John Richard O'Neil III

1931 - 2025

John Richard O'Neil III
03/02/1931 - 02/22/2025
John Richard O'Neil III passed away peacefully on February 22, 2025. Born in Provo, Utah, on March 2, 1931, he lived a life of learning, purpose, love, kindness, and genuine gratitude.
After living in Indio, California as a child, John moved to San Jose with his parents and younger brother, Patrick. He attended Bellarmine College Prep, spent a couple of years as a US Air Force Training Instructor, completed his undergraduate degree at UC Berkeley in three years, and then moved into executive management roles at AT&T in New York and California. During that time, he had three children with his first wife, Jackie.
In 1970, John entered the world of academia. He served as Vice President of Mills College in Oakland for seven years, and then as President of the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco. John was a lifelong and voracious learner who later described his life as "a series of mini careers." He was curious about the world and was consequently always learning and integrating that knowledge into his worldview.
In 1985, John met his current wife, Patricia. They had been friends from early in their 20's, and ran into each other again many years later in San Francisco. It was the start of a true-life love story. In John's words, "Pat was beautiful, razor-sharp, funny, held deep abiding values, and had a lot of style." They had found true love in each other and built a life together based on deep mutual respect. They both valued intellectual stimulation, travel, music and the arts, and cherished time with their extensive family and friends. They kept adventure and excitement alive throughout their years together, a spirit that remained until John's passing.
In John's early 60's, he entered into what was his most fulfilling "career": leadership work and writing. He was passionate about the subject of leading a balanced life but found it was often accompanied by the perils of hubris that could occur with success. He wrote "The Paradox of Success: When Winning at Work Means Losing at Life," which quickly became an international bestseller. This message resonated deeply with many who were "successful" in their lives but were experiencing the dark side of success. Many people were eager to hear this message, and it remains a vital, timeless book for leaders today.
The publishing of this book, along with his knowledge and expertise in this subject, completely changed the trajectory of his life. He became a sought-after consultant, mentor, and speaker for individuals, family foundations, and companies throughout the world. He founded the Center for Leadership Renewal and served on many boards over the years.
He went on to publish several other books, including one with Alan Jones, the Dean of Grace Cathedral, called "Seasons of Grace, the Life-Giving Practice of Gratitude." Later in life, John also enjoyed writing poetry, which was included in his final book, "Life: The Whole Enchilada: A Gratitude Memoir."
John was a presenter at the Davos World Economic Forum for four years and a participant at the Aspen Institute for many years. During this time, he met his dear friend Pete Thigpen, and they created an Aspen Institute-like program called "The Good Life Seminar". The Seminar directly considered what it meant to live a "good life" in the Aristotelian sense. Through the study of the writings of various great thinkers, John gave attendees the rare opportunity to use the wisdom of those who have gone before us in grappling with the real issues of life: our relationships with nature, family, society, the arts, and the sacred. Leaders came from all over the world to attend, and left the weekend changed and as friends for life. This was a life highlight for John and changed the life course for many fortunate enough to participate.
John's life was rich and meaningful, and he touched the lives of countless people as a mentor and friend. He always had pearls of wisdom to share. He made each person he talked to feel valued and always gave freely of his time.
John will be remembered for his kindness, generosity, wisdom, love of learning and sharing, and deep love of family. He lived a life of genuine gratitude, embodied in this saying by Cicero: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
John is survived by his loving wife, Patricia; and his children, Mike O'Neil and family, Spencer and Meghan O'Neil, Kelly, Arash, and Naomi Afrooze; Dana Vannelli, Vince Vannelli, and family, Kate Vannelli, Paige Vannelli and Jordy Shryock, and Grace and Eymon Binesh; Megan and Tom Fraysse and family, Anne and Ronan Doorley; Emily Fraysse and Ryan Burge; and Madeline Fraysse.
He is also survived by his brother, Patrick O'Neil.
In addition to his immediate family, John also adored, and was adored by, his three wonderful stepchildren, Todd and Kitty Whitaker, Dana Whitaker, and Sarah and Howard Gruber, and their many children and grandchildren.
In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made in John's memory to The Healing WELL in San Francisco or to your local food bank.