, but there are still more tears to come, but at least not as often as they us to and not nearly as easily to come, but that doesn't mean I don't love you any less or even miss you. You'll be love for all eternity and will be missed by me and the rest of your friends and family for the rest of our lives. You have no idea, just how much you are loved and totally missed. With all my heart and love you SIS--Marcia
Ycart Rellim
May 7, 2007
Michelle - This is just to let you know that Steve smiled a little on Friday night. Steve, Kira and myself went to Cactus in Woodbridge where Steve consumed the equivalent of a Moonshine jug full of Coronas and I put away a pitcher of Cosmos - Kira was the only resisting imbiber - more then once he cracked his familier grin and showed his pearly whites. I told him that I will give him 'till Sept. 1st to come around or I will bring my 45 auto over, pop a few rounds into his lawn as a warning, then I'm coming in and he better hide lest I shoot hime in the foot. The point is Steve has shown promise and has started up the road to recovery. Bye Michelle
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
May 6, 2007
Michelle: MY LOVING AND CARING WIFE. Here I go again writing to you. It's very lonesome without you here by my side. Last week I visited with our neighbors behind us, she notifed me that her husband was dying of cancer had very little time left, in fact she said that he was right on your footsteps. Bill's dad is having major back surgery on Friday. Talked to your mom and sister,Dawn for guite sometime,each. It just seems as though everyone around me is having problems and is so sad. It seems I can't find many happy moments from anyone. All I hear is STEVE just hang in there, things will get better! I'm trying to make you proud, by doing everything the way you would want! I visit my mom at least every other day and I am doing as you told me, before leaving her house, I kiss her hug her and tell her I love her. Remember , the last words you said to me before leaving her at her house, before you entered the hospital. Steve you get right back in that house and give your mother a big hug and kiss and tell her you love her! I told you, she knows, but I still did what you asked. Now I know why!!!!!! Michelle I'm trying to be brave for you! I've always wanted to do things that would make you happy. Believe me I'm still trying! I never knew, or wanted to know, what it would be like living without you. Now I know! I don't like it, and so many times I can't bare it! I'm so sorry Dear but my love runs so deep for you it's killing me inside. The only break I get is spending time with our friends and talking about you. That makes me feel so good . But when I go home afterwards, the hurt starts all over again. I'm so afraid of what's in front of me, because the hurt and unknown continues on! I don't think this hurt will ever totally go away. I loved and love you far to much. In the Christian world it's like putting me into hell with no chance for salvation. I'm trying to explain my pain and grieving but it's hard to put into words. I need to put you back into my life somehow, so I can be comfortable with myself again! I just haven't figured out how to do that yet. I'm trying to feel,think and act rationally about myself, but my pain and sorrow always seems to cloud my vision. I need that sign from you, I need to know you want me to carry on, for you, I still need your love. I'm so sorry, I'm going through this and upsetting you and everyone around me. I know I have to be strong like you, and I know with your help and Gods love and the support of my family and friends, hopefully someday I'll return to some form of normalicy! I LOVE YOU DEAR, I will write again, hopefully I'll be stronger.
Ashlie
May 5, 2007
Dear Nana and Papa,
I love you guys so much. Nana, you were the best. You were so fun and funny, I loved to spend time with you. Papa, I know you are sad that Nana is gone but you still have me, my brother, my dad, and my mom and we all are here for you whenever you need us. We will be there for you because we love you and Nana loves you so much. At first I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t cry because Nana died but my mom told me that it is hard for some people to cry about these things but I didn’t really understand because I still couldn’t cry even if I tried I thought that meant that I didn’t love Nana, but I know I do and I always will. She is like a hero to me. At least we got to spend time with her while she was alive. There is a poem I made it is called “I love you” it goes like this “Never miss a chance to say I love you!” Please don’t forget that. People think she is gone, that she has left us but you know what I know she isn’t gone maybe we can’t see that she is with us but she is and she is watching over us. She loved and still does love us and she always will. She will always watch over us and you will be with her again just don’t let the rest of your life go to waste because you are sad she is gone. She wouldn’t want that, she would want us to move on in life but she wouldn’t want us to forget her either and we will never forget about her. She is too special to us. She will always be here with us till the day we die then we will be with her where we can see her and hug her and kiss her.
