Dorothy "Dee" SHRADER

SHRADER, Dorothy "Dee" My grandmother, Dorothy Fox Shrader, passed away on Friday, October 6, 2017, at 99 years of age. She was a fierce, empowered, independent woman, before those concepts existed. She lived and died on her own terms. She was born before women were granted the right to vote, lived through the Great Depression, and saw the advent and rise of technology no one could have imagined - refrigerators, television, space travel, computers, and the internet - and mostly kept up with it, using email and Facebook until very recently. She went to college, became editor of the school newspaper, joined the Oakland Fencing Club, and worked full-time before those were acceptable things for a woman to do. She met my grandfather, Robert L. Shrader, got married, moved across the country and back, had children, and devoted her life to being a mother and wife. Many years later, she traveled with my grandfather to China, New Zealand, Australia, Panama, and all over the world. She taught herself about finance and the stock market and looked after the family's finances. She was the matriarch of the whole family. After more than 71 married years, when my grandfather passed away five years ago, my grandmother sold the house they had built together in Sebastopol, packed her things, and moved into an apartment in an assisted living facility, The Lodge at Paulin Creek - living by herself for the first time ever at the age of 94 (although she didn't really need the assistance then). She assumed a new identity - calling herself "Dee" - and became beloved by the residents and staff there. She went to Happy Hour every Friday and most of the time had one gin martini - but on very special occasions when Jason and I visited, sometimes had two. Family was important to her. She often reminisced about the large get-togethers many years ago, and remained committed to having the family together on holidays, even though it was much smaller now. She was steadfast and devoted in her love to her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and the spouses and significant others they brought into their lives. I certainly threw her some curveballs over the years between dyed hair, tattoos, and travel to third world countries. But she never questioned any of it. And when I brought Jason home to introduce him, she spent a few minutes grilling him, but ultimately accepted him into the family. When she wasn't feeling well and was hospitalized about five weeks ago, they began treatment to drain her lung of fluid - but after some complications, she decided that she was done, did not want to be poked and prodded any more, and declined further medical treatment. During the time that she was in the hospital, she argued with nurses about what she could eat, gave new staff fake names, and generally told everyone exactly what she thought. She was ready to go. She returned home to her apartment the next day under the care of hospice and shared that she would no longer be eating or drinking. After nine days, she fell into a deep and peaceful sleep from which she did not awaken. She let go during a quick moment when we all were out of the room - passing on her terms. Just the way she lived her life.