When a person passes, it is traditional to honor their life with an obituary. An obituary is a broad overview of a person’s life and who they were, as penned by their loved ones — or even by the deceased themselves. It’s an essential way of ensuring you or your loved one is remembered in the way that reflects their (or your) wishes.
The possibilities of how an obituary can be presented are endless. At Legacy, we publish thousands of obituaries every year, and have seen every permutation of what they can be: funny, warm, inviting, sarcastic, formal, and everything in between.
Of course, once you’ve passed, you will have little control over how you and your life are presented to the world. Therefore, if you want to be remembered on your own terms, you might try writing your own personal obituary.
When a person passes, it is traditional to honor their life with an obituary. An obituary is a broad overview of a person’s life and who they were, as penned by their loved ones — or even by the deceased themselves. It’s an essential way of ensuring you or your loved one is remembered in the way that reflects their (or your) wishes.
The possibilities of how an obituary can be presented are endless. At Legacy, we publish thousands of obituaries every year, and have seen every permutation of what they can be: funny, warm, inviting, sarcastic, formal, and everything in between.
Of course, once you’ve passed, you will have little control over how you and your life are presented to the world. Therefore, if you want to be remembered on your own terms, you might try writing your own personal obituary.
When a person passes, it is traditional to honor their life with an obituary. An obituary is a broad overview of a person’s life and who they were, as penned by their loved ones — or even by the deceased themselves. It’s an essential way of ensuring you or your loved one is remembered in the way that reflects their (or your) wishes.
The possibilities of how an obituary can be presented are endless. At Legacy, we publish thousands of obituaries every year, and have seen every permutation of what they can be: funny, warm, inviting, sarcastic, formal, and everything in between.
Of course, once you’ve passed, you will have little control over how you and your life are presented to the world. Therefore, if you want to be remembered on your own terms, you might try writing your own personal obituary.
Ready to get started?
Ready to get started?
Ready to get started?
Our ObitWriter® can help you create an obituary for yourself in minutes.
Our ObitWriter® can help you create an obituary for yourself in minutes.
Our ObitWriter® can help you create an obituary for yourself in minutes.
Is It OK to Write My Own Obituary?
Writing your own life summary may strike you as unusual, but rest assured, it is perfectly normal to write your own obituary. Many people do it as part of their end-of-life planning, right alongside drafting a will and other essentials. It lets your survivors know how you want to be remembered, and it can also be a meaningful way to come to terms with the idea of dying, no matter how far in the future that may be. As you write, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your life, reminisce and recall favorite memories, and say goodbye to family and friends.
These do not have to be solemn, formal pieces of writing. It is okay to get personal in an obituary. Feel free to discuss the things you loved most, the people who are important to you, or even just your general thoughts about life. Be as personal as you are comfortable with and present yourself and your message as you see fit (with some caveats outlined below).
When you write your own obituary, you get the last word.
Your loved ones, meanwhile, get a lasting memorial that preserves your life story, details the family history, and showcases your unique personality.
Basic Dos and Dont's of Obituary Writing
There are many things you can include in your writeup, which we will examine below, though it’s also important to be aware of what you should NOT include in an obituary. A few tips to keep in mind in that regard are:
Set aside personal grievances. Obituaries are not the place to continue an argument, fight or grudge.
Leave politics at the door. You want to leave behind memories of you, not of the politics arguments of the day
Do not reveal family secrets. This will stain your memory and may do damage to those who survive you
Lists of people you appreciated. As nice as this sounds, you are bound to forget someone; hurt feelings will result
Keep in mind that your goal is both to ensure you are remembered in the way you wish, and for the world – especially your loved ones – to enjoy a “highlight reel” of your life.
Sound good? Then let’s begin writing your obit. We’ve put together this guide to help get you started. When you’re done, you can learn how to submit an obituary online.
1. Choose A Tone for Your Obituary
Your obituary is all about you, so it should reflect your personality and style. Whether you are serious or silly, verbose or plain-spoken, methodical or a free spirit, it’s not only okay to let your character shine through, it is encouraged.
Remember, you are the teller of your own story. That means you get to set the tone. Here are a few approaches you might take:
Humorous Obituaries don’t need to be solemn. If you’ve got a sense of humor, use it. A funny obit can showcase your unique perspective on life and provide a much-needed laugh for your grieving loved ones. If you are the kind of person who likes to lighten dark times with a joke, this might be the right approach for you.
Grateful
Do you want to ensure those you leave behind know the impact they had on your life? Then express your gratitude for those who helped you along the way with a heartfelt and sincere thank you to special friends, family members, teachers, doctors, nurses, or others who inspired you.
Encouraging and Inspirational
You can use your obit as a platform to inspire and encourage others. Talk about obstacles you overcame, times you failed but tried again, or your hopes for future generations. This is ideal for the kind of person who aspired to help others no matter what.
Educational
What is the use of hard-won wisdom if you’re not able to share it? You’ve learned a lot in your life. You can share your accumulated knowledge by offering lessons learned, tips for living well, or a detailed guide to making the best lemon icebox pie. If you taught others in life, this kind of obit will make your survivors feel right at home.
Biographical
Some people are natural storytellers, and many others have stories that are worth telling. Perhaps you’re one (or both) of them. Most of us do not publish our memoirs so writing your obituary may be your best chance to tell the story of your life from beginning to end.
All of the above There is no need to limit yourself! An obituary can be biographical, inspiring, and funny all at the same time. It’s okay to be personal in your obituary. It’s okay to be quirky. It’s okay to be you.
First- or third-person?
There is no right or wrong way to tell your story. Whether you say “I” or “she” when referring to yourself in your obituary is a personal choice.
For some, it makes sense to use the first-person “I” when talking about themselves: “I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint…”
Others find it easier (or funnier) to tell their life story in the third-person: “He served 3 missions for the LDS Church but they stopped sending him because he always came back…”
The key here is to take the approach you are most comfortable with. Once again, this is your chance to do this on your own terms. It’s okay to be you.
2. What to Include in Your Obituary
Now that you have decided on the right tone for your obituary, it’s time to decide what to include in it. The basics are obvious: who you were, where you lived, and your immediate family. Most obituaries include the following basic details about a person, though remember that many of these are purely optional and can be skipped at your discretion:
Your Name – Including first, last, middle, maiden, nickname, title
Dates of Birth and Death – You won’t know the latter, but someone else can fill it in later
List of Loved Ones – Spouses, romantic partners, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings are most common, though you can even include long-time friends, beloved pets, and others
Education and Career Highlights – Schools attended, degrees obtained, places of employment, awards or notable achievements
Military Service and Rank – Branch of military, wars served in, rank attained, special distinctions and awards
Memberships in Organizations – Any civic, fraternal, or religious organizations that were important to you
Hobbies or Special Interests – Places you’ve visited, sports you’ve played, activities you enjoy participating in, things you like to collect, favorite movies and books
Once these basics are covered, it’s time to flesh out the story of you with further details.
Who has brought joy to your life? What has given you a sense of fulfillment? Writing your own obituary allows you to emphasize the relationships, events, and activities that have meant the most to you. It’s also an opportunity to preserve your experiences and world-view for those left behind (and those yet to come).
Some things you might consider including:
Favorite People, Places, and Things
We can’t say exactly what you will discuss here because it will be unique to you. The grandmother who raised you, the teacher who inspired your love of learning, the best friend who was always there for you, the pet iguana who was your constant companion, the stuffed animal you carried around (even when you went off to college) – whoever and whatever helped define your life has a place here.
Unforgettable Moments
In many ways, a life is defined by a series of milestone moments. Think about what yours were and recount them in your obit. Family vacations, flat tires, rainy camping trips, your grandfather letting you drive the tractor, meeting your husband for the first time, moving to a new city or country, holding your daughter for the first time – whatever events help make you who you are, this is your time to bring them up.
Accomplishments
Fear not, discussing the major accomplishments of your life is not boasting. After all, many of these successes are what define your life. Graduating from high school, becoming the first in your family to go to college, finally finishing your manuscript, skydiving for the first (and last) time, or when you finally climbed the tree that your brother had shimmied up so easily – all of these are a part of a life well-lived, so consider including the ones that mean the most to you.
Hobbies and Interests
The things you do and love are a part of what defines you, and this includes your hobbies. Maybe you were an avid comic book collector. Maybe you loved covering Led Zeppelin songs on guitar. Maybe you could name every Doctor from Doctor Who. Maybe you knit amazing sweaters, wrote short stories in your spare time, was an avid vegetable gardener, or could recite 50 years worth of baseball statistics. Whatever hobby or interest made you who you are, consider including them in your obituary.