We love you and Nana so much I will always be here for you. She is here right now and when she isn’t here she is in Heaven looking down upon us watching us and loving us. I will never forget the good times I had with her. I hope you don’t either but please don’t remember the really bad times you had with her remember all the good times. As people say, “let the good times roll.” I know it is might be hard to remember the good times but she would rather us remember the good times and not the bad. I just want you to really know she is with you wiping your tears, so stop crying and just remember that she is with you all the time and she will always be here for you and all of us who love her and I know there are a lot of people who love her, maybe there are people who don’t really show it but they do and they always will. Nana has a lot of friends because she was and is a great woman that is why people love her. I love you guys so much and Papa just remember she is always here for you and so are we. Love you so much and please stop crying for the old memories. We’re here for you if you need to just let it all out.
All My Love,
Marcia Schnell
May 3, 2007
Michelle, It's really hard to believe that you have been gone for over a month and it has been a really rough month for me. I have written here to you several times but there have been twice that I can think of that did seem to go though for some reason or another, but I don't give up that easy and shall write when ever I feel like and need the need to talk to you. It's so hard at times but we're all tough here and some way or another we shall servive. But I am going to try to write at least once a week or so, and than if it doesn't go though I'll write again.
We had our home movies made into DVDs and can't believe we were ever that small or young that seems like a whole life time away. But at that time we never thought we would get to this age either but of course we did. Now here we all are watching all of our children growing up.
I watched some of our family olympics vcr tapes the other day and naturally the tears just rolled, but you were so cute and naturally funny, You were always the funny one, you could always make me laugh, and I sure miss that but the memories are what really keeps me going but I sure miss the old times and you. Love you sis, Marcia
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
April 29, 2007
My Dearest Michelle: Everytime I hear your name I cry. It's now the first month anniversary of your PASSING. For me the days have gotten longer and harder! I miss you so much! I am now realizing that our physical life together has ended. The WE, we had together is gone. I am back to the he, not WE! My idenity has to be altered and changed. I have to form a new idenity within myself. But right now I can't, my life without you is unbearable. I never wanted anything but YOU! You fullfilled everything in my life and made my life worth living. Still friends and family are there, but thats not what I need! I guess I put all my eggs into one basket, and that was you. Well now the basket is empty and you are gone. I am searching, but I can't find any comfort without you! Saturday I did some yard work, came in after 4 hours, I was totally exhausted. I cried, you weren't there with that cold glass of water like usual. I was really feeling down and lonely. I thought if something happens to me [ like happened to you ] who would be there! Do you see why I'm so scared! I have no Michelle to be there for me. It hurts so bad! I feel like I'm nobody without you! My life was all about you.YOU WERE MY LIFE, YOU ARE MY LIFE. I feel as though I can't live without you! For all that read this, you may think you shouldn't be so dependant apond your spouse, because of what I am going through now! But I'll tell you, I would never give up one second, hour, day or life without Michelle. She has given me enough LOVE to last 10 life times. I would never trade that for anything. Although I am hurting so badly, I LOVE her even more. I wish I had taken more oppertunities to show her how much I LOVED her. Baby I'm so sorry. But I know in my heart you can see it now. I still can't believe your gone, and I don't want to believe it either. Reality is so hard to face, especially alone! I am writing because I know your listening, and I know your love for me will ease my pain. I know now, how much pain you endured. I feel that pain ever second of every day. I feel like I'm dying inside a little more each and every day! If I must feel this way in order to remain loving you, I will do so for the rest of my LIFE! Michelle, your worth every bit of it, no matter what it takes. You've given so much love over the years, theres no way I can live without it. So please keep loving me like I love you, and some day the good LORD will give me the peace that you now have! But until then, I am struggling and fighting to maintain some resemblance of life. It's hard but I'm trying. Give me the strength I need, please, give me a sign that will help me carry on, please! Things haven't changed in my life, it still in your hands,just like always! If