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Jay Leopold Obituary
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Memories and Condolences
for Jay Leopold
Paige Leopold
April 9, 2008
Dad, I don’t think it was your time and I am sorry for the suffering you endured over the last years and this last week. There were so many things still unsaid, undone. It is hard to find the right words all of a sudden. Nothing seems enough.
You knew how special a father can be to his child, for you were so close to yours. I know this because you continued to miss him and carry him in your being for as long as you lived. You felt the love and bond you both shared deeply in your soul. You adored him with all his imperfections.
I am beginning to understand this feeling more. I am consumed by you with everything that I do, as if you were seeing, hearing and acting through me.
There is so much that I am grateful for that I would like to express:
You taught me about compassion, sincerity, honesty, tolerance, self-understanding. Thank you for teaching me so much about being a parent.
As the child of a carpenter and seamstress who grew up during the Great Depression, you were not materialistic and claimed simple, “mid-western” tastes. Thank you for showing me the value of working with ones hands and of a job well done.
Thank you for your appreciation for all things beautiful, from “another perfect day in Greenbrae,” to a pithy quote from Twain or Ghandi.
Thank you for crying at my pets’ funerals in the front yard and showing me that a man can be sensitive and strong.
In some ways you were a person of simple needs: you loved your home - truly your castle-, enjoyed your children and took pleasure in work at the office or around the house. But above all else you adored your wife. I remember your relationship making a strong impression on me even as a young child. You were happiest at home with Mom. Thank you for teaching me about partnership through your respect for, friendship with and love of your wife.
Your calm, quiet presence to most of the world belied a more complex man. You did not always recognize the qualities that others saw in you or the depth of your gifts. You could be self-critical and tended to put others needs and wishes before your own.
You used your sensitivity and humanity to help your patients with their pain. You were as devoted a doctor as one could be and you derived such meaning from your work. When you looked at the world you felt the pain of the oppressed and marginalized.
I don’t think I will ever stop learning from you and from your life.
Though you were private about many things, you expressed your love for your wife and children in words countless times, though you didn’t need to, for we always felt your love- and saw it in your eyes.
You were a caring and loving father and grandfather. You let me grow up and be myself. I always knew you wanted me to be happy and to support me through hard times. Perhaps you are trying to comfort me now.
Thank you for being close to me and letting me be close to you. I will always love you.
Martin Silverman
April 9, 2008
49 years ago, I had the extreme good fortune to meet Jay. After talking for a while, we found that we shared a common interest in tennis, and arranged to play shortly thereafter. From that first encounter, a deep and abiding friendship developed and endured, lasting until his passing on Friday. Our relationship strengthened even further with my marriage to Deidre, followed two years later when Jay and Barbara married. Blessed by three exceptional and loving children, Paige, Bart and Michael, and our two wonderful sons, our families shared many memorable experiences. Taking care of each other's children while the adults vacationed, the Leopolds weren't quite prepared for our two young boys driving Tonka Trucks over their newly-painted walls. Neither were we accustomed to being awakened several times a night when Paige decided that she wanted company…….. a little tradition she had established with her Dad.
There were chaotic and fun filled vacations at UC's Lair of the Bear and in Santa Barbara. Jay and I must have played hundreds and hundreds of singles matches; it took me 10 or 15 years before I was able to win a set, and at least another few years before I managed to occasionally win a match. He was a terrific player and competitor, and the fairest line caller against whom I've ever played. 40+ years of Thanksgivings at our home, and Passovers at theirs. And so much more…… a lifetime of joyous memories.
Obituaries and eulogies naturally and understandably focus on the positive aspects of a life; the negatives are left unwritten and unspoken. However, there were no negatives in Jay's life. By any measurements, standards or criteria, he was a remarkable individual. He engendered love, respect and admiration among all who knew him. His humble demeanor, sense of justice and compassion were at his very core. In the truest and fullest sense of the word, he was a gentle man. During the nearly 50 years of our friendship, we never exchanged a cross word, and I never heard him do so with others.
These last years have been physically difficult for Jay, having been beset by a number of illnesses. Myasthenia gravis took a particularly heavy toll. Despite the burdens he bore, never once did I hear him complain, and he managed to retain his very fine sense of humor. Several days before he was hospitalized, and wasn't feeling particularly well, I suggested that perhaps he should lie on the couch and have the patients occupy his chair.
He laughed vigorously, and went on to tell me about a colleague recovering from surgery who had done precisely that.
A number of years ago, I read something that touched me deeply. I cannot claim the following words as my own, but instead a paraphrasing of the passage I have tried to remember. Humankind transcends death in many, altogether naturalistic ways. One may be immortal, genetically, through the generations to follow. In thought, through the survival of memory. And ideally, through identification with the timeless elements of the spirit. When Judaism speaks of immortality, it has these in mind. But its primary meaning is that humankind contains something independent of the flesh: Consciousness, moral capacities, essential personality…….a soul. To live in the hearts and minds of those Jay has left behind…… is not to die.
Michael J. Leopold
April 8, 2008
Dad, you were such a special and rare man. You touched all of those who met you with your sincerity, humility and compassion. You lived your life with such incredible depth, but at the same time simplicity. Your idea of the ultimate vacation was spending time at home with your wife and family. You didn’t need anything, but the richness of family or a project or two around the house to bring you joy. You possessed so many noble qualities many of which can be seen by the nearly 50 years you dedicated to your work as a psychiatrist helping people. Your curiosity for knowledge kept you searching to grow as a person throughout your life and you never stopped learning.