Lessons Learned
No matter our age, we have all accumulated some degree of wisdom. This is an opportunity to pass some of it down, even if only in common refrains. Life is short. Be yourself. You get what you give. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Say “I love you” often. Listen more than you talk. Always bring a bathing suit – all of these and more are bits of common wisdom that are worth remembering, so if one has meaning to you, include it.
Your Place in History
You don’t have to be famous to have been part of an important moment in history. Maybe you lived through the Great Depression, World War II, or the Holocaust. Maybe you were on the front lines of the Civil Rights Movement. Maybe you can remember a time when phones were attached to walls and calls cost a nickel, you saw Nirvana in concert, or saw humankind return to the Moon. If so, tell people about it.
Remember, these suggestions only scratch the surface. Your obituary is a blank page just waiting for you to fill it. If it feels true and right and representative of who you are, include it!
3. Finalizing Your Obituary
After you’ve written your obituary, have someone else read it over to catch any errors and make sure your thoughts are conveyed the way you’d like them to be.
Most importantly, be sure to let your family know 1) that you’ve written an obit, and 2) where to find it when the time comes that they need it. If you’ve done any funeral pre-planning, you may want to include your obituary with your funeral documents. Typically, the funeral home assists the family with publishing an obituary, so it would be helpful to have those papers all in one place. You can also request that they use a certain service to publish an obituary online.
Finally, be sure to include any specific instructions, such as names of newspapers you’d like the obit published in, with the obituary so that your family knows and can honor your wishes.
Examples of People Who Have Written Their Own Obituary
More and more, people are taking on this project, penning a few lines or a long tale when confronted with a final illness. For the reader, the self-written obituary gives a last glance at the real personality of the person who wrote it, helping us to remember a loved one in rich detail. And for the deceased, perhaps it was a much-needed chance to reflect on a life well-lived and remember the true highlights of the past decades. Here are a few of our favorite final words for your consideration.
Mildred DiMascola finally wrote her memoir
“The archives of my life have been stored in my brain waiting for someone to attach a printer to this age-old computer. First, I must push a few buttons to search out ancient memories before I can spew out the whole story. A virus could wipe out my program. I pray a severe storm does not damage my electrical source before my work is completed. It contains part of the heritage I wish to pass on to my children.” Read more
“I was an idiot who made the same stupid decision, day-after-day…”
Geoffrey Turner wrote his obituary to warn others about the dangers of smoking. “If you’re a smoker—quit—now—your life depends on it and those that you love depend upon your life.” Read more
“I, Robert Ray Parkinson, passed away”
Robert Parkinson, who died of cancer at 51, has some advice for those reading the direct and sometimes funny obituary he wrote: “Remember your body is a temple… If something is leaking (that should not be) then get it checked out!”
He closes by telling people why they should contribute money to his family instead of buying flowers: “My wishes are to not spend money on flowers (I loved them in the gardens or in the fields but have always thought they were a waste of money… they would just die, just like I did).” Read more
“I am in no way ready to leave”
Ann Boileau penned a beautiful obituary for herself before her death Oct. 1, 2018.
“Cancer was my undoing and it the most wicked of foes.”
After apologizing for letting down all of the well-wishers who supported and prayed for her, Boileau eloquently lets her loved ones know that she will always be with them:
“Having raged against the dying of the light, I will now tell you that I will never be dead as long as my friends and family are alive and kicking. If you should wake up with a song that just will not leave your thoughts, that will be me reminding you to sing. If you stub your big toe and cuss like a sailor, you will know that those words have flown from my mouth into yours. If you wake in the middle of the night with worries keeping you from sleep, remember my favorite saying, ‘The Morning is Wiser than the Evening’ and you will drift off to sweet dreams.” Read more
She always knew her worth and never gave up on her dream
Ruth Johnson shares the story of her early years in Jamaica, where she dreamed of becoming a doctor, and her life as an immigrant in the U.S. in her very personal and heartfelt obituary:
My father died when I was nine days old… Mom had several children and no father in the household to assist… My mother was a great believer in prayer and faith. She encouraged me not to become discouraged. She would tell me, “Better things are ahead. God will open ways where there seems to be no way.”
In the 1950s I came to the United States. The Civil Rights Movement was just beginning. I grieved tremendously the pain of Mamie Till, whose 14-year-old son, Emmett Till, was brutally killed for whistling at a white woman. America was a study in contrast at that time, being the land of opportunity for some and not for others. Read more
It’s not often we see an obituary written by a 5-year-old. Such a big personality in such a small package. We are laughing and our hearts are breaking at the same time as we read Garrett’s last words. Read more
“I told you this would happen”
Salt Lake City native Phil Thorpe’s humorous obituary begins with his birth April 1st (“probably marked the beginning of April Fools’ Day”), includes his many accomplishments (“will be published at a later date, if any are discovered”), and ends with funeral service information:
“In keeping with one of society’s morbid mores, there will be a wee wake Sunday evening for twenty minutes and for six minutes before the funeral the following day. The price of admission to each of these events is one can of food, for his wife to whom he left nearly nothing. Burial will be in his backyard beside the dog his wife would never let him have.”
To make sure that Thorpe gets full credit for the funny obit, his family includes this disclaimer at the end: “The above was composed by our beloved Philip in his classic self-deprecating, hilarious fashion.” Read more
“Yes, I wrote my own obituary in advance. No one who knows me is surprised.”
Beloved University of Georgia journalism professor Barry Hollander penned his own obit, noting “I never allowed my students to write their assignments in the first person, so it’s ironic that my very last piece of published writing is in, of all things, first person.” Read more
It’s probably not surprising that a journalist would pen his own obituary. And that’s exactly what editor Mark Mooney did, in a piece published on Medium.
“If you are reading this, that means that I am no longer here. The prostate cancer finished toying with me on October 6, 2017. I was 66 and glad to be done with the damn disease.”
Mooney loved being a reporter (“Journalist is kind of a lace curtain word for the job”) and wished he had done more:
“I would tell you that I wish I had done more work as a news reporter. Written better stories. Made more and better contacts. Skipped some of the easier pieces and done more in-depth stories. Spent more time on foreign stories. Been a better editor.” Read more
“I was born; I blinked; and now on to the next transformation”
Sheryl Poggi “never smoked, drank, or took a drug.” She “ate healthy,” but still she died from pancreatic cancer at 66, just four months after being diagnosed. Poggi takes charge of her obituary, sharing memories of her life and tributes to her family. She also urges readers to take charge of their own deaths.
“I started planning for my death while I was still healthy. I strongly recommend that everyone do that — plan on your own terms.” Read more
Garry LaFranco, the luckiest man in the world
“This obituary is for the luckiest man in the world.”
“Lucky to have had an unbelievably strong, loving, and forgiving mother who taught me much more than she ever realized…”
“Lucky to have married the most amazing woman I ever met, Terri. My life immeasurably changed the day I met her…”
“Lucky to have been a father to two amazing children. Amanda, my fiery little redhead, whose strength and determination have always far exceeded her physical stature… Alexander, who is too much like me when I was a young man, I look upon him with the prideful eyes of a father…”
“Lucky to have been touched by the grace of God…” Read more
“I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it”
Delaney Farrell died July 1, 2017, “after a long and hard battle with drug addiction.” In her obituary, her family gives a heartfelt tribute, painting a full picture of the 23-year-old who loved Oreos and books, making funny faces and writing. The obituary includes a gut-wrenching poem, written by Delaney, that details her life as a drug addict:
“I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe. I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. and I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it…” Read more
“In 6th grade I decided, like kids will, that I wanted to be a FBI agent. I wrote a letter to the local FBI agency asking what I needed to study to become an agent. I received a reply that thanked me for my interest, but only men could be agents. They would be happy to have me apply to be a secretary, clerk or work in the lab. If I had been interested in those jobs that is what I would have asked about!” Read more
Robin Hopper, “A Man of Clay and Glaze”
“FOR THOSE WHO MAY HAVE KNOWN ME, AND THOSE WHO REALLY DIDN’T, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF… Robin Hopper was a man of many parts, mostly worn out, rusty and dysfunctional, due to a lifetime of excesses! He started working with clay at the age of three and was still doing it over 70 years later.” Read the obituary
“Hi, my name is Ann Josephine Bianchi”
“My first job was working at an ice cream parlor and that is where I met the love of my life Louis. I would ride my brother’s bike to work. One day Louis stole my brother’s bike and said he would return it when I gave him my phone number. This was the beginning of our life long love story…” Read more
Words to live by: Mum’s final message at her own funeral
Michelle Corkin’s last message to her beloved community was to enjoy the simple things that she cherished during her idyllic upbringing. Read more
Is this the greatest newspaper obituary ever?