I can't live with you, then I'll have to live for you! I will try to give everyone the support and respect that is due them, just as you did! I will try to smile, even sometimes when it hurts, like you always would. And I will LOVE everyone the way they need to be loved, just as you did! You are truely a great lady! Me and everyone else are learning so much from you. Your impact on everyones life will live on forever. What a tribute to one so small and silent. You are diffently one of GODS choosen chldren. HE loved you BLESSED you, and now HE has rewarded you by taking you into HIS bosom. Thank you LORD. YOU are truly a loving and caring GOD! I pray to you Michelle every day, and to you GOD to take care of all of us the way YOU took care of her. I will write more, as the feelings come. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND WHO WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU WITH NO EXCEPTIONS, FOREVER STEVE
Vicklyn
April 26, 2007
Dear ‘Chelle,
Everyday since your passing has been a challenge. I keep thinking today I am not going to burden people with my memories. I am sure they are tired of hearing about how much I miss you and wish I had more time with you. Your life was too short and I lost so much time with you over the past year. I wish I could have been there to see the pain you were going through. I wish I could have helped you through it. I treasure the last few weeks I had visiting with you, but I just wish I had done more. I can't help thinking that I failed you. You were always there for me and I could not do the same for you. For that, I am truly sorry!
Ever since, I can remember you were doing things for others and putting yourself last. I should have insisted that we talk and do more together, but I always thought there would be more time. I guess that is not true. I remember in the Emergency Room when I thanked you for letting me be there with you, you took my hand and said, "I missed you!" Believe me when I say, "You took the words right out of my mouth." You will never know how much those 3 little words resonate in my mind now. "I MISS YOU EVERYDAY!"
This has made me really think about life and the meaning of it. If you love someone do not allow them to push you away just because of some silly misunderstanding. Be sure you work it out immediately. Ask questions; don't assume there will be time later. Life is far too short and you need those you love around you.
People keep telling me that family is family you should always remember that. I am not sure I 100% agree with that, you cannot choose the family you are born into. You were my family, but you were also my BEST FRIEND. You accepted me for who I was and told me when I was wrong. You kept me honest, you kept me safe, you kept me loved.
I will never forget our time together, but I cannot say I will ever stop wishing I had more time. My children will not have you at their graduations, their weddings, and the birth of their children like you were there for me. Like you always were. I just hope you can still watch over us all from where you are now. I will continue to watch for signs from you, but you are always with us and you gave us the tools we needs to be the people you would be proud of. I will do my best to do, as I believe you would want. I try not to be sad, but please, 'Chelle, understand I grieve for my loss of one of the greatest influences in my life. Now I just think to myself, "What Would 'Chelle DO?" I know if I continue to think this way I will live my life the way you would approve of. You have always been my conscience and that will continue for the rest of my life.
With all my love,
Marcia Schnell
April 26, 2007
I am so glad to hear that we can continue to write to my Sis for another year, it's my say to be able to feel close to her while she's gone out of my life but definiately not out of my heart.
I don't think I've ever missed anyone as much as I do you Michelle. I remember all the times we spent together especially every Thursday, That is definiately a hard day for me right now.
You have no idea just how much you're missed by all especially Steve. He loves and misses you more than words could begin to say.
It seems every time I think of you I can't seem to stop the tears, no matter how much I try. I never realized just how much you are a part of me and are so filled in my heart. It seems every day should get better, but it's not working for me. But writing like this really seems to help me get by. We all Love and Miss you so darn much, it's not at all funny. With great love--your Sis--Marcia
Linda Nguyen
April 26, 2007
Dear Michelle,
Many touched, beautiful impressions were posted here. Especically, your poor, lonely husband's works. I couldn't stop my tears reading those words. Everybody missed you, crying to learn that you were gone and we'll never see you again. I don't want these works to be gone. I know that people keep writing for you and there'll be more who want to write about you. David and I decided that we should keep this Guest Book remaining here longer to remember you, the very nice, cheerful, sweet heart person, Michelle!