Your gentle, sensitive, kind, loving, and soothing nature brought comfort to your friends and family. Your intellect and wit kept us learning and laughing. Your ability as a listener is unmatched by anyone I’ve ever met and the dignified and gracefully manner in which you carried yourself was truly unique.
I feel so very blessed and honored to have had you as my father and for all the life lessons you taught me without even knowing it. Your support, encouragement and mainly your unconditional love for me have always been and will always be a source of inspiration and strength in my life. All of us are going to miss you so much, but you will always be with us in our thoughts and hearts. Thank you for everything you did for me, I love you so much.
Amy Torrano
April 7, 2008
My prayers are with you all right now. You were always inspirational to my mom, my dad, and a glue for our family.
Amy Torrano (Leipsic)
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Laura Crenshaw
April 4, 2008
Dear Barbara,
My deepest sympathy to you and to your family. Although it has been many years since I left Marin County, I have fond memories of your close and loving family. Your gentle Jay will always be in our hearts.
Fondly, Laura Herbers Crenshaw
Bart Leopold
April 3, 2008
Dear Dad,
Because we did not get a chance to speak just before you left so suddenly, I’ve decided to write you a note to let you know what’s on my mind. Please forgive me if I’ve told you any of this before; I just have to get it off my chest.
Thank you for being such a wonderful father to me. Your love, patience, approval, interest and dedication were more than I could ever ask for as a son. In fact, your honesty, integrity, kindness, generosity and compassion are qualities I try to emulate every day. I will always share with you my triumphs and set-backs, my passions and interests as well as my laughter and tears. Although we shared only half of your lifetime, 40 years, I plan to spend the rest of my lifetime with you and with your memory.
I feel blessed you were able to get to know Marga so well over the past 10 years. Although you won’t meet our son Lucas in person, he will meet you though Marga and I as well as through all the other people, present or absent today, who love you and cherish your memory. Speaking of all those other people whose lives you touched, I would like to take the liberty to thank you on their behalf. Whether you realize it or not, your presence and memory have made the world a better place for everyone.
We will never stop loving you and we will never forget you.
Your son,
Bart
Mel & Judy Croner
April 3, 2008
Dear Barbara.
We learned of Jay's passing by means of an email from Marty Marks. We just returned from Spain.
We send our love and deepest symphathy. We all will miss Jay. He was a special man.
Love, Judy and Mel
Lee and Edna Hotchkiin
April 2, 2008
Dear Barbara, We have thought of you throughout the years with great fondness. Our prayers are with you and the children. Jay was such a wonderful human being and neighbor.
Jan Ardell
April 2, 2008
Dear Barbara,
I have thought of Jay often with affection and best wishes. I am so, so sorry to hear of his death which I learned of today.
Jay was in inspiration to me and so many others through his consultative work at Family Service Agency of Marin. His deep compassion and acceptance of others combined with his astute understanding of human nature helped those who sought his counsel to open and grow as therapists. We knew we could count on Jay's support for our struggles and wise guidance in furthering our work. What a dear and gifted man he was.
My deepest sympathy to you, Barbara and your family.
With love,
Jan Ardell
Jon Brooder
April 1, 2008
Dear Mrs. Leopold,
Please accept my deepest sympathy at your loss of Jay. He was a person who one meets once in a lifetime if one is fortunate.
I know his love for you and your family will give you strength as it does for those of us
who are is friends. I shall miss him terribly.
Jon Brooder
Marilyn Hood
April 1, 2008
Dearest Barbara and Family,
Joe and I wish once again to offer our deepest sympathies to you, your children and grandchildren with the loss of Jay. Paige the obituary was very tender and loving and greatly honored your father. So pleased for all of you that you have just recently celebrated his 80th. May you all hold each other close and savor all the memories you share of a life well-lived.
With deep affection,
Marilyn and Joe Hood
Doug & Kris Saeltzer
April 1, 2008
Barbara, Paige, Bart and Michael,
We were so sad to hear of Jay's death. We will miss him very much. Our thoughts are with all of you.
Sincerely,
Doug & Kris
Karen Kandarian
April 1, 2008
Dear Barbara,
The love you had for Jay will provide you strength in the days ahead. May your cherished memories warm your heart and soon replace the hurt you now are feeling.
Hugs,
xo karen
Miguel Angel Mayol Amengual
April 1, 2008
Dear Barbara:
When we knew Jay's death, what we first thought was "thanks they've just been there and Jay has "met" his next grandchildren, Lucas, and he just has seen Bart and Marga..."
We're with you in these difficult moments.
We believe it's hard to continue life without the most important person in your life, the man with who you have created your big and great family, and shared so many things... like A FULL LIFE!!!
You'll have forever his love, and he will be next to you somehow, you'll feel him constantly because you're him and he's you. That's the miracle of life! He's just gone fiscally, but his soul will follow you every where.
All our love to you, Michael, Jacob, Paige and Zygi.
Esther and Miguel Angel.
Bob & Dale Mnookin
April 1, 2008
Jay's warmth, compassion, and good humor are indelibly etched in our memory. We send our love and deepest condolences to Barbie and the entire family.
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