85-year-old Fargo, North Dakota, resident Douglas Legler wanted to go out with a laugh, and his wish was granted. While everyone else writes hagiographic biographies for their obituaries, listing every major accomplishment in detailed fashion, Legler insisted his eventual obit be as succinct as humanly possible. Read more
Or is this the best obit ever?
Sometimes, even in death, the best person to get the job done is yourself. We figure that’s what led Margaret (Marge) Aitken Holcombe to write her own obituary. Read more
“I met my demise on June 10, 2015 at Springfield Regional Hospital in the presence of my loving family. I was 64 years old. I must have died from heart failure or end-stage renal failure. Guess I could’ve died from pizza overdose.” Read more
Linda Morrison’s heartfelt obituary
“One of the few advantages of dying from Stage IV breast cancer is that you have time to write your own obituary. (The other advantages are no longer bothering with sunscreen and no longer worrying about your diabetes, cholesterol and weight).” Read more
An Obituary That Touches Everyone
Writing an obituary can be one of the most challenging tasks any of us undertake. How do you sum up a life in only a few short paragraphs? Should one focus on accomplishments? Family ties? Which memories should be recorded for posterity? It’s even more difficult when the obituary we’re writing is our own. Emily DeBrayda Phillips excelled at that challenge, composing her own send-off while in hospice care before losing her battle with pancreatic cancer. Read more
“I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint. And for my children to know ‘No Momma ever did and no Momma ever will…..'” Read more
This man wrote more than 30 letters for his wife and daughter
Writing your own obituary isn’t the only way to share your thoughts before you die. Young dad Mitchell Whisenhunt left dozens of letters for his wife and daughter to help them through their grief after his death. Read more
After cancer diagnosis, Charlotte Kitley chronicled her “Life As a Semi-Colon”
Following her death, a final post went up to her blog, “And so there must come an end,” composed by Kitley after her doctor told her she had only days to live. Read more
Lee D. Phillips: veteran, salesman, poet, genius
Lee Phillips was a veteran, a salesman and a bit of a wordsmith, as he proved with his rhyming obituary. Read more
John Telesphore Bart takes charge of his legacy
John Bart gives thanks for the awesome life he was able to lead, and the many date nights shared with his wife. Read more
A special gift to her children
“I didn’t get everything accomplished I wanted to, so I left it for the kids. The weeds, the garden, the leaky faucets and all my possessions I really did not need after all, and last, but not least, my love.” Read more
It’s never too late for a good joke
Retired military man Charles Palmer chronicles his own “triumphs and foibles,” and speculates that “Jack Daniels, 3 star Asian food, garlic pizza and good cigars” may have contributed to the “natural causes” that resulted in his death. Read more
Jack Ferguson, in his own words
He was proud of the life he built with his wife and their three children, eight grandchildren and nine great grandchildren. The great grandkids warranted three exclamation points, hinting at the pride Ferguson must have felt for his ever-growing family. Read more
Robert W. Powers shares his story
Blink and you’ll miss Robert W. Powers’ wry humor in this remarkable obituary written by the man himself. Read more
Kevin J. McGroarty wins his long fight with mediocracy
Kevin J. McGroarty died July 22, 2014, but his wit and wisdom live on in his amazing and hilarious obituary, written by the man himself. A lover of practical jokes, one has to wonder if this obituary was his last laugh or just his most recent. Read more
Paul D. Hill makes a few predictions
Paul D. Hill figured it was either his heart or Agent Orange that caused his demise, but either way he planned to go out “kicking and screaming.” Read more
Virginia McMullen gives heartfelt advice
McMullen “decided a long time ago to write my own obituary because they are usually written in a couple of different ways I just don’t care about.” She goes on to offer advice on everything from forgiveness (“Forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it”) to smoking (“quit”). Read more
Dr. Patrick Gilvary is “probably” dead
“If you are reading this obituary it means I am probably dead.” Read more
One man’s fantastically lucky existence
Robert Bonadonna does not mince words in his obituary. He tells his life story without pulling any punches, and the result is an amazing mixture of humor and heart that must be read to be believed. Read more
Retired salesman John Lathrop describes his struggle with ALS as a “no-holds-barred … cage match” against the disease, one that gave him the time to pen his own obituary. Read more
Louis Misko threw his own funeral
Don’t want to wait until your obit is published to have the last word? Take a page from Louis Misko’s book and host your own funeral. Read more
Actor James Rebhorn was known for his work as Carrie’s father on television series “Homeland” before his death from skin cancer. He wrote his own obituary, a beautiful goodbye to his family, friends, and fans. His life, recounted in his own words, is a thing of beauty. Read more
Nancy Heath reminds us how great it feels to choose laughter over tears. Read more
Shortly before his death in 2001, George Harrison wrote one last letter. Read more
“Walter George Bruhl Jr. … is a dead person”
Walter Bruhl of New Jersey and Delaware mixes wisdom and humor in his farewell. Read more
Tillman’s indomitable spirit shines through in this charming obituary. Read more
Very rarely is an obituary written in verse. Mingrone’s sweet goodbye is not only full of good advice, it also rhymes. Read more
Some joyful things, some stupid things, some exciting things, and miscellaneous stuff
College professor Jerry Flora delivers a Master’s Class on obituaries, and shares more than a few laughs. Read more
The late Val Patterson may have started a trendy new way to share one’s secrets. Patterson’s self-written obituary includes a paragraph of shocking (and, in some cases, shockingly funny) confessions. Read more
“I was given the gift of life, and now I have to give it back”
Jane Lotter knew her time was limited, so she penned a poignant farewell. Read more
“My name is Al and I was born with an incredible determination to compliment the challenging life ahead of me with cerebral palsy. Being equal parts of Polish and Korean- I was quite the ‘spice.'” Read more
“You may think that Sunday, September 22, 2013 marked the end for me huh? Wrong! My lineage will continue on through all those babies born to my family.” Read more
“I have had some close calls and a few unhealthy habits, so I am glad I have lasted as long as I have…” Read more
An uneventful, satisfying, illustrious, gratifying life
“Now that my flesh and heart have failed and my mortal life has ceased I look forward to a life of everlasting joy and peace…” Read more
Jane Ruth Rykerd tells her life story
“My life was very content and happy until August, 1930 when my mother passed away from appendicitis. My father had an insurance agency. He had an office in our big house and my mother took care of the details of his business. Well, when she died he was devastated.” Read more
Kaye Henderson writes her own perfect obituary
We’re often told, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” Kaye Henderson followed that advice… she wrote her own obituary, and she did it right. Read more
“A hopeless romantic and a hapless husband”
Ken Akers wrote his own obituary and gave it to a close friend for safekeeping before he “kicked the bucket” June 1, 2011, at his home in Charlotte, North Carolina. According to his very funny obit, Akers was raised Catholic but “excommunicated himself.” A self-described “hopeless romantic and a hapless husband,” Akers was married twice. “Neither marriage produced any children or any particularly fond memories.” Read more
Is It OK to Write My Own Obituary?
Writing your own life summary may strike you as unusual, but rest assured, it is perfectly normal to write your own obituary. Many people do it as part of their end-of-life planning, right alongside drafting a will and other essentials. It lets your survivors know how you want to be remembered, and it can also be a meaningful way to come to terms with the idea of dying, no matter how far in the future that may be. As you write, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your life, reminisce and recall favorite memories, and say goodbye to family and friends.
These do not have to be solemn, formal pieces of writing. It is okay to get personal in an obituary. Feel free to discuss the things you loved most, the people who are important to you, or even just your general thoughts about life. Be as personal as you are comfortable with and present yourself and your message as you see fit (with some caveats outlined below).
When you write your own obituary, you get the last word.
Your loved ones, meanwhile, get a lasting memorial that preserves your life story, details the family history, and showcases your unique personality.
Basic Dos and Dont's of Obituary Writing
There are many things you can include in your writeup, which we will examine below, though it’s also important to be aware of what you should NOT include in an obituary. A few tips to keep in mind in that regard are:
Set aside personal grievances. Obituaries are not the place to continue an argument, fight or grudge.
Leave politics at the door. You want to leave behind memories of you, not of the politics arguments of the day
Do not reveal family secrets. This will stain your memory and may do damage to those who survive you
Lists of people you appreciated. As nice as this sounds, you are bound to forget someone; hurt feelings will result
Keep in mind that your goal is both to ensure you are remembered in the way you wish, and for the world – especially your loved ones – to enjoy a “highlight reel” of your life.
Sound good? Then let’s begin writing your obit. We’ve put together this guide to help get you started. When you’re done, you can learn how to submit an obituary online.