You'll be missed forever!!
Linda & David - Lodi
Stephanie Haywood
April 26, 2007
I think of Aunt Chelle and the family often. Just regret not being their to support the family, we were their in spirit.
So many memories, words will never be enough to express our loss or love for aunt chell. You will be missed greatly...your love and spirit will always be around us and in our hearts. Thank you for all that you've done for us, all the memories, and all your love you shared.
Dawn Haywood
April 25, 2007
With Michelle's passing nearing a month I can not express the sorrow I have felt personally and seen or heard from family and friends. Michelle touched so many lives. I can not imagine having to loose either my spouse or a child. This is what both Mom and Steve face now. Mom has now faced both with the passing of Daddy in 1993. These have got to be the 2 hardest trials the Good Lord hands us. Anything else seems to pale to them. My heart is really heavy for the lose I feel with loosing my sister but, extreme heavyness hits when I speak with either Mom or Steve because that is pain I can't make go away for them. I comfort them the best I know how but, nothing will ever fill that empty void they (and we all) feel. Jimbo I thank-you soooo much for that beautiful CD you made for your Mother and caring enough to have copies made for the whole family. I watch it and cry but more importantly I remember all the wonderful time we have had together as sisters and family. Thank-you all for the notes you leave, I know they bring some comfort to those who read them. Michelle touched so many lives they are countless. All of her neices, nephews, cousins, friends, sisters, brother, Mom, and Steve GREATLY miss her. We all are truely blessed to have had Michelle in our lives for the time we did. I know she is in a better place without sorrow or pain and for that I am grateful.
I LOVE YOU SIS,
Dawn
Vanessa
April 24, 2007
Remembering Nana
NANA,
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER how I used to water the plants with you,
And how you and I would walk Buddy and Nico together.
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER how you made me popsicles
And homemade ice cream.
AND NANA,
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER that you bought me Nickelodean and Sponge Bob things which I really loved;
And how we used to make beautiful "blow pen" pictures together,
AND NANA,
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER that I wrote you a note when you were very sick.
And that I wanted to write you another one but it was too late.
MOST OF ALL NANA,
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER how much I loved you,
And that you loved me.
From my heart,
April 24, 2007
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Chacy (Tracy)
April 23, 2007
Our loss is Heaven’s gain – As God saw fit to take Michelle’s soul, he has left us with the cherished memories of many special occasions we all shared with her, times of merriment, times of joy, times of laughter and embarrassment. The friends and families hearts that Michelle touched is proof of the love that she shared with so many people.
50 years young she passed away, yet Michelle lived 150 years if her life was measured in experiences and her husbands love. The angels above wanted her and no mortal man can refuse a wish from God. No matter how much we wanted to keep her here on Earth, she was taken to Heaven and if we listen close enough we can hear her laughing and talking in that “Only Michelle” language that was so adorable. “What’s for lunch today? Steve, let’s have Yibs!” Which we all know is, “Steve, let’s have ribs.” So let’s all put aside our anguish and think only of the cherished memories Michelle has left us all and take comfort in knowing her body suffers no more. We will miss you, Michelle!
Randy Haywood II
April 23, 2007
I have too many memories of my times spent with aunt Chelle to list here. Of all my aunts and uncles I was closest to Michelle. She was nothing but loving and caring toward myself and others. I will miss her always.
Steve and Jim,
Please forgive me for not making it to California for the services. Though I was there in spirit I will regret not being there in your time of need for the rest of my days. Both Stephanie and I love you both and wish the best.
We love you aunt Chelle. Please keep a smile on Gods face as you did on ours.
