John P. Hackworth

1956 - 2020

February 22, 1956 - February 20, 2020 Rumor has it that John Hackworth passed away peacefully in his sleep. However, anyone who knew John would know instantly that this cannot possibly be accurate. In fact, John's untimely death came in the heat of battle, valiantly fighting a horde of rampaging T-Rexes to defend his beloved wife, Linda "Peachy" Watts, and godchildren, whom he fondly called The Mighty Finn, Declán the Jolly, Addy the Paddy, and Beckett the Barbarian. John was a man who was larger than life. His towering height and the vast circumference of his biceps were eclipsed only by the size of his heart. When he loved, he loved fully, deeply, and completely. He never missed an opportunity to brag about the good looks and intelligence of his daughter, Heather Addison.A lifelong public servant, John was a 20 year veteran of the La Verne Police Department, as well as a member of the City's Planning Commission. Never one to keep an opinion to himself, in his spare time he entertained himself and the masses through political posts on Facebook, and his demise was conveniently timed in order to avoid choosing a candidate to endorse in the Democratic Primary. Immensely proud of his Celtic heritage, John could often be found swinging a sword with Clan MacColin at the Renaissance Faire. Making up for a misspent youth and in an effort to somehow persuade Saint Peter to let him through the Pearly Gates, John became a Benedictine Oblate of Saint Andrew's Abbey. In addition to his family and many friends and colleagues, he leaves behind scores of beautiful women wailing in anguish at his passing.