1. Choose A Tone for Your Obituary
Your obituary is all about you, so it should reflect your personality and style. Whether you are serious or silly, verbose or plain-spoken, methodical or a free spirit, it’s not only okay to let your character shine through, it is encouraged.
Remember, you are the teller of your own story. That means you get to set the tone. Here are a few approaches you might take:
Humorous Obituaries don’t need to be solemn. If you’ve got a sense of humor, use it. A funny obit can showcase your unique perspective on life and provide a much-needed laugh for your grieving loved ones. If you are the kind of person who likes to lighten dark times with a joke, this might be the right approach for you.
Grateful
Do you want to ensure those you leave behind know the impact they had on your life? Then express your gratitude for those who helped you along the way with a heartfelt and sincere thank you to special friends, family members, teachers, doctors, nurses, or others who inspired you.
Encouraging and Inspirational
You can use your obit as a platform to inspire and encourage others. Talk about obstacles you overcame, times you failed but tried again, or your hopes for future generations. This is ideal for the kind of person who aspired to help others no matter what.
Educational
What is the use of hard-won wisdom if you’re not able to share it? You’ve learned a lot in your life. You can share your accumulated knowledge by offering lessons learned, tips for living well, or a detailed guide to making the best lemon icebox pie. If you taught others in life, this kind of obit will make your survivors feel right at home.
Biographical
Some people are natural storytellers, and many others have stories that are worth telling. Perhaps you’re one (or both) of them. Most of us do not publish our memoirs so writing your obituary may be your best chance to tell the story of your life from beginning to end.
All of the above There is no need to limit yourself! An obituary can be biographical, inspiring, and funny all at the same time. It’s okay to be personal in your obituary. It’s okay to be quirky. It’s okay to be you.
First- or third-person?
There is no right or wrong way to tell your story. Whether you say “I” or “she” when referring to yourself in your obituary is a personal choice.
For some, it makes sense to use the first-person “I” when talking about themselves: “I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint…”
Others find it easier (or funnier) to tell their life story in the third-person: “He served 3 missions for the LDS Church but they stopped sending him because he always came back…”
The key here is to take the approach you are most comfortable with. Once again, this is your chance to do this on your own terms. It’s okay to be you.
2. What to Include in Your Obituary
Now that you have decided on the right tone for your obituary, it’s time to decide what to include in it. The basics are obvious: who you were, where you lived, and your immediate family. Most obituaries include the following basic details about a person, though remember that many of these are purely optional and can be skipped at your discretion:
Your Name – Including first, last, middle, maiden, nickname, title
Dates of Birth and Death – You won’t know the latter, but someone else can fill it in later
List of Loved Ones – Spouses, romantic partners, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings are most common, though you can even include long-time friends, beloved pets, and others
Education and Career Highlights – Schools attended, degrees obtained, places of employment, awards or notable achievements
Military Service and Rank – Branch of military, wars served in, rank attained, special distinctions and awards
Memberships in Organizations – Any civic, fraternal, or religious organizations that were important to you
Hobbies or Special Interests – Places you’ve visited, sports you’ve played, activities you enjoy participating in, things you like to collect, favorite movies and books
Once these basics are covered, it’s time to flesh out the story of you with further details.
Who has brought joy to your life? What has given you a sense of fulfillment? Writing your own obituary allows you to emphasize the relationships, events, and activities that have meant the most to you. It’s also an opportunity to preserve your experiences and world-view for those left behind (and those yet to come).
Some things you might consider including:
Favorite People, Places, and Things
We can’t say exactly what you will discuss here because it will be unique to you. The grandmother who raised you, the teacher who inspired your love of learning, the best friend who was always there for you, the pet iguana who was your constant companion, the stuffed animal you carried around (even when you went off to college) – whoever and whatever helped define your life has a place here.
Unforgettable Moments
In many ways, a life is defined by a series of milestone moments. Think about what yours were and recount them in your obit. Family vacations, flat tires, rainy camping trips, your grandfather letting you drive the tractor, meeting your husband for the first time, moving to a new city or country, holding your daughter for the first time – whatever events help make you who you are, this is your time to bring them up.
Accomplishments
Fear not, discussing the major accomplishments of your life is not boasting. After all, many of these successes are what define your life. Graduating from high school, becoming the first in your family to go to college, finally finishing your manuscript, skydiving for the first (and last) time, or when you finally climbed the tree that your brother had shimmied up so easily – all of these are a part of a life well-lived, so consider including the ones that mean the most to you.
Hobbies and Interests
The things you do and love are a part of what defines you, and this includes your hobbies. Maybe you were an avid comic book collector. Maybe you loved covering Led Zeppelin songs on guitar. Maybe you could name every Doctor from Doctor Who. Maybe you knit amazing sweaters, wrote short stories in your spare time, was an avid vegetable gardener, or could recite 50 years worth of baseball statistics. Whatever hobby or interest made you who you are, consider including them in your obituary.
Lessons Learned
No matter our age, we have all accumulated some degree of wisdom. This is an opportunity to pass some of it down, even if only in common refrains. Life is short. Be yourself. You get what you give. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Say “I love you” often. Listen more than you talk. Always bring a bathing suit – all of these and more are bits of common wisdom that are worth remembering, so if one has meaning to you, include it.
Your Place in History
You don’t have to be famous to have been part of an important moment in history. Maybe you lived through the Great Depression, World War II, or the Holocaust. Maybe you were on the front lines of the Civil Rights Movement. Maybe you can remember a time when phones were attached to walls and calls cost a nickel, you saw Nirvana in concert, or saw humankind return to the Moon. If so, tell people about it.
Remember, these suggestions only scratch the surface. Your obituary is a blank page just waiting for you to fill it. If it feels true and right and representative of who you are, include it!
3. Finalizing Your Obituary
After you’ve written your obituary, have someone else read it over to catch any errors and make sure your thoughts are conveyed the way you’d like them to be.
Most importantly, be sure to let your family know 1) that you’ve written an obit, and 2) where to find it when the time comes that they need it. If you’ve done any funeral pre-planning, you may want to include your obituary with your funeral documents. Typically, the funeral home assists the family with publishing an obituary, so it would be helpful to have those papers all in one place. You can also request that they use a certain service to publish an obituary online.
Finally, be sure to include any specific instructions, such as names of newspapers you’d like the obit published in, with the obituary so that your family knows and can honor your wishes.
Examples of People Who Have Written Their Own Obituary
More and more, people are taking on this project, penning a few lines or a long tale when confronted with a final illness. For the reader, the self-written obituary gives a last glance at the real personality of the person who wrote it, helping us to remember a loved one in rich detail. And for the deceased, perhaps it was a much-needed chance to reflect on a life well-lived and remember the true highlights of the past decades. Here are a few of our favorite final words for your consideration.
Mildred DiMascola finally wrote her memoir
“The archives of my life have been stored in my brain waiting for someone to attach a printer to this age-old computer. First, I must push a few buttons to search out ancient memories before I can spew out the whole story. A virus could wipe out my program. I pray a severe storm does not damage my electrical source before my work is completed. It contains part of the heritage I wish to pass on to my children.” Read more
“I was an idiot who made the same stupid decision, day-after-day…”
Geoffrey Turner wrote his obituary to warn others about the dangers of smoking. “If you’re a smoker—quit—now—your life depends on it and those that you love depend upon your life.” Read more
“I, Robert Ray Parkinson, passed away”
Robert Parkinson, who died of cancer at 51, has some advice for those reading the direct and sometimes funny obituary he wrote: “Remember your body is a temple… If something is leaking (that should not be) then get it checked out!”
He closes by telling people why they should contribute money to his family instead of buying flowers: “My wishes are to not spend money on flowers (I loved them in the gardens or in the fields but have always thought they were a waste of money… they would just die, just like I did).” Read more
“I am in no way ready to leave”
Ann Boileau penned a beautiful obituary for herself before her death Oct. 1, 2018.
“Cancer was my undoing and it the most wicked of foes.”
After apologizing for letting down all of the well-wishers who supported and prayed for her, Boileau eloquently lets her loved ones know that she will always be with them:
“Having raged against the dying of the light, I will now tell you that I will never be dead as long as my friends and family are alive and kicking. If you should wake up with a song that just will not leave your thoughts, that will be me reminding you to sing. If you stub your big toe and cuss like a sailor, you will know that those words have flown from my mouth into yours. If you wake in the middle of the night with worries keeping you from sleep, remember my favorite saying, ‘The Morning is Wiser than the Evening’ and you will drift off to sweet dreams.” Read more
She always knew her worth and never gave up on her dream
Ruth Johnson shares the story of her early years in Jamaica, where she dreamed of becoming a doctor, and her life as an immigrant in the U.S. in her very personal and heartfelt obituary:
My father died when I was nine days old… Mom had several children and no father in the household to assist… My mother was a great believer in prayer and faith. She encouraged me not to become discouraged. She would tell me, “Better things are ahead. God will open ways where there seems to be no way.”