YOUR LOVING HUSBAND STEVE
April 21, 2007
Michelle; As I sit here surrounded by your pictures and memories, reading the beautiful notes writen in your guest book, I,m realizing the impact you,ve had on my life. Everything I do, and I mean everything, was to please you; I find myself making the bed, cleaning the house, doing laundry just the way you did. Everything has it's place, and I will make sure it stays that way. I'm nothing without you. The job I perform at work is mine, but everything else I do is you. It's hard to believe but I know that you have totally emcompassed my life. Friends and family have been great. But the you I need is missing. YOU ARE MY LIFE . In so many ways, I can't believe every little thing I do was dependant on you. What an impact you've had on my life. I use to tell you how you babied your son Jim. But now I realize it wasn't just Jim, it was everyone. YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF MOTHERS. It's not just Jim or me that will miss you, it's everyone that knew you. You are such a LOVING AND CARING LADY. We all didn't realize it until you were gone. Please LORD take care of my little girl the way she deserves to be taken care of. Give her the justice that is due her. She deserves every bit of everylasting LIFE. In my eyes she was my VIRGIN MARY the MOTHER THERESA of my life. I use to tell Michelle I didn't believe in writing in journals, in fact, when I first met her that's what she did. I told her I was there to listen, don't write just talk to me. She did, now I find myself writing. I don't have anyone to listen [ MICHELLE] the way she would. Look at the impact you've made on my life. You've changed me without me even knowing it. I wish I could be strong like you, you could always carry on. For such a little lady you were so very strong. Today is Jims birthday, in two days it will be mine. No cards, no huges, no words can replace the emptiness that we will both feel. Getting through this week will be so tough without you. I will miss the one thing you always wanted. Just one greeting card that says I LOVE YOU. No gift, no nothing, just a simple card, thats what you always told me. And now I realize how important those cards are. GOD I LOVE YOU, my Michelle. Please reach out and tough me, please, I need you to get passed this. When you were in the hospital I wouldn't let anyone cry around you. Now I find myself crying constantly. I can't help it. The love I have for you is so great, it has engulfed my life. Please help me through this rough time. I can't do it on my own. You were always there for me, you didn't prepare me for this. The pain I am going through now, doesn't compare to what you went through during your illness. I know that. You are a true MARTYR. I have to look to you for strength. Please give it to me. MICHELLE I write these things for you, like you did, but I write them for all to read, so they can understand what we had together. Maybe, hopefully, it helps, if not me, someone else. I will continue later, there's still so much more to say. But please, please, remember I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY WIFE, YOU ARE MY WHOLE LIFE.
April 21, 2007
I am so sorry for the families loss. I've known the family for years and I know how much they must be hurting They love Michelle very much with all there hearts. I feel for the whole family and ache for each and every one of them. You'll be totally missed each and every day. We all love you much
Deb
April 18, 2007
Steve:
I could barely get through your letter. I told you I would call you back after I read it, and I will, but it won't be while you are at work. With me in tears on the other end, that would be the last thing you need.
I can't even express, I don't think anyone can, how bad we all feel. Just reading your words to Michelle opens my eyes to a lot about what we take for granted. You two were so lucky to have what you had.
It is a wonderful thing to have that sort of love, and that is why your loss hurts so much. The bad thing for all of us, is we can't fix it. We can be there when you call, come and see you, but I know that is not enough. We all loved Michelle, and we love you. I know there is not one person that you know who wouldn't be there in a heart beat if you called. You just need to lean on all of us.
Michelle:
We will truly miss you. You were a very caring person who always placed others first. I know you made Steve very happy. He hurts and somehow I hope you can reach out and help him.
I will truly miss you on our trips to Napa. Whitehall Lane will never be the same. We had so many laughs there with Kim, Dave and Tony. I use to love when you would give Tony the business about maybe giving him a backache (personal joke). Funny, funny times.
Thanks for always sharing your food with me! (another personal joke)
Deb
Ronald Poniatowski
April 17, 2007
Steve,
It is with great sorrow that I write these few words... As for
Penny and I are turely sorry we didn't get to know Michelle better than we did. Within the short amount of time we got to know you and her.We really enjoyed the welcome we recieved from the both of you. We will miss her dearly. May God Bless her and keep her by his side...
