Ray Kilby

Black Mountain - Ray Kilby, 68, of Black Mountain passed away Friday, January 12, 2018.

Ray was born October 9, 1949 in Buncombe County where he lived most of his life. He was a veteran of the US Navy and loved spending time with his family. He was a loving Pop-Pop, father, son, and brother. Ray recently received his Black Belt in martial arts with Asheville Aikikai/Aikido.

Ray is preceded in death by his father, Louie Kilby.

He is survived by his daughters, Kelly Kilby and Ashley Carr; mother, Juanita Penland Kilby; brothers, Michael and Kenneth Kilby; and grandchildren, Odin, Raleigh-Rae, Aela, Irie, and Anna-James.

A Celebration of Life Service will be held Wednesday, January 17, 2018 at 6:00pm in the chapel of Harwood Home for Funerals.

A gathering of family and friends will take place immediately following the service.

Burial will be in the Western Carolina State Veterans Cemetery.

Arrangements by Harwood Home for Funerals.

www.harwoodhomeforfunerals.com

To plant trees in memory, please visit the Sympathy Store.

Published by Asheville Citizen-Times on Jan. 15, 2018.

Memories and Condolences
for Ray Kilby

Sponsored by Harwood Home for Funerals and Cremation Services.

13 Entries

March 15, 2018

Your spirit endurs

Liz McCarty

March 15, 2018

Ray, you were and always will be a part of my heart. Safe journey

Lucy Bickers

February 3, 2018

Ray was kind and generous, listening to me after my husband died, talking about his daughter going into the mental health field, sharing with me about his life. And all of this while sharpening my knives! It's silly considering how rarely I saw him, but I will miss him. I mean, who's going to sharpen my knives now? (He also had a sense of humor that would appreciate that.)

Luc Josts

January 19, 2018

I met Ray almost 3 years ago at Asheville Aikikai. He worked with me on the mat, taught me a few tricks and takedowns; had a marital prowess that I, (as a fellow martial artist) came to appreciate. But this wasn't the foundation of our friendshipor of our dojo's love for this human being. In fact, to be honest, what made Ray great wasn't his Aikido, at allit was much deeper than that: it was his characterit was his sense of virtue and goodness to others that Iand (I know) all of us at the dojowill truly miss.

Ray would give me rides to and from the dojo which, oddly enough, became the times where we really got to know each other. We would converse, not just about Aikido, but about life, about the world, about our families and our daily struggles. And it was on these short trips to and from my home over the years (along with trips to seminars or time spent chatting in the dojo) that, over time, we came to develop a friendship; a friendship I will always cherish and feel honored to have hadeven as brief as it was.

I would say Ray was a guardian angel of sorts;theproverbial kind-hearted grandfather (like the kind I never had). If you needed advicehe was there. If you needed help finding a job or to get a ride somewherehe was there. If you just needed someone to talk tohe was there. (And not just for me, of course, but for others, as well.)

On the whole, he showed a special concern for others and their well-being that I think few people (including myself) possess.

So when I heard the news of his passingI was shocked,andI was numb; I felt a kind of sadness I'd not experienced beforea kind emptiness in me that reflected an emptiness in the world; one that could not be filled so easily.

Less than 48 hours earlier he drove me home. We chatted for a good 20 minutes in the car about the future of the world and this country (neither of us had a rosy image). He said I'm glad you and I are on the same wavelength and I said, I'm glad, too.

I felt more affirmed in our friendship that nightlike I'd found a comrade in the face of trying times, like I could be sureif I ever had to fight the trenchesthat this guy would have my back... and the backs of everyone I was with.

We shook hands. I stepped out of the car.
See ya next week we said.

He drove away, into the night. That was the last I would see him.

The adage that says Death is always on one's shoulder--never felt so true to me as did upon hearing the news, Saturday afternoon.

It reminded me to cherish life and to cherish others; to value the quality of time-- over the quantity of timethat we share with each other.

I amgratefulto have had the quality time that I did with Ray--because Ray was a damn good human being; a shining example if there ever was one.

And if I learned anything from this manif there was one simple truth I could take from him, from all the times I worked with him, all the conversations I had with him, all the examples of care he had shown for me as well as others over the yearsit was this:

Live to serve;
Make your life a service to the betterment of others,
because a good human being actively does good for othersnot just themselves.
This was a plain and simple truth all too easily ignored-- or simply forgotten in our me-first society (a truth which, I'll admit, I struggle to take into heart). But that is what I learned from this man.

And so to honor his memoryto keep that kind of greatness in him alive on this Earth
to fill that void his absence leaves behind: we must give to others;
we must be there for them in times of need.

Be there as a friend if they need a friend.
Be a listening ear when no one will hear them.
Offer advice when they need advice.
Give them shelter when they have none.
Help them better themselves.

The world demands it and will demand it more as time goes on.
Decency, respect, careand service to others: this is the mark Ray left on me.

And so.I hope you're in a better place, Ray.
I hope that you're at peace.

I thank you for your time on this Earth.

And I hope there's Aikido in heaven.

-Luc Josts

David Begley

January 19, 2018

Ray, Kenneth, and Michael...All those childhood memories playfully created over our many years together off Vance, Sunset, around the lake and our mountain playground explored behind our homes. We sure left a lot of tracks over there! Those memories are so meaningful and sweet to me, held close and cherished as something that can never be recreated again in any of our lifetimes. All that framed by our busy caring/loving parents and the great outdoors...Now some of us are gone, but are not lost! Sweet and moving memories that helped shape us into young adults remain and we certainly have lots to reflect on when things are quiet and still, some that were passed down to our own...Lessons learned, patterns formed, our childhoods were lived so well! About all i can say i guess, but i remember and appreciated Ray as a real friend who i could count on to treat me and his younger brothers with respect and kindness. He always seemed patient with us and tried to put things in their best light. He was great for finding opportunities for humor, often where little existed. He wanted to be and seemed to be first with introducing unique ways of looking at things happening or discussed. Ray could be serious when the situation called for it, but was never afraid to be silly at times either. I'll always remember most how fun and lighthearted he was, his willingness to enlighten or give us a new perspective on things, for being available when we needed that, and his general demeanor around us little guys that made us feel respected as equals...My heart goes out to Mrs Kilby, Kenneth, and Michael, for their loss of a son and brother and to Ray's family, daughters and grandkids...Ray served his country early and well and i'm glad to see that he finally got his black belt! HERE IS TO RAY!

Chip Knight

January 17, 2018

I really don't know what to say other than I'll miss you my friend. I wish we could turn back time and spend more of it together. I always enjoyed your company. You will be missed.

January 15, 2018

ray you were always the great guy will miss you

Bruce Cotton

January 14, 2018

Still in shock. Ray, you were always so good natured, funny, and friendly... prayers for you and your family.

Danny Fore

January 14, 2018

Ray I will surely miss you my friend , I loved it when I would run into you at the store or just where ever . We had some of the best talks about just about anything . Your family is special to me . So many memories with Mike and Ken . May God rest and keep you my friend .....

Bill Fussell

January 14, 2018

Will miss your humor and laughter but I also know we'll be laughing together again. Until then, watch over us my friend.

Ted Muncy

January 14, 2018

My deepest condolences...rest in peace, my friend...I'll miss seeing your smiling face everyday!

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