In the 1950s I came to the United States. The Civil Rights Movement was just beginning. I grieved tremendously the pain of Mamie Till, whose 14-year-old son, Emmett Till, was brutally killed for whistling at a white woman. America was a study in contrast at that time, being the land of opportunity for some and not for others. Read more
It’s not often we see an obituary written by a 5-year-old. Such a big personality in such a small package. We are laughing and our hearts are breaking at the same time as we read Garrett’s last words. Read more
“I told you this would happen”
Salt Lake City native Phil Thorpe’s humorous obituary begins with his birth April 1st (“probably marked the beginning of April Fools’ Day”), includes his many accomplishments (“will be published at a later date, if any are discovered”), and ends with funeral service information:
“In keeping with one of society’s morbid mores, there will be a wee wake Sunday evening for twenty minutes and for six minutes before the funeral the following day. The price of admission to each of these events is one can of food, for his wife to whom he left nearly nothing. Burial will be in his backyard beside the dog his wife would never let him have.”
To make sure that Thorpe gets full credit for the funny obit, his family includes this disclaimer at the end: “The above was composed by our beloved Philip in his classic self-deprecating, hilarious fashion.” Read more
“Yes, I wrote my own obituary in advance. No one who knows me is surprised.”
Beloved University of Georgia journalism professor Barry Hollander penned his own obit, noting “I never allowed my students to write their assignments in the first person, so it’s ironic that my very last piece of published writing is in, of all things, first person.” Read more
It’s probably not surprising that a journalist would pen his own obituary. And that’s exactly what editor Mark Mooney did, in a piece published on Medium.
“If you are reading this, that means that I am no longer here. The prostate cancer finished toying with me on October 6, 2017. I was 66 and glad to be done with the damn disease.”
Mooney loved being a reporter (“Journalist is kind of a lace curtain word for the job”) and wished he had done more:
“I would tell you that I wish I had done more work as a news reporter. Written better stories. Made more and better contacts. Skipped some of the easier pieces and done more in-depth stories. Spent more time on foreign stories. Been a better editor.” Read more
“I was born; I blinked; and now on to the next transformation”
Sheryl Poggi “never smoked, drank, or took a drug.” She “ate healthy,” but still she died from pancreatic cancer at 66, just four months after being diagnosed. Poggi takes charge of her obituary, sharing memories of her life and tributes to her family. She also urges readers to take charge of their own deaths.
“I started planning for my death while I was still healthy. I strongly recommend that everyone do that — plan on your own terms.” Read more
Garry LaFranco, the luckiest man in the world
“This obituary is for the luckiest man in the world.”
“Lucky to have had an unbelievably strong, loving, and forgiving mother who taught me much more than she ever realized…”
“Lucky to have married the most amazing woman I ever met, Terri. My life immeasurably changed the day I met her…”
“Lucky to have been a father to two amazing children. Amanda, my fiery little redhead, whose strength and determination have always far exceeded her physical stature… Alexander, who is too much like me when I was a young man, I look upon him with the prideful eyes of a father…”
“Lucky to have been touched by the grace of God…” Read more
“I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it”
Delaney Farrell died July 1, 2017, “after a long and hard battle with drug addiction.” In her obituary, her family gives a heartfelt tribute, painting a full picture of the 23-year-old who loved Oreos and books, making funny faces and writing. The obituary includes a gut-wrenching poem, written by Delaney, that details her life as a drug addict:
“I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe. I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. and I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it…” Read more
“In 6th grade I decided, like kids will, that I wanted to be a FBI agent. I wrote a letter to the local FBI agency asking what I needed to study to become an agent. I received a reply that thanked me for my interest, but only men could be agents. They would be happy to have me apply to be a secretary, clerk or work in the lab. If I had been interested in those jobs that is what I would have asked about!” Read more
Robin Hopper, “A Man of Clay and Glaze”
“FOR THOSE WHO MAY HAVE KNOWN ME, AND THOSE WHO REALLY DIDN’T, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF… Robin Hopper was a man of many parts, mostly worn out, rusty and dysfunctional, due to a lifetime of excesses! He started working with clay at the age of three and was still doing it over 70 years later.” Read the obituary
“Hi, my name is Ann Josephine Bianchi”
“My first job was working at an ice cream parlor and that is where I met the love of my life Louis. I would ride my brother’s bike to work. One day Louis stole my brother’s bike and said he would return it when I gave him my phone number. This was the beginning of our life long love story…” Read more
Words to live by: Mum’s final message at her own funeral
Michelle Corkin’s last message to her beloved community was to enjoy the simple things that she cherished during her idyllic upbringing. Read more
Is this the greatest newspaper obituary ever?
85-year-old Fargo, North Dakota, resident Douglas Legler wanted to go out with a laugh, and his wish was granted. While everyone else writes hagiographic biographies for their obituaries, listing every major accomplishment in detailed fashion, Legler insisted his eventual obit be as succinct as humanly possible. Read more
Or is this the best obit ever?
Sometimes, even in death, the best person to get the job done is yourself. We figure that’s what led Margaret (Marge) Aitken Holcombe to write her own obituary. Read more
“I met my demise on June 10, 2015 at Springfield Regional Hospital in the presence of my loving family. I was 64 years old. I must have died from heart failure or end-stage renal failure. Guess I could’ve died from pizza overdose.” Read more
Linda Morrison’s heartfelt obituary
“One of the few advantages of dying from Stage IV breast cancer is that you have time to write your own obituary. (The other advantages are no longer bothering with sunscreen and no longer worrying about your diabetes, cholesterol and weight).” Read more
An Obituary That Touches Everyone
Writing an obituary can be one of the most challenging tasks any of us undertake. How do you sum up a life in only a few short paragraphs? Should one focus on accomplishments? Family ties? Which memories should be recorded for posterity? It’s even more difficult when the obituary we’re writing is our own. Emily DeBrayda Phillips excelled at that challenge, composing her own send-off while in hospice care before losing her battle with pancreatic cancer. Read more
“I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint. And for my children to know ‘No Momma ever did and no Momma ever will…..'” Read more
This man wrote more than 30 letters for his wife and daughter
Writing your own obituary isn’t the only way to share your thoughts before you die. Young dad Mitchell Whisenhunt left dozens of letters for his wife and daughter to help them through their grief after his death. Read more
After cancer diagnosis, Charlotte Kitley chronicled her “Life As a Semi-Colon”
Following her death, a final post went up to her blog, “And so there must come an end,” composed by Kitley after her doctor told her she had only days to live. Read more
Lee D. Phillips: veteran, salesman, poet, genius
Lee Phillips was a veteran, a salesman and a bit of a wordsmith, as he proved with his rhyming obituary. Read more
John Telesphore Bart takes charge of his legacy
John Bart gives thanks for the awesome life he was able to lead, and the many date nights shared with his wife. Read more
A special gift to her children
“I didn’t get everything accomplished I wanted to, so I left it for the kids. The weeds, the garden, the leaky faucets and all my possessions I really did not need after all, and last, but not least, my love.” Read more
It’s never too late for a good joke
Retired military man Charles Palmer chronicles his own “triumphs and foibles,” and speculates that “Jack Daniels, 3 star Asian food, garlic pizza and good cigars” may have contributed to the “natural causes” that resulted in his death. Read more
Jack Ferguson, in his own words
He was proud of the life he built with his wife and their three children, eight grandchildren and nine great grandchildren. The great grandkids warranted three exclamation points, hinting at the pride Ferguson must have felt for his ever-growing family. Read more
Robert W. Powers shares his story
Blink and you’ll miss Robert W. Powers’ wry humor in this remarkable obituary written by the man himself. Read more
Kevin J. McGroarty wins his long fight with mediocracy
Kevin J. McGroarty died July 22, 2014, but his wit and wisdom live on in his amazing and hilarious obituary, written by the man himself. A lover of practical jokes, one has to wonder if this obituary was his last laugh or just his most recent. Read more
Paul D. Hill makes a few predictions
Paul D. Hill figured it was either his heart or Agent Orange that caused his demise, but either way he planned to go out “kicking and screaming.” Read more
Virginia McMullen gives heartfelt advice
McMullen “decided a long time ago to write my own obituary because they are usually written in a couple of different ways I just don’t care about.” She goes on to offer advice on everything from forgiveness (“Forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it”) to smoking (“quit”). Read more
Dr. Patrick Gilvary is “probably” dead
“If you are reading this obituary it means I am probably dead.” Read more
One man’s fantastically lucky existence
Robert Bonadonna does not mince words in his obituary. He tells his life story without pulling any punches, and the result is an amazing mixture of humor and heart that must be read to be believed. Read more
Retired salesman John Lathrop describes his struggle with ALS as a “no-holds-barred … cage match” against the disease, one that gave him the time to pen his own obituary. Read more
Louis Misko threw his own funeral