Peace be with you always
Your long lost Brother...Ron
Your Loving Husband Steve
April 16, 2007
To My Dearest Michelle,
Our life together was so short, 18 years of harmony and happiness. I find myself walking hopelessly in circles, crying out your name, hoping you will respond. You are my life, my wife, you will always remain in my heart, my life, everything. I am so selfish, but all I want is you. The “you” that I could hold and touch, the “you” I could confide in, the "you" I live for. God has taken you and left me with an emptiness that no one can fill. The memories live on but the hurt persists. I am a half without you. We were a whole together, we were a true couple, a family, we are the real meaning of what life long partnerships and friendship is, we were truly meant to be. I only wish I had more time to share my love with you – you deserved it! You are my little girl, who loves me so, so very much.
Every day seems to get harder, the pain hasn’t lessened. I only pray that some day we can be united the way we were, we were meant to be – I truly know that! I Love You, I always have, I always will, I will always be your only Husband. When God taught us of Blessed Trinity, The Father, Son and Holy Spirit, people compared us to the perfect couple – Steve and Michelle, one in the same, equal, they can not be separated, they are truly a match made in heaven. If people could only understand? We had no separate identity, our identity was the same, we were WE, not her or him, what a perfect way to live and love. I wish I could convey the hurt I have inside, I have lost a BIG part of me – my identity, my heart, my soul mate, my love, my wife. Please believe me when I say, life is way too short, cherish the times you have, take time to smell the roses, make the best of all situations. Believe me when I say, “I NOW, KNOW!”
When God created man he took a rib from Adam and made Eve. When God created the MICHELLE we all know and love, he took my whole rib cage. Please, Michelle, understand my grieving, it’s because of the love I have for you. I wish I could be freed from this, but hurt, pain and sorrow must go on! With love comes lost, and I have loved and lost so much. The greater the love, the greater the loss. I don’t truly understand why, but I can’t question God’s decision to take you from me! Please hear me when I say, “I LOVE YOU!” That is my decision, and it will live on forever. I Love You, My Wife. You are my total life.
Destiny Dunaway
April 14, 2007
I remember spending time with Aunt Chelle. Whe she live in Pinoeer staying the night and having root beer floats and playing games or watching tv. Anut Chelle was always fun to be around. We love you and you will be missed. Love your neice Destiny and family
Lavon & Randy McVay
April 10, 2007
Dear Steve,
I know words can never express the sorrow we feel when we've lost someone dear to us. And words never seem to help us deal with our grief. But please know I am so very sorry for your loss. And thank you Michelle for brightening my life and others with your smile and beautiful attitude. God Bless.
Teresa Fraga
April 10, 2007
Michelle you were one of my favorite aunts, even though I wasn't around that much, but I loved you with all my heart, as well did all of you mom, sisters, brother and all of your other neices and nephews, you were loved by all that knew you, Your neice-Teresa and kids.
Susi and Bob Gier
April 8, 2007
We are truly sorry about your loss God Bless
Tom Carnett
April 8, 2007
Michelle will be really missed by us all. I've known the family for many years and Michelle was one of my favorite sister-in-law. She'll be so missed, by everyone especially her immediate family and all of her neices & nephews as well, they all loved her dearly
Sandra and James Rivers
April 7, 2007
May God bless you and your family in this time of sorrow...Your family is in our prayers..
Vicki McGrath
April 7, 2007
Hey Sis... Just no words can ever express the loss we all feel with your passing... You have left such a void in our lives and I fear it can never be filled... I feel as though I never told you enough just how much it meant to me to have your support, love and understanding through the rough times... Thank you for always being there and for all that you did and attemped to do. You will truly be missed. I don't know if you really realized just how much I envied you and your love of life. You are a very special LADY and I love you. You are the wind beneath my wings and I will be seeing you again in the future. You and Daddy can make a special place for us all to be together. I LOVE YOU SIS AND MISS YOU SO-O-O-O VERY MUCH....
Linda Nguyen
April 7, 2007
OH, Michelle, I miss you so much! You're such a sweetheart person. You always brought laughters to me and David and to anybody around you. I couldn't hold my tears whenever I think about you. I had invented new design for your nails to make you happy and you never came back!
I'm very sorry, Steve. Michelle told me a lot about you and I know that she loves you so much.
Our sympathy to you and your family, Steve.
Linda Nguyen (Her nail lady Lodi, Ca)
Lonnie Smith
April 7, 2007
To the McGrath's especially Esther & Marcia, sorry to hear about your loss, Michelle touched all of our hearts and she will be totally missed, and my heart goes out to the family, and may God bless you all, We know that Michelle is with her father now and he will take care of her now.
geri mccarver
April 7, 2007
may god be with all of you in this time of need for all of the family may god bless you all love geri mccarver
judi mccarver
April 7, 2007
may god bless all in this time of need i have know the family for many years and my heart goes out to you all please no she is in gods hands and loved very much love judi
Molly Davies
April 7, 2007
"Some people come into our lives,
leave footprints on our heart,
and we are never the same."
- Unknown
Allan and Cis Baker
April 6, 2007
Dear Steve and family, we don't know what to say except be strong for each other and remember all of the good times. We were privileged to have known Michelle. All our love, Allan and Cis
Denice and Bill Dunn
April 5, 2007
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You and Michelle always brought smiles and laughs to all.
Laurie & Dick Ling
April 5, 2007
Steve and Family: We cannot begin to express in words what our friendship with you and Michelle has meant to us through the years; the barbeques (and batches of beans), the baseball games, the cemetery, the pump business, and all our shared interests. Special memories will always be with us, like Michelle's journey through RCIA with Laurie, your love for one another, Michelle's tireless enthusiasm for life, her smile and especially the always-clean tennis shoes. We will keep these things close to our hearts until we see her again. May God Bless you and sustain you, and give you peace.
Nona Adams (Geer)
April 5, 2007
I am so sorry about michelle you may not remeber me But this is Nona Adams (geer) I Just wanted to let you all know Im thinking of you and feel your pain as we lost our sister Twyla valentines day 2003 god bless and take care of all of you ( janet and dawn use to be real close to our family )
Bill Ritchie
April 4, 2007
To my loving aunt Michelle, I will always love the time we had, and the friendship we shared. The life lessons, and the long talks. I miss
you every minute of every day. I love you always Bill.
Toby and Jill Kominek
April 4, 2007
Steve,
Our deepest sympathy to you and your family. Never in all the years in baseball did we ever find fans as awesome, caring, and dedicated as our "Stockton Friends". You are in our thoughts and prayers!
David & Deb Burns
April 4, 2007
We know how much you'll miss your best friend.She wwas so young. Celebrate life and love and know that memories will sustain you.
Showing 1 - 100 of 115 results
Make a Donation
in Michelle DeValle's name
Memorial Events
for Michelle DeValle
How to support Michelle's loved ones
Honor a beloved veteran with a special tribute of ‘Taps’ at the National WWI Memorial in Washington, D.C.
The nightly ceremony in Washington, D.C. will be dedicated in honor of your loved one on the day of your choosing.
Read more
Should I Send Sympathy Flowers?
What kind of arrangement is appropriate, where should you send it, and when should you send an alternative?
Read more
What Should I Write in a Sympathy Card?
We'll help you find the right words to comfort your family member or loved one during this difficult time.
Read moreResources to help you cope with loss
Estate Settlement Guide
If you’re in charge of handling the affairs for a recently deceased loved one, this guide offers a helpful checklist.
Read more
Obituaries, grief & privacy: Legacy’s news editor on NPR podcast
Legacy's Linnea Crowther discusses how families talk about causes of death in the obituaries they write.
Read more
The Five Stages of Grief
They're not a map to follow, but simply a description of what people commonly feel.
Read moreWays to honor Michelle DeValle's life and legacy
Obituary Examples
You may find these well-written obituary examples helpful as you write about your own family.
Read more
Obituary Templates – Customizable Examples and Samples
These free blank templates make writing an obituary faster and easier.
Read more
How Do I Write a Eulogy?
Some basic help and starters when you have to write a tribute to someone you love.
Read more
