Phyllis Tolkowsky

Phyllis Tolkowsky z"l

1931-2025

Phyllis Tolkowsky, 93, formerly of West Orange and Whippany, died on August 19, 2025.

She was the beloved wife of the late Herbert Tolkowsky; the loving mother of Jeff (Meg), Michael (Diane), and Ruth Spaulding (Neil Matson); proud grandma to Benjamin (Erin), Matthew (Katie), Katie Sullivan (TJ), Elizabeth and Samantha Spaulding; and delighted great-grandmother to Tommy, Jack, Connor, Sean, Tommy J. Sullivan, Jr., and Owen.

Born in Brooklyn, NY on October 17, 1931 to Jacob and Helen Friedman, Phyllis grew up on a chicken farm in Perrineville, NJ with her adored late brothers, Gerald (Joe) and Vic. She graduated from Montclair State Teachers College in 1953. While there, she attended Temple Shomrei Emunah and met Herb. The two married the weekend after her graduation, sharing 58 years until Herb's death in 2011. Phyllis lived with her in-laws, the late Sam and Bess Tolkowsky, at their Montclair home while Herb served during the Korean War. After his return, they raised their children first in East Orange and then settled in West Orange, in a home filled with many memories of delicious meals and warm family gatherings large and small.

Faith and service guided much of Phyllis' life. She was a devoted member of congregation Bnai Shalom, where she compiled and edited the newsletter, threw herself into Sisterhood and Hazak, and happily served on the committee that selected Rabbi Robert L. Tobin. She was deeply engaged in Jewish communal life through the Jewish Community Foundation of Greater MetroWest NJ, the National Council of Jewish Women Essex County, and Hadassah Northern New Jersey where she was recognized as Woman of the Year.

Phyllis believed in the power of education, not only for her own family but for the community. She was active in the PTA and the West Orange Scholarship Fund, where she dreamed up unforgettable programs-from bringing Leonard Bernstein to teach children about the parts of the orchestra to hosting Bob McAllister of Wonderama for a record-breaking fundraiser. Among her other volunteer efforts, Phyllis served as an election poll worker, proudly supporting democracy, and read for the blind.

In addition to family and service, Phyllis worked for many years as an Operations Manager for Steinwurtzel company and at the family-owned store, Grand Variety, in Caldwell, among her other jobs.

One of her most cherished moments came in 2005 when, at the age of 73, she became a Bat Mitzvah. Later travels brought her to Israel, where she marveled at floating in the Dead Sea at 82.

Later, she lived independently at Lester Senior Housing where she became a fierce Scrabble and Geography competitor and shared her keen wit, creative writing and poetry with her close friends.

Her legacy lives on in her family, her community, and the countless lives touched by her intellect, warmth, humor, and service.

A private graveside burial took place on August 22 with Shiva following at the home of Michael and Diane.