Don’t want to wait until your obit is published to have the last word? Take a page from Louis Misko’s book and host your own funeral. Read more
Actor James Rebhorn was known for his work as Carrie’s father on television series “Homeland” before his death from skin cancer. He wrote his own obituary, a beautiful goodbye to his family, friends, and fans. His life, recounted in his own words, is a thing of beauty. Read more
Nancy Heath reminds us how great it feels to choose laughter over tears. Read more
Shortly before his death in 2001, George Harrison wrote one last letter. Read more
“Walter George Bruhl Jr. … is a dead person”
Walter Bruhl of New Jersey and Delaware mixes wisdom and humor in his farewell. Read more
Tillman’s indomitable spirit shines through in this charming obituary. Read more
Very rarely is an obituary written in verse. Mingrone’s sweet goodbye is not only full of good advice, it also rhymes. Read more
Some joyful things, some stupid things, some exciting things, and miscellaneous stuff
College professor Jerry Flora delivers a Master’s Class on obituaries, and shares more than a few laughs. Read more
The late Val Patterson may have started a trendy new way to share one’s secrets. Patterson’s self-written obituary includes a paragraph of shocking (and, in some cases, shockingly funny) confessions. Read more
“I was given the gift of life, and now I have to give it back”
Jane Lotter knew her time was limited, so she penned a poignant farewell. Read more
“My name is Al and I was born with an incredible determination to compliment the challenging life ahead of me with cerebral palsy. Being equal parts of Polish and Korean- I was quite the ‘spice.'” Read more
“You may think that Sunday, September 22, 2013 marked the end for me huh? Wrong! My lineage will continue on through all those babies born to my family.” Read more
“I have had some close calls and a few unhealthy habits, so I am glad I have lasted as long as I have…” Read more
An uneventful, satisfying, illustrious, gratifying life
“Now that my flesh and heart have failed and my mortal life has ceased I look forward to a life of everlasting joy and peace…” Read more
Jane Ruth Rykerd tells her life story
“My life was very content and happy until August, 1930 when my mother passed away from appendicitis. My father had an insurance agency. He had an office in our big house and my mother took care of the details of his business. Well, when she died he was devastated.” Read more
Kaye Henderson writes her own perfect obituary
We’re often told, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” Kaye Henderson followed that advice… she wrote her own obituary, and she did it right. Read more
“A hopeless romantic and a hapless husband”
Ken Akers wrote his own obituary and gave it to a close friend for safekeeping before he “kicked the bucket” June 1, 2011, at his home in Charlotte, North Carolina. According to his very funny obit, Akers was raised Catholic but “excommunicated himself.” A self-described “hopeless romantic and a hapless husband,” Akers was married twice. “Neither marriage produced any children or any particularly fond memories.” Read more
Is It OK to Write My Own Obituary?
Writing your own life summary may strike you as unusual, but rest assured, it is perfectly normal to write your own obituary. Many people do it as part of their end-of-life planning, right alongside drafting a will and other essentials. It lets your survivors know how you want to be remembered, and it can also be a meaningful way to come to terms with the idea of dying, no matter how far in the future that may be. As you write, you’ll have the opportunity to reflect on your life, reminisce and recall favorite memories, and say goodbye to family and friends.
These do not have to be solemn, formal pieces of writing. It is okay to get personal in an obituary. Feel free to discuss the things you loved most, the people who are important to you, or even just your general thoughts about life. Be as personal as you are comfortable with and present yourself and your message as you see fit (with some caveats outlined below).
When you write your own obituary, you get the last word.
Your loved ones, meanwhile, get a lasting memorial that preserves your life story, details the family history, and showcases your unique personality.
Basic Dos and Dont's of Obituary Writing
There are many things you can include in your writeup, which we will examine below, though it’s also important to be aware of what you should NOT include in an obituary. A few tips to keep in mind in that regard are:
Set aside personal grievances. Obituaries are not the place to continue an argument, fight or grudge.
Leave politics at the door. You want to leave behind memories of you, not of the politics arguments of the day
Do not reveal family secrets. This will stain your memory and may do damage to those who survive you
Lists of people you appreciated. As nice as this sounds, you are bound to forget someone; hurt feelings will result
Keep in mind that your goal is both to ensure you are remembered in the way you wish, and for the world – especially your loved ones – to enjoy a “highlight reel” of your life.
Sound good? Then let’s begin writing your obit. We’ve put together this guide to help get you started. When you’re done, you can learn how to submit an obituary online.
1. Choose A Tone for Your Obituary
Your obituary is all about you, so it should reflect your personality and style. Whether you are serious or silly, verbose or plain-spoken, methodical or a free spirit, it’s not only okay to let your character shine through, it is encouraged.
Remember, you are the teller of your own story. That means you get to set the tone. Here are a few approaches you might take:
Humorous Obituaries don’t need to be solemn. If you’ve got a sense of humor, use it. A funny obit can showcase your unique perspective on life and provide a much-needed laugh for your grieving loved ones. If you are the kind of person who likes to lighten dark times with a joke, this might be the right approach for you.
Grateful
Do you want to ensure those you leave behind know the impact they had on your life? Then express your gratitude for those who helped you along the way with a heartfelt and sincere thank you to special friends, family members, teachers, doctors, nurses, or others who inspired you.
Encouraging and Inspirational
You can use your obit as a platform to inspire and encourage others. Talk about obstacles you overcame, times you failed but tried again, or your hopes for future generations. This is ideal for the kind of person who aspired to help others no matter what.
Educational
What is the use of hard-won wisdom if you’re not able to share it? You’ve learned a lot in your life. You can share your accumulated knowledge by offering lessons learned, tips for living well, or a detailed guide to making the best lemon icebox pie. If you taught others in life, this kind of obit will make your survivors feel right at home.
Biographical
Some people are natural storytellers, and many others have stories that are worth telling. Perhaps you’re one (or both) of them. Most of us do not publish our memoirs so writing your obituary may be your best chance to tell the story of your life from beginning to end.
All of the above There is no need to limit yourself! An obituary can be biographical, inspiring, and funny all at the same time. It’s okay to be personal in your obituary. It’s okay to be quirky. It’s okay to be you.
First- or third-person?
There is no right or wrong way to tell your story. Whether you say “I” or “she” when referring to yourself in your obituary is a personal choice.
For some, it makes sense to use the first-person “I” when talking about themselves: “I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint…”
Others find it easier (or funnier) to tell their life story in the third-person: “He served 3 missions for the LDS Church but they stopped sending him because he always came back…”
The key here is to take the approach you are most comfortable with. Once again, this is your chance to do this on your own terms. It’s okay to be you.
2. What to Include in Your Obituary
Now that you have decided on the right tone for your obituary, it’s time to decide what to include in it. The basics are obvious: who you were, where you lived, and your immediate family. Most obituaries include the following basic details about a person, though remember that many of these are purely optional and can be skipped at your discretion:
Your Name – Including first, last, middle, maiden, nickname, title
Dates of Birth and Death – You won’t know the latter, but someone else can fill it in later
List of Loved Ones – Spouses, romantic partners, children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings are most common, though you can even include long-time friends, beloved pets, and others
Education and Career Highlights – Schools attended, degrees obtained, places of employment, awards or notable achievements
Military Service and Rank – Branch of military, wars served in, rank attained, special distinctions and awards
Memberships in Organizations – Any civic, fraternal, or religious organizations that were important to you
Hobbies or Special Interests – Places you’ve visited, sports you’ve played, activities you enjoy participating in, things you like to collect, favorite movies and books
Once these basics are covered, it’s time to flesh out the story of you with further details.
Who has brought joy to your life? What has given you a sense of fulfillment? Writing your own obituary allows you to emphasize the relationships, events, and activities that have meant the most to you. It’s also an opportunity to preserve your experiences and world-view for those left behind (and those yet to come).
Some things you might consider including:
Favorite People, Places, and Things
We can’t say exactly what you will discuss here because it will be unique to you. The grandmother who raised you, the teacher who inspired your love of learning, the best friend who was always there for you, the pet iguana who was your constant companion, the stuffed animal you carried around (even when you went off to college) – whoever and whatever helped define your life has a place here.
Unforgettable Moments
In many ways, a life is defined by a series of milestone moments. Think about what yours were and recount them in your obit. Family vacations, flat tires, rainy camping trips, your grandfather letting you drive the tractor, meeting your husband for the first time, moving to a new city or country, holding your daughter for the first time – whatever events help make you who you are, this is your time to bring them up.
