Joan Cartier Perry Smith ("Bebe")

A small but mighty force "left the planet" (her own words) on January 28, 2024, surrounded by her family and close friends. Joan spent her last week with her sweet cat on her lap and family members accompanying her as she viewed her favorite movie "Moonstruck" on repeat.

Her diminutive size and quiet voice belied a fierceness that informed her seven-year fight against metastatic breast cancer. Always pragmatic and stoic, Joan navigated her illness with vitality and dignity as non-negotiables. Her family marveled at the direct and rational way she approached medical decisions and end-of-life considerations. Her adult children would often tease her about her matter-of-fact approach to death and her efforts to see Death with Dignity legislation passed in Connecticut. Secretly, we were grateful for her courage and determination to live and die on her own unwavering terms.

The daughter of Dr. Norbert Vieira Perry and Lillian Cartier Perry, Joan grew up in New Bedford, MA with her younger brother, Ronald. They lived on the same street with several extended family members and Joan was significantly influenced by the elder members of her paternal Portuguese side of the family and the French matriarchs on her mother's side. Her parents were avid boaters and she and her brother spent their summers exploring Martha's Vineyard and the Elizabeth Islands off the coast of New Bedford. She enthusiastically shared her love of tiny Cuttyhunk Island and Martha's Vineyard with her children and grandchildren.

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After graduating from New Bedford High School, Joan enrolled at Bates College in Maine, majoring in French Literature and developing several lifelong friendships. She met her husband of 49 years, David L. Smith at Bates and they enjoyed reuniting with college friends for decades. After graduation, Dave attended Officer Training School in Newport, RI before serving five years in the Navy. During those years, Joan taught second and fourth graders on Nantucket where she was reunited with her college roommate, Jeanette Topham.

Dave and Joan settled in Barrington, RI where Joan stayed at home to raise their three children until her youngest, Peter, started school. While in Barrington, Joan volunteered at Butler Hospital in Providence, which is Rhode Island's only non-profit free-standing psychiatric hospital. Her children remember her spending a full day there every month and returning home in time to make dinner. We now realize that spending time in a busy psychiatric hospital was likely a welcome respite from her three young children and hyperactive Labrador Retriever. For several summers she and Dave hosted children through the Fresh Air Fund, for which Dave served as director of the Providence chapter. Joan skillfully helped the inner-city kids navigate the unfamiliar terrains of suburban life and fostered a sense of belonging and stability for all of the children in her care. A few of the Fresh Air kids became family members and shared a deep affection for "Aunt Joan" and "Uncle Dave."

When the family moved to Madison, CT, Joan earned her Master's Degree and entered the field of mental health. She worked in Bridgeport for 20 years, helping significantly mentally ill patients navigate their daily lives after being discharged from state hospitals. Her dedicated mobile crisis team worked tirelessly to support individuals in their journey toward recovery and independence. Joan remained an advocate for the mentally ill and disenfranchised throughout her life and recognized the beauty and strength in diversity.

A hallmark of Joan's life was her many cherished friendships. Sandy, her best friend and co-conspirator since kindergarten who laughed with her until her last days. Her college roommate, Jeanette Topham and her husband Jack, were extended family. Her husband's cousin, Maggie, who was like a sister to her (and with whom we assume Joan shared our most humbling moments). Her neighbor in Barrington, Barbara Johnson, who became her lifelong friend perhaps because they were the only two who could hear each other. Joan nurtured many deep, lasting connections over her lifetime. Visiting friends in Maine was a summertime pleasure she cherished for decades. A dedicated letter writer, Joan often kept in touch through "snail mail" and emails including photos of the grandchildren and family pets.

Joan enjoyed discussing political issues and often told her children that she was concerned about the growing troubles in the world, stating "I won't be here to deal with these problems, but you will. Good luck." Joan was an avid reader and enthusiastically shared books, articles, and interesting anecdotes with friends and family. Over the last decade, she spent part of each morning reading the New York Times and watching Morning Joe with her sweet cat (and whichever dog she currently owned) sunning themselves nearby.

Joan loved cats and dogs (she and Dave rescued many of them over the years), UCONN women's basketball, Harry Belafonte, mussels, artichokes, and Jude's lemon bread. The 4th of July was her favorite holiday and Cuttyhunk Island's spirited but remarkably brief Independence Day parade (two trucks, three golf carts, one antique fire truck and several children on ancient bicycles) was unsurpassable to her.

Joan often made people laugh but seemed unaware that she was funny. Her sharp mind and dry sense of humor often caught her family off guard. She was excellent at telling self-deprecating stories about how she got lost "for the millionth time" due to her horrible sense of direction, or how she "used the old lady card" to gain sympathy and secure increased IT support from unsuspecting customer service representatives. Her grandchildren found particular delight in the contrast between her proper dress and demeanor and the language she sometimes used when angry or frustrated. Her grandson, Carter, often told her "Bebe, those four-letter words fall quite easily from your mouth."

Joan was preceded in death by her husband Dave in 2010 and she modeled strength and resilience for her family after this loss. She is survived by her three children: David (Robin), Kerry (Andy), and Peter (Cathy), five grandchildren and seven godchildren. She relished her role as "Bebe" to her grandchildren: Devon, Morgan, Carter, Braedi and Luke. She was never happier than when she was spending time with the grandkids and she effortlessly tailored her presence to suit each grandchild's unique personality. She will be deeply missed.

Joan is also survived by her brother, Ronald C. Perry of Granada, Nicaragua, who was one of her closest friends and a steadfast ally. Ronn spent summers in Madison after Dave's death and his increased presence in Joan's family's life is appreciated beyond words. Joan also leaves two cousins, Susan and Linda Perry, and her brother and sister-in-law, Drs. Charles and Julia Clancy-Smith of Tucson, AZ and Santa Cruz, CA.

Joan faced her cancer diagnosis and journey with great courage and remained an elegant warrior until the end. Her family is grateful to her medical team at Smilow, particularly her oncologist, Dr. Su Hsien Lim, who provided excellent care and honored our mother's wishes related to her medical treatment. Special thanks to the team at Home Care Plus Community Healthcare and Hospice for the compassion and warmth you gave our mother. Joan was deeply connected to the women in her cancer support group and the friendships she made there sustained her in innumerable ways. We are forever grateful to those amazing women. Her family would also like to thank Beverly Giblin for her unwavering friendship over the past forty years. You walked side by side with our mother through many of life's joys and challenges and we are grateful beyond words for your friendship and support.

At Joan's request, a private memorial service will take place in the summer. If you wish to make a donation, please go to infinitestrength.org, a wonderful organization that helps single mothers with stage four breast cancer by providing financial and emotional support.

Finally, Joan held a deep affection for her two Volkswagen bugs; her first being a classic orange, her second baby blue with a bumper sticker that read "What if the Hokey-Pokey IS what it's all about?" We like to think of our mother cruising through the afterlife, her blue bug filled with departed loved ones, smiling as she steers through the clouds and stars. We're certain she'll need to ask for directions.