Accomplishments
Fear not, discussing the major accomplishments of your life is not boasting. After all, many of these successes are what define your life. Graduating from high school, becoming the first in your family to go to college, finally finishing your manuscript, skydiving for the first (and last) time, or when you finally climbed the tree that your brother had shimmied up so easily – all of these are a part of a life well-lived, so consider including the ones that mean the most to you.
Hobbies and Interests
The things you do and love are a part of what defines you, and this includes your hobbies. Maybe you were an avid comic book collector. Maybe you loved covering Led Zeppelin songs on guitar. Maybe you could name every Doctor from Doctor Who. Maybe you knit amazing sweaters, wrote short stories in your spare time, was an avid vegetable gardener, or could recite 50 years worth of baseball statistics. Whatever hobby or interest made you who you are, consider including them in your obituary.
Lessons Learned
No matter our age, we have all accumulated some degree of wisdom. This is an opportunity to pass some of it down, even if only in common refrains. Life is short. Be yourself. You get what you give. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Say “I love you” often. Listen more than you talk. Always bring a bathing suit – all of these and more are bits of common wisdom that are worth remembering, so if one has meaning to you, include it.
Your Place in History
You don’t have to be famous to have been part of an important moment in history. Maybe you lived through the Great Depression, World War II, or the Holocaust. Maybe you were on the front lines of the Civil Rights Movement. Maybe you can remember a time when phones were attached to walls and calls cost a nickel, you saw Nirvana in concert, or saw humankind return to the Moon. If so, tell people about it.
Remember, these suggestions only scratch the surface. Your obituary is a blank page just waiting for you to fill it. If it feels true and right and representative of who you are, include it!
3. Finalizing Your Obituary
After you’ve written your obituary, have someone else read it over to catch any errors and make sure your thoughts are conveyed the way you’d like them to be.
Most importantly, be sure to let your family know 1) that you’ve written an obit, and 2) where to find it when the time comes that they need it. If you’ve done any funeral pre-planning, you may want to include your obituary with your funeral documents. Typically, the funeral home assists the family with publishing an obituary, so it would be helpful to have those papers all in one place. You can also request that they use a certain service to publish an obituary online.
Finally, be sure to include any specific instructions, such as names of newspapers you’d like the obit published in, with the obituary so that your family knows and can honor your wishes.
Examples of People Who Have Written Their Own Obituary
More and more, people are taking on this project, penning a few lines or a long tale when confronted with a final illness. For the reader, the self-written obituary gives a last glance at the real personality of the person who wrote it, helping us to remember a loved one in rich detail. And for the deceased, perhaps it was a much-needed chance to reflect on a life well-lived and remember the true highlights of the past decades. Here are a few of our favorite final words for your consideration.
Mildred DiMascola finally wrote her memoir
“The archives of my life have been stored in my brain waiting for someone to attach a printer to this age-old computer. First, I must push a few buttons to search out ancient memories before I can spew out the whole story. A virus could wipe out my program. I pray a severe storm does not damage my electrical source before my work is completed. It contains part of the heritage I wish to pass on to my children.” Read more
“I was an idiot who made the same stupid decision, day-after-day…”
Geoffrey Turner wrote his obituary to warn others about the dangers of smoking. “If you’re a smoker—quit—now—your life depends on it and those that you love depend upon your life.” Read more
“I, Robert Ray Parkinson, passed away”
Robert Parkinson, who died of cancer at 51, has some advice for those reading the direct and sometimes funny obituary he wrote: “Remember your body is a temple… If something is leaking (that should not be) then get it checked out!”
He closes by telling people why they should contribute money to his family instead of buying flowers: “My wishes are to not spend money on flowers (I loved them in the gardens or in the fields but have always thought they were a waste of money… they would just die, just like I did).” Read more
“I am in no way ready to leave”
Ann Boileau penned a beautiful obituary for herself before her death Oct. 1, 2018.
“Cancer was my undoing and it the most wicked of foes.”
After apologizing for letting down all of the well-wishers who supported and prayed for her, Boileau eloquently lets her loved ones know that she will always be with them:
“Having raged against the dying of the light, I will now tell you that I will never be dead as long as my friends and family are alive and kicking. If you should wake up with a song that just will not leave your thoughts, that will be me reminding you to sing. If you stub your big toe and cuss like a sailor, you will know that those words have flown from my mouth into yours. If you wake in the middle of the night with worries keeping you from sleep, remember my favorite saying, ‘The Morning is Wiser than the Evening’ and you will drift off to sweet dreams.” Read more
She always knew her worth and never gave up on her dream
Ruth Johnson shares the story of her early years in Jamaica, where she dreamed of becoming a doctor, and her life as an immigrant in the U.S. in her very personal and heartfelt obituary:
My father died when I was nine days old… Mom had several children and no father in the household to assist… My mother was a great believer in prayer and faith. She encouraged me not to become discouraged. She would tell me, “Better things are ahead. God will open ways where there seems to be no way.”
In the 1950s I came to the United States. The Civil Rights Movement was just beginning. I grieved tremendously the pain of Mamie Till, whose 14-year-old son, Emmett Till, was brutally killed for whistling at a white woman. America was a study in contrast at that time, being the land of opportunity for some and not for others. Read more
It’s not often we see an obituary written by a 5-year-old. Such a big personality in such a small package. We are laughing and our hearts are breaking at the same time as we read Garrett’s last words. Read more
“I told you this would happen”
Salt Lake City native Phil Thorpe’s humorous obituary begins with his birth April 1st (“probably marked the beginning of April Fools’ Day”), includes his many accomplishments (“will be published at a later date, if any are discovered”), and ends with funeral service information:
“In keeping with one of society’s morbid mores, there will be a wee wake Sunday evening for twenty minutes and for six minutes before the funeral the following day. The price of admission to each of these events is one can of food, for his wife to whom he left nearly nothing. Burial will be in his backyard beside the dog his wife would never let him have.”
To make sure that Thorpe gets full credit for the funny obit, his family includes this disclaimer at the end: “The above was composed by our beloved Philip in his classic self-deprecating, hilarious fashion.” Read more
“Yes, I wrote my own obituary in advance. No one who knows me is surprised.”
Beloved University of Georgia journalism professor Barry Hollander penned his own obit, noting “I never allowed my students to write their assignments in the first person, so it’s ironic that my very last piece of published writing is in, of all things, first person.” Read more
It’s probably not surprising that a journalist would pen his own obituary. And that’s exactly what editor Mark Mooney did, in a piece published on Medium.
“If you are reading this, that means that I am no longer here. The prostate cancer finished toying with me on October 6, 2017. I was 66 and glad to be done with the damn disease.”
Mooney loved being a reporter (“Journalist is kind of a lace curtain word for the job”) and wished he had done more:
“I would tell you that I wish I had done more work as a news reporter. Written better stories. Made more and better contacts. Skipped some of the easier pieces and done more in-depth stories. Spent more time on foreign stories. Been a better editor.” Read more
“I was born; I blinked; and now on to the next transformation”
Sheryl Poggi “never smoked, drank, or took a drug.” She “ate healthy,” but still she died from pancreatic cancer at 66, just four months after being diagnosed. Poggi takes charge of her obituary, sharing memories of her life and tributes to her family. She also urges readers to take charge of their own deaths.
“I started planning for my death while I was still healthy. I strongly recommend that everyone do that — plan on your own terms.” Read more
Garry LaFranco, the luckiest man in the world
“This obituary is for the luckiest man in the world.”
“Lucky to have had an unbelievably strong, loving, and forgiving mother who taught me much more than she ever realized…”
“Lucky to have married the most amazing woman I ever met, Terri. My life immeasurably changed the day I met her…”
“Lucky to have been a father to two amazing children. Amanda, my fiery little redhead, whose strength and determination have always far exceeded her physical stature… Alexander, who is too much like me when I was a young man, I look upon him with the prideful eyes of a father…”
“Lucky to have been touched by the grace of God…” Read more
“I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it”
Delaney Farrell died July 1, 2017, “after a long and hard battle with drug addiction.” In her obituary, her family gives a heartfelt tribute, painting a full picture of the 23-year-old who loved Oreos and books, making funny faces and writing. The obituary includes a gut-wrenching poem, written by Delaney, that details her life as a drug addict:
“I remember blaming myself when my mom decided to leave. I remember the guilt I felt in my chest making it hard to breathe. I remember caring so much but not knowing how to show it. and I know to this day that she probably don’t even know it…” Read more
“In 6th grade I decided, like kids will, that I wanted to be a FBI agent. I wrote a letter to the local FBI agency asking what I needed to study to become an agent. I received a reply that thanked me for my interest, but only men could be agents. They would be happy to have me apply to be a secretary, clerk or work in the lab. If I had been interested in those jobs that is what I would have asked about!” Read more
Robin Hopper, “A Man of Clay and Glaze”
“FOR THOSE WHO MAY HAVE KNOWN ME, AND THOSE WHO REALLY DIDN’T, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF… Robin Hopper was a man of many parts, mostly worn out, rusty and dysfunctional, due to a lifetime of excesses! He started working with clay at the age of three and was still doing it over 70 years later.” Read the obituary
“Hi, my name is Ann Josephine Bianchi”
“My first job was working at an ice cream parlor and that is where I met the love of my life Louis. I would ride my brother’s bike to work. One day Louis stole my brother’s bike and said he would return it when I gave him my phone number. This was the beginning of our life long love story…” Read more
Words to live by: Mum’s final message at her own funeral
Michelle Corkin’s last message to her beloved community was to enjoy the simple things that she cherished during her idyllic upbringing. Read more
Is this the greatest newspaper obituary ever?
85-year-old Fargo, North Dakota, resident Douglas Legler wanted to go out with a laugh, and his wish was granted. While everyone else writes hagiographic biographies for their obituaries, listing every major accomplishment in detailed fashion, Legler insisted his eventual obit be as succinct as humanly possible. Read more
Or is this the best obit ever?
Sometimes, even in death, the best person to get the job done is yourself. We figure that’s what led Margaret (Marge) Aitken Holcombe to write her own obituary. Read more
“I met my demise on June 10, 2015 at Springfield Regional Hospital in the presence of my loving family. I was 64 years old. I must have died from heart failure or end-stage renal failure. Guess I could’ve died from pizza overdose.” Read more
Linda Morrison’s heartfelt obituary
“One of the few advantages of dying from Stage IV breast cancer is that you have time to write your own obituary. (The other advantages are no longer bothering with sunscreen and no longer worrying about your diabetes, cholesterol and weight).” Read more
An Obituary That Touches Everyone
Writing an obituary can be one of the most challenging tasks any of us undertake. How do you sum up a life in only a few short paragraphs? Should one focus on accomplishments? Family ties? Which memories should be recorded for posterity? It’s even more difficult when the obituary we’re writing is our own. Emily DeBrayda Phillips excelled at that challenge, composing her own send-off while in hospice care before losing her battle with pancreatic cancer. Read more
“I hope to be remembered, with laughter, love and a good pint. And for my children to know ‘No Momma ever did and no Momma ever will…..'” Read more
This man wrote more than 30 letters for his wife and daughter
Writing your own obituary isn’t the only way to share your thoughts before you die. Young dad Mitchell Whisenhunt left dozens of letters for his wife and daughter to help them through their grief after his death. Read more
After cancer diagnosis, Charlotte Kitley chronicled her “Life As a Semi-Colon”
Following her death, a final post went up to her blog, “And so there must come an end,” composed by Kitley after her doctor told her she had only days to live. Read more
Lee D. Phillips: veteran, salesman, poet, genius
Lee Phillips was a veteran, a salesman and a bit of a wordsmith, as he proved with his rhyming obituary. Read more
John Telesphore Bart takes charge of his legacy
John Bart gives thanks for the awesome life he was able to lead, and the many date nights shared with his wife. Read more
A special gift to her children
“I didn’t get everything accomplished I wanted to, so I left it for the kids. The weeds, the garden, the leaky faucets and all my possessions I really did not need after all, and last, but not least, my love.” Read more
It’s never too late for a good joke
Retired military man Charles Palmer chronicles his own “triumphs and foibles,” and speculates that “Jack Daniels, 3 star Asian food, garlic pizza and good cigars” may have contributed to the “natural causes” that resulted in his death. Read more
Jack Ferguson, in his own words
He was proud of the life he built with his wife and their three children, eight grandchildren and nine great grandchildren. The great grandkids warranted three exclamation points, hinting at the pride Ferguson must have felt for his ever-growing family. Read more
Robert W. Powers shares his story
Blink and you’ll miss Robert W. Powers’ wry humor in this remarkable obituary written by the man himself. Read more
Kevin J. McGroarty wins his long fight with mediocracy
Kevin J. McGroarty died July 22, 2014, but his wit and wisdom live on in his amazing and hilarious obituary, written by the man himself. A lover of practical jokes, one has to wonder if this obituary was his last laugh or just his most recent. Read more
Paul D. Hill makes a few predictions
Paul D. Hill figured it was either his heart or Agent Orange that caused his demise, but either way he planned to go out “kicking and screaming.” Read more
Virginia McMullen gives heartfelt advice
McMullen “decided a long time ago to write my own obituary because they are usually written in a couple of different ways I just don’t care about.” She goes on to offer advice on everything from forgiveness (“Forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it”) to smoking (“quit”). Read more
Dr. Patrick Gilvary is “probably” dead
“If you are reading this obituary it means I am probably dead.” Read more
One man’s fantastically lucky existence
Robert Bonadonna does not mince words in his obituary. He tells his life story without pulling any punches, and the result is an amazing mixture of humor and heart that must be read to be believed. Read more
Retired salesman John Lathrop describes his struggle with ALS as a “no-holds-barred … cage match” against the disease, one that gave him the time to pen his own obituary. Read more
Louis Misko threw his own funeral
Don’t want to wait until your obit is published to have the last word? Take a page from Louis Misko’s book and host your own funeral. Read more
Actor James Rebhorn was known for his work as Carrie’s father on television series “Homeland” before his death from skin cancer. He wrote his own obituary, a beautiful goodbye to his family, friends, and fans. His life, recounted in his own words, is a thing of beauty. Read more
Nancy Heath reminds us how great it feels to choose laughter over tears. Read more
Shortly before his death in 2001, George Harrison wrote one last letter. Read more
“Walter George Bruhl Jr. … is a dead person”
Walter Bruhl of New Jersey and Delaware mixes wisdom and humor in his farewell. Read more
Tillman’s indomitable spirit shines through in this charming obituary. Read more
Very rarely is an obituary written in verse. Mingrone’s sweet goodbye is not only full of good advice, it also rhymes. Read more
Some joyful things, some stupid things, some exciting things, and miscellaneous stuff
College professor Jerry Flora delivers a Master’s Class on obituaries, and shares more than a few laughs. Read more
The late Val Patterson may have started a trendy new way to share one’s secrets. Patterson’s self-written obituary includes a paragraph of shocking (and, in some cases, shockingly funny) confessions. Read more
“I was given the gift of life, and now I have to give it back”
Jane Lotter knew her time was limited, so she penned a poignant farewell. Read more
“My name is Al and I was born with an incredible determination to compliment the challenging life ahead of me with cerebral palsy. Being equal parts of Polish and Korean- I was quite the ‘spice.'” Read more
“You may think that Sunday, September 22, 2013 marked the end for me huh? Wrong! My lineage will continue on through all those babies born to my family.” Read more
“I have had some close calls and a few unhealthy habits, so I am glad I have lasted as long as I have…” Read more
An uneventful, satisfying, illustrious, gratifying life
“Now that my flesh and heart have failed and my mortal life has ceased I look forward to a life of everlasting joy and peace…” Read more
Jane Ruth Rykerd tells her life story
“My life was very content and happy until August, 1930 when my mother passed away from appendicitis. My father had an insurance agency. He had an office in our big house and my mother took care of the details of his business. Well, when she died he was devastated.” Read more
Kaye Henderson writes her own perfect obituary
We’re often told, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” Kaye Henderson followed that advice… she wrote her own obituary, and she did it right. Read more
“A hopeless romantic and a hapless husband”
Ken Akers wrote his own obituary and gave it to a close friend for safekeeping before he “kicked the bucket” June 1, 2011, at his home in Charlotte, North Carolina. According to his very funny obit, Akers was raised Catholic but “excommunicated himself.” A self-described “hopeless romantic and a hapless husband,” Akers was married twice. “Neither marriage produced any children or any particularly fond memories.” Read more
"ObitWriter": The All-Purpose Interactive Obituary Writing Tool
If you want an even simpler way to create an obituary, it’s fast, easy, and free to use Legacy’s ObitWriter® tool. All you have to do is answer some basic questions about your loved one’s life, and in just a few minutes, ObitWriter will take your responses and turn them into a well-written draft of a thoughtful, respectful obituary.
Ready to get started?
Ready to get started?
Our ObitWriter® Template can help you create an obituary in minutes.
Our ObitWriter® Template can help you create an obituary in minutes.
Ready to get started?
Our ObitWriter® Template can help you create an obituary in